General Etiquette > Life...in general

"I do want to compete, but just not with you as my partner" - update p72

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*inviteseller:
There is no way that Bob is not going to be hurt by this.  No, Alan does not have to play with him in the tournament, but he should have said so from the beginning, or at least said, I don't know yet, I'll get back to you.  He can tell Bob that he feels he meshes better with Charles as a player but he would be glad to help him find a partner.  I think it would be insulting to be asked to be ball boy when Bob wants to compete. 

sammycat:
Asking Bob to be the ball boy isn't being inclusive.  In this instance, it's just being cruel and insulting.


--- Quote from: Amava on June 10, 2013, 01:14:53 AM ---I don't know, but the whole story has me hoping that Bob teams up with someone else, and beats Alan and his "better choice" in the tournament.  :P

--- End quote ---

yES!!

sweetonsno:
1. I'm of two minds on this one. On the one hand, I do believe that people have a right to accept or decline invitations as they wish. On the other hand, I think it is fairly rude to beg off on one person and then later invite another person to the same event. While I do believe that it is perfectly acceptable in some cases, this isn't really one of them.

2. It's fine to be honest if you do it right. Your hubby should focus on the positive (he and Alan have played together more, he and Alan compensate for one another's weaknesses better, whatever) rather than the negative (Bob's shortcomings).

3. I agree with all previous posters. Horrible idea. If he doesn't get it, ask him how he would have felt if a girl turned him down for prom but offered to let him be the chauffeur for her and her date. 

PastryGoddess:
Both Bob and Alan got the info about the competition at the same time. So even though Bob asked Alan to be his partner, it's not like Alan never would have heard about the competition unless Bob told him.

1. Alan is not obligated to pair up with Bob if he doesn't want to

2. No need to explain in detail as that implies that Bob has the right to know why Alan made his decision.  Alan can bean dip by saying things like,"Charles and I are a good fit, beandip" or "Dan and I decided we play really well together, beandip'

3. Don't ask Bob to be the "Ball Boy" if he wants to compete, he'll find a way to compete

Raintree:

--- Quote from: sweetonsno on June 10, 2013, 01:57:26 AM ---3. I agree with all previous posters. Horrible idea. If he doesn't get it, ask him how he would have felt if a girl turned him down for prom but offered to let him be the chauffeur for her and her date.

--- End quote ---

I was going to use the same analogy. Just don't do it!!

I can totally understand wanting to enter a competition with a partner that was at the same level as you. I think this is totally OK. Something along the lines of "I thought I'd team up with Al as our styles mesh well." But no ballboy as the consolation prize, please.

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