General Etiquette > Life...in general

"I do want to compete, but just not with you as my partner" - update p72

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thedudeabides:
To Alan: Total fail, dude. Now man up and apologize for treating your friend like one of the nerds trying to get into the jocks' clique; this isn't high school anymore. If you don't grow up, you're going to lose the friends you do have, because, in the words of Sweet Brown, ain't nobody got time for that. You're an adult.

Eeep!:

--- Quote from: thedudeabides on July 09, 2013, 12:42:50 PM ---To Alan: Total fail, dude. Now man up and apologize for treating your friend like one of the nerds trying to get into the jocks' clique; this isn't high school anymore. If you don't grow up, you're going to lose the friends you do have, because, in the words of Sweet Brown, ain't nobody got time for that. You're an adult.

--- End quote ---

This is exactly what I think he is doing. It's really the only explanation for why he thinks the whole ball boy thing is OK.  The sad part is it is really more a commentary on Alan than on Bob.  Hope he can grow up soon.

SamiHami:

--- Quote from: Miss Tickle on July 05, 2013, 10:32:49 AM ---I'm pretty sure this is why they say once you've declined an invitation you shouldn't accept one from someone else.
Unfortunately this competition will be over soon, and Bob will still be around. What happens now?  I'd like to know if Bob gets the message that he's just a "thing" to Alan and not a friend.
--- End quote ---

I've never heard of anyone saying that. I'm pretty sure the rule is to be gracious if you decline an invitation, but that doesn't mean you can't accept another one. What if the (in your opinion) ickiest boy in school asks you out, and you politely decline, then later the coolest (in your opinion) guy in school asks you out for the same evening? Are you supposed to turn him down because you turned down Icky? I don't think so. Your only obligation is to be polite about it. Circling back to Alan and Bob, Alan wasn't even gracious enough to decline; he just let Bob hang there without even bothering to tell him that he wasn't going to partner with him. That makes Alan a complete social clod and if Alan cannot understand the rudeness of what he's done to Bob then he's a fool as well as a clod.

PastryGoddess:

--- Quote from: SamiHami on July 09, 2013, 01:45:36 PM ---
--- Quote from: Miss Tickle on July 05, 2013, 10:32:49 AM ---I'm pretty sure this is why they say once you've declined an invitation you shouldn't accept one from someone else.
Unfortunately this competition will be over soon, and Bob will still be around. What happens now?  I'd like to know if Bob gets the message that he's just a "thing" to Alan and not a friend.
--- End quote ---

I've never heard of anyone saying that. I'm pretty sure the rule is to be gracious if you decline an invitation, but that doesn't mean you can't accept another one. What if the (in your opinion) ickiest boy in school asks you out, and you politely decline, then later the coolest (in your opinion) guy in school asks you out for the same evening? Are you supposed to turn him down because you turned down Icky? I don't think so. Your only obligation is to be polite about it. Circling back to Alan and Bob, Alan wasn't even gracious enough to decline; he just let Bob hang there without even bothering to tell him that he wasn't going to partner with him. That makes Alan a complete social clod and if Alan cannot understand the rudeness of what he's done to Bob then he's a fool as well as a clod.

--- End quote ---

It's a Miss Manners thing.  She insists that you are to accept the first invitation, otherwise you have to turn the rest down.

LazyDaisy:
I looked all over the Emily Post site and all that is said on the subject of receiving an invitation is that you give a prompt response, no changing your mind (unless it's a emergency), and no bringing someone who wasn't invited. As far as saying "no" gracefully, it says: "tell the truth, as nicely as you can." and "Social civility remains rooted in the guiding principles of respect, consideration, and honesty." There is nothing about not being able to accept other invitations. The issue behind not accepting another invitation when you've declined something else would only apply, I think, if people use a bogus excuse when declining. If you just say up front that the activity, or sometimes person, doesn't interest you (nicely), then you're clear to accept invitations for a different event or group.

If Alan had admitted that he was interested in the competition, but not Bob as a partner because they're at different skill levels, Bob might be a bit hurt but Alan would have demonstrated enough consideration and respect for Bob to respond promptly and tell the truth. I think it's the same as turning down a date. I don't have to accept just because someone asks and I'm free that night, and I don't have to stay at home either. I just shouldn't string them along with "I can't. I'm busy." or "Maybe, I'll get back to you." if I never intend to say yes.

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