Author Topic: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there  (Read 11925 times)

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RegionMom

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #15 on: June 09, 2013, 10:39:10 PM »
Agxgressive Tickling  can lead to passively, accidentally, testing out and touching in private areas, and could lead to sexual exploring.
If an older person is doing that in public, what would they do in private alone with the child?

Respect the NO.


« Last Edit: June 09, 2013, 10:42:23 PM by RegionMom »
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gramma dishes

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #16 on: June 09, 2013, 11:03:04 PM »
"She has asked you to stop.  She obviously doesn't like it.  She has the right to decide who can touch her and how.  You need to respect that she's told you to stop."

And if that doesn't work, I'd punch him.  Oh,  of course I meant to say I'd carefully try to steer the child away from him.

delabela

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #17 on: June 09, 2013, 11:12:21 PM »
This could be a person who (as obvious as it should be) doesn't understand all the negative ramifications of what they're doing. Any adult observing the situation could say something to the effect of "she said stop, so it's time to stop". 

Iris

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #18 on: June 09, 2013, 11:29:58 PM »
I think delabela has it. My feeling is that the person just hasn't matured past that teenaged boy phase of 'You're laughing so you must like it'. My own experiences of horrible tickling were all teenaged boys who thought they were being funny and this is exactly what it reminds me of. Fortunately all of my friends actually matured into fine men, whereas this guy seems stuck at the adolescent phase.

FWIW the tickled child was a boy. I was keeping it gender neutral but I notice a lot of posters have assumed it was a girl.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #19 on: June 09, 2013, 11:44:47 PM »
I think it was very disrespectful of the Tickler to persist, even after the child told him on multiple occasions to stop.

I also think you would have been completely justified at stepping in after the first or second time the child told him to stop. That includes physically inserting myself between the Tickler and child if necessary. 

If the child's parents get annoyed that you "interfered", that's too bad. Perhaps it'll make them think twice before passively standing there, saying nothing, while their child is clearly in discomfort.

*inviteseller

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #20 on: June 10, 2013, 12:10:55 AM »
Doesn't matter if it is a boy or a girl..stop means stop and an adult tickling a child like that has issues and I would be pulling back on any or all interactions with them.  I have to agree that it can be a precursor to something else that is not a pretty subject and as long as no adults step up or are passive in telling the bully/abuser to stop, they may be able to keep pushing the envelope.  I don't care if this adult is male or female, if the child is male or female..this just screams wrong loudly.  Thank you for wanting to step up and help this child.

AngelBarchild

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #21 on: June 10, 2013, 02:27:43 AM »
Agxgressive Tickling  can lead to passively, accidentally, testing out and touching in private areas, and could lead to sexual exploring.
If an older person is doing that in public, what would they do in private alone with the child?

Respect the NO.

That's one hell of an interesting assumption. I'll tell you what they are doing in private alone with the child. Nothing, because 99.9% of people are not child molesters, and 99.9% of people who tickle a child are not child molesters. Just don't make accusations like that.

secretrebel

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #22 on: June 10, 2013, 05:23:44 AM »
Agxgressive Tickling  can lead to passively, accidentally, testing out and touching in private areas, and could lead to sexual exploring.
If an older person is doing that in public, what would they do in private alone with the child?

Respect the NO.

That's one hell of an interesting assumption. I'll tell you what they are doing in private alone with the child. Nothing, because 99.9% of people are not child molesters, and 99.9% of people who tickle a child are not child molesters. Just don't make accusations like that.

And 1% are abusers looking for a child unable to defend themselves and who will not be defended by their parents.

RegionMom didn't say tickling is child abuse. She said that aggressive tickling can be a warning sign.

Wench

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #23 on: June 10, 2013, 06:21:30 AM »
The other likely option is that the tickler will end up getting injured.  I HATE being tickled and one of my ex boyfriends tickled me and I struggled so much that he ended smacking his head against the wall.  In fairness it was like the OP situation he was a  teenage boy and generally was a nice person.  I doubt very much he would do the same thing now.

In the case of  this adult I think yelling at him would be acceptable and maybe having a word with the parents.  It is a form of abuse and someone could get hurt.

Sharnita

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #24 on: June 10, 2013, 07:34:17 AM »
Agxgressive Tickling  can lead to passively, accidentally, testing out and touching in private areas, and could lead to sexual exploring.
If an older person is doing that in public, what would they do in private alone with the child?

Respect the NO.

That's one hell of an interesting assumption. I'll tell you what they are doing in private alone with the child. Nothing, because 99.9% of people are not child molesters, and 99.9% of people who tickle a child are not child molesters. Just don't make accusations like that.

And 1% are abusers looking for a child unable to defend themselves and who will not be defended by their parents.

RegionMom didn't say tickling is child abuse. She said that aggressive tickling can be a warning sign.

It was worded in a way that made implications about any adult who would tickle like that in public.  I do actually agree that it assumes way too much.  The tickling is unkind and inappropriate.  There are a variety of unkind/inappropriate behavior that adults might be commit in public but that are not signs they are doing any thing of a more heinous nature in private.

Redsoil

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #25 on: June 10, 2013, 08:20:38 AM »
Walk up to the person doing the tickling, and say:  "Dude, not cool to push it.  He said stop.  You need to respect that."  (Use a hand on shoulder to emphasise, if you feel okay doing that.)

Then escalate as needed.
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lowspark

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #26 on: June 10, 2013, 09:00:24 AM »
Well, if you apply the "redirect" (what do you want TO happen instead of what do you want to STOP), you could say, "Child, come with me--let's go outside, I want to show you something in the backyard."

Or,"Hey, I get time with Child now--come over here, Child, I want to talk w/ you / read you a book / some other sort of activity."

Or you can say, "Hey, Tickler--that's pretty painful for Child."

I would probably also be inserting myself physically into the situation--sliding and arm between them, etc.

This. Redirecting is what I was going to suggest. I probably would have said something like "Too much tickling can get very uncomfortable and it is certainly making me uncomfortable." I then would probably take the kid by the hand and lead him away while saying one of the things Toots suggested above, "Child, I want to show you something in the other room" or whatever.

Luci

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #27 on: June 10, 2013, 09:14:29 AM »
I wouldn't use so many words. "Stop! You are torturing that child!" Firmly, as loudly as necessary. Emphasize every word. No 'please', no swearing. If it doesn't stop, physically intervene.

Walk up to the person doing the tickling, and say:  "Dude, not cool to push it.  He said stop.  You need to respect that."  (Use a hand on shoulder to emphasise, if you feel okay doing that.)

Then escalate as needed.

Then, after you have the abuser's attention, explain or redirect, or whatever other method you desire to use.


Venus193

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #28 on: June 10, 2013, 09:22:27 AM »
I like that, Luci45.  Simple, commanding, and telling it like it is.

Sometime back during the Roman Empire when I was a teen there was a piece of advice about what to do if someone started groping you in the subway or similar public place.  It advised that you get up or step away (as possible) and shout "Stop touching me, you disgusting pervert!"  This gets the attention of everyone present so the perv doesn't dare do that again.  Your advice should also accomplish this.

amylouky

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2013, 10:22:18 AM »
If it's a small enough child, and one you are close to, I'd probably go swoop them up and say something like, "Don't worry, I'll save you!".. and run off with them in a joking way. I don't think that  most adults who tickle children are perverts or child abusers, they just don't realize that just because the child is laughing doesn't mean they aren't uncomfortable with it.
If it's not someone I'm close to, or a larger child, I'd probably say something like, "Tickler, I don't think Child is really enjoying that. I know he's laughing but he's asked you to stop."