Author Topic: "I do want to compete, but just not with you as my partner" - update p72  (Read 17521 times)

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guihong

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I can't help but laugh, because he did just the exact opposite of all the advice here. "Walk north quietly? I'm going to sprint south while playing a vuvuzela."

 

 ;D The fact that Bob did exactly the opposite of eight pages of advice is a first for Ehell.

On a serious note, he must really live on Pluto if he thought it was a good idea to tell a lie, and then offer the ballboy position.  What a peach.



TomatoBunny

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Alan reckoned that the "kindest thing to do" (his words) was to pretend he had forgotten about that conversation, so he said something like "Oh, did you ask me that? Sorry, I must have been a bit plastered at the time." (the conversation happened down the pub) "I don't remember that."

So he pretended to have forgotten the conversation, but apparently remembered it enough to know he was in a bar when it happened so he could say that he must have been 'a bit plastered'?

While Bob had not brought up the subject again, it seems implied that there were opportunities to do so, i.e. Bob & Alan had met up/talked between then and now. Do they always meet in bars/for drinking so the excuse 'must have been plastered' will always work or is this just Alan digging his hole deeper?

LifeOnPluto

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Thanks guys, I happen to agree with everyone's responses.

Alan is well intentioned. I do believe he has a good heart. But unfortunately, he is rather immature (late 20s, but a "late bloomer", still lives at home with his parents, etc) and very socially clueless. There are times when he can be an absolute clod, and sadly (for Bob) this is one of those times.

FWIW, I believe he does value his friendship with Bob, but also wanted to play Serious Tennis with the "Cool Kids". And he didn't know how to handle the situation and completely screwed it up.

Amara

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I am sorry have to say that I cannot prevent Evil Amara from surfacing to note that she has declared that she hopes Alan loses Bob's friendship completely and permanently. Bob can come and be my friend and tennis partner any time.

missanpan

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Watch, as Bob continues to act distant the next words out of Alan's mouth would probably be: "you are too sensitive" and "can't you take a joke?"

jedikaiti

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Evil Jedi hopes Alan's partner ditches him for someone else and offers him the ballboy position.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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jpcher

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And on top of it all, Alan did not take the good advice of e-hell (as given through his friend LifeOnPluto). Please correct me if I'm wrong, LifeOnPluto, but the previous posts read like he came to you for advice and that you did pass some along.

I wonder if the other three guys caught on to the awkward moment when Bob realized what happened. Maybe they will realize what a self-serving jerk Alan is and then Alan will be the one left without a tennis partner for future tournaments. Karma may bite Alan eventually.

Poor Bob.

Thanks, something.new.every.day . . . I was thinking the same thing.

We can bash Alan all day long for not following our advice (about the ball boy, etc.) but if OP didn't pass our wise thoughts on to Alan, how is he to know differently?

LifeOnPluto, said:

"Alan is well intentioned. I do believe he has a good heart. But unfortunately, he is rather immature (late 20s, but a "late bloomer", still lives at home with his parents, etc) and very socially clueless. There are times when he can be an absolute clod, and sadly (for Bob) this is one of those times."


OP, it sounds like you believe in Alan. Please be honest. Did you coach him on the responses that you've received here?

If not, then I give Alan a bye on being a clod, simply because he didn't know any better.



In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that this is a horrible offense. I think it happened because someone was clueless as to how to appropriately handle this situation.

Being clueless or ignorant doesn't necessarily make one an overall unforgivable jerk.


We all make mistakes.


(edited to change unforgiving to unforgivable)
« Last Edit: July 06, 2013, 04:16:03 PM by jpcher »

EMuir

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Some people can live with their parents and still be kind, generous, and socially ept. Alan is not one of those people.  Some people who still live with their parents are used to having two people around who are selfless and only want the best for him (ideally).  When you don't live with a human being who will expect you also think of THEIR best option, you kind of have blinders on.

Alan will blame Bob and hopefully Bob will move on to find a real friend.

LifeOnPluto

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And on top of it all, Alan did not take the good advice of e-hell (as given through his friend LifeOnPluto). Please correct me if I'm wrong, LifeOnPluto, but the previous posts read like he came to you for advice and that you did pass some along.

I wonder if the other three guys caught on to the awkward moment when Bob realized what happened. Maybe they will realize what a self-serving jerk Alan is and then Alan will be the one left without a tennis partner for future tournaments. Karma may bite Alan eventually.

Poor Bob.

Thanks, something.new.every.day . . . I was thinking the same thing.

We can bash Alan all day long for not following our advice (about the ball boy, etc.) but if OP didn't pass our wise thoughts on to Alan, how is he to know differently?

LifeOnPluto, said:

"Alan is well intentioned. I do believe he has a good heart. But unfortunately, he is rather immature (late 20s, but a "late bloomer", still lives at home with his parents, etc) and very socially clueless. There are times when he can be an absolute clod, and sadly (for Bob) this is one of those times."


OP, it sounds like you believe in Alan. Please be honest. Did you coach him on the responses that you've received here?

If not, then I give Alan a bye on being a clod, simply because he didn't know any better.



In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that this is a horrible offense. I think it happened because someone was clueless as to how to appropriately handle this situation.

Being clueless or ignorant doesn't necessarily make one an overall unforgivable jerk.


We all make mistakes.


(edited to change unforgiving to unforgivable)

At the time of our first conversation, when Alan told me he was considering teaming up with one of the other guys and suggesting that Bob be their ball boy, I did tell him that it may not be a good idea / go down well.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to pass on some of the wording that eHell suggested (the analogy of him asking a girl on a date, and her offering him the position of chauffeur was a great one) before our second conversation, which happened just the other day. I did tell him (more firmly) that him asking Bob to be their ball boy was insulting to Bob, and a bad move. But as I said, he didn't seem to get it. He was like "But I'm trying to include Bob! This way, Bob can still participate in the competition, etc".

Winterlight

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You did your best, and Alan ignored it. He now has to deal with the consequences. Feel no guilt.
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Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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jpcher

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And on top of it all, Alan did not take the good advice of e-hell (as given through his friend LifeOnPluto). Please correct me if I'm wrong, LifeOnPluto, but the previous posts read like he came to you for advice and that you did pass some along.

I wonder if the other three guys caught on to the awkward moment when Bob realized what happened. Maybe they will realize what a self-serving jerk Alan is and then Alan will be the one left without a tennis partner for future tournaments. Karma may bite Alan eventually.

Poor Bob.

Thanks, something.new.every.day . . . I was thinking the same thing.

We can bash Alan all day long for not following our advice (about the ball boy, etc.) but if OP didn't pass our wise thoughts on to Alan, how is he to know differently?

LifeOnPluto, said:

"Alan is well intentioned. I do believe he has a good heart. But unfortunately, he is rather immature (late 20s, but a "late bloomer", still lives at home with his parents, etc) and very socially clueless. There are times when he can be an absolute clod, and sadly (for Bob) this is one of those times."


OP, it sounds like you believe in Alan. Please be honest. Did you coach him on the responses that you've received here?

If not, then I give Alan a bye on being a clod, simply because he didn't know any better.



In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that this is a horrible offense. I think it happened because someone was clueless as to how to appropriately handle this situation.

Being clueless or ignorant doesn't necessarily make one an overall unforgivable jerk.


We all make mistakes.


(edited to change unforgiving to unforgivable)

At the time of our first conversation, when Alan told me he was considering teaming up with one of the other guys and suggesting that Bob be their ball boy, I did tell him that it may not be a good idea / go down well.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to pass on some of the wording that eHell suggested (the analogy of him asking a girl on a date, and her offering him the position of chauffeur was a great one) before our second conversation, which happened just the other day. I did tell him (more firmly) that him asking Bob to be their ball boy was insulting to Bob, and a bad move. But as I said, he didn't seem to get it. He was like "But I'm trying to include Bob! This way, Bob can still participate in the competition, etc".

Thanks, LifeOnPluto, for your honesty.


FWIW, I believe he does value his friendship with Bob, but also wanted to play Serious Tennis with the "Cool Kids". And he didn't know how to handle the situation and completely screwed it up.

Yup. He really screwed up the situation.

Hopefully he hasn't entirely screwed up the relationship . . . any chance you can/want to coach him on some sort of apology?



Sometimes you dig yourself into a hole, maybe Alan doesn't know how to climb back out, KWIM?

blue2000

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At the time of our first conversation, when Alan told me he was considering teaming up with one of the other guys and suggesting that Bob be their ball boy, I did tell him that it may not be a good idea / go down well.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to pass on some of the wording that eHell suggested (the analogy of him asking a girl on a date, and her offering him the position of chauffeur was a great one) before our second conversation, which happened just the other day. I did tell him (more firmly) that him asking Bob to be their ball boy was insulting to Bob, and a bad move. But as I said, he didn't seem to get it. He was like "But I'm trying to include Bob! This way, Bob can still participate in the competition, etc".


Bob is not participating any more than the janitors or the judges are. He would be at the competition, but not allowed to play in it. If Alan was so concerned that Bob should still be in the competition, he should have said no much earlier and allowed Bob to find another partner.
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Eeep!

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Since he is obviously still laboring under the high school cool/in-crowd mentality, I think that Alan thinks he is the "cool kid" to Bob. Hence why Bob would think it's just awesome to be a ball boy so he can at least remain in his orbit. What Alan has failed to realize is that most people outgrow that mind set (at least for the most part) and actually have some self respect - hence Bob being insulted - and rightly so. I hope this helps Bob take a good look at what kind of friendship he has/wants to have with Alan.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

zyrs

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Sometimes you dig yourself into a hole, maybe Alan doesn't know how to climb back out, KWIM?

To get yourself out of a hole you need to realize you are in one.  Alan doesn't seem to realize he's in one yet.

gramma dishes

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LifeOnPluto ~~  Please keep us updated on how this mess all turns out.