I have not had a chance to talk to her about this in depth, but have gotten some tidbits. I verified that her licencing inspector did visit her and gave her a warning for having a sick child in her care with other children (not DD). She has been flexible with illnesses in the past...perhaps too flexible and she is concerned that she will lose her license if he comes again and finds sick kids in her care. The problem is that she is WAY overreacting to this.
Yesterday afternoon, I, along with all the parents of kids in her care, recieved a message from her that all the kids are coughing and need to see a doctor. I did take DD to urgent care after work and verified that she has a simple cold and that over the counter cough medication should take care of it. The doctor also said that she would be fine to go to daycare.
I didn't want to deal with it, so I called Bonnie and told her that I would not be bringing DD to daycare today. I have a friend watching her later so that I can attend a meeting. Bonnie seemed surprised and I told her that I couldn't afford to drop her off and have her call me in the middle of the day to come back and get her like last week. I also said that I don't expect to have to pay two people to watch my child every time DD has a little cough or doesn't eat all her lunch.
Another update. I work a flex schedule that allows me to be off one day a week. Unfortunately, due to the time of year, I still have to work on some of my days off. I spoke to Bonnie the other day about having her watch DD on a day in the near future. This has never been a problem in the past, as she's open and has the other kids on those days. I always pay her extra when I do this, though often she refuses payment because of all that "we do for her". Once again, I told her that I would pay her her daily rate for this extra day and her response was "that would be really nice". The very next sentence was to ask me if I was working on July 5th (I'm not, but it's a regular work day and I haven't told her I took vacation yet). Bonnie told me that if I was working, DD would be the only one in her care and it would be nice if I could arrange alternate care on that day. So, obviously this isn't the required notice for her to close and she didn't come out and say that she would, but after asking me to pay her for an extra day of care, her very next sentence was insinuating that I should also pay her for a regular day of care though she doesn't want to work. This is not ok with me. She also called DH last night asking him to come do some work at her house, which we always either do for free or at a reduced rate because she's on such a limited income. We don't mind helping her, but all these extra paid days off and constant calls about DD being sick and then asking for continued free service from DH's business, is not cool.
It is becoming clear to me that I need to make a change and I have an appointment for DH and I to visit a facility this afternoon. It breaks my heart, because DD loves her so much and this will no doubt ruin our friendship, but I think this change is necessary both for my own sanity and for my peace of mind that Bonnie's care of my child won't decline due to her being so burned out and stressed.
To make it worse, she sent me a heartfelt apology last night on email, stating that she can see how frustrated I am with her. She feels like she stuck because the licensing board will come down hard on her, she's worried she'll lose her license if she doesn't fully comply, but that parents are threatening pull their kids because her policy on care has changed.
I did speak to another parent about this last night and she too is frustrated. She said she's trying to be understanding and only has two more years before her kids will no longer need Bonnie's care. She wants to hold out, but is worried that she can't. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one feeling this way, but completely awful for Bonnie.
I am not telling her that I am shopping around and know that I still have to talk to her in detail about my current issue with her. This pretty much sucks.