Author Topic: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name  (Read 10751 times)

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artk2002

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #45 on: June 11, 2013, 03:41:55 PM »
"I think she has every right to pick the name she would like to be called...Bubbe is fine."

We think Bubbe sounds stupid.  I know it's a heritage thing, but we actually don't like any "cutesy" baby-talk nicknames for grandparents, just grandma and grandpa.  If our kids come up with any on their own that's fine, but we're just not a fan of it.  We also don't plan on allowing baby talk, but that's another story on its own.

Do not go there with her. It's a general consensus here, and in the real world, that people get to choose what they will be called. If she wants to be called Bubbe, you need to respect that. This is especially true if you expect her to respect your boundaries and your child's name.

BTW, you should read up on baby talk. A certain amount if it is actually good, according to some of the research that I've seen. It has to do with how children acquire language and what registers early on with their developing brains.
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Twik

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #46 on: June 11, 2013, 04:56:24 PM »
Well, if you *really* want to avoid baby talk, grandma and grandpa are out as well. They should be grandmother and grandfather.
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KenveeB

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #47 on: June 11, 2013, 09:09:10 PM »
"I think she has every right to pick the name she would like to be called...Bubbe is fine."

We think Bubbe sounds stupid.  I know it's a heritage thing, but we actually don't like any "cutesy" baby-talk nicknames for grandparents, just grandma and grandpa.  If our kids come up with any on their own that's fine, but we're just not a fan of it.  We also don't plan on allowing baby talk, but that's another story on its own.

Do not go there with her. It's a general consensus here, and in the real world, that people get to choose what they will be called. If she wants to be called Bubbe, you need to respect that. This is especially true if you expect her to respect your boundaries and your child's name.

BTW, you should read up on baby talk. A certain amount if it is actually good, according to some of the research that I've seen. It has to do with how children acquire language and what registers early on with their developing brains.

Besides, she can try to be called anything she wants, but many kids come up with their own variant of what they call their grandparents. The little one may end up calling her Yiyi or something else random. :)

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #48 on: June 11, 2013, 11:23:54 PM »
"I think she has every right to pick the name she would like to be called...Bubbe is fine."

We think Bubbe sounds stupid.  I know it's a heritage thing, but we actually don't like any "cutesy" baby-talk nicknames for grandparents, just grandma and grandpa.  If our kids come up with any on their own that's fine, but we're just not a fan of it.  We also don't plan on allowing baby talk, but that's another story on its own.

Do not go there with her. It's a general consensus here, and in the real world, that people get to choose what they will be called. If she wants to be called Bubbe, you need to respect that. This is especially true if you expect her to respect your boundaries and your child's name.

BTW, you should read up on baby talk. A certain amount if it is actually good, according to some of the research that I've seen. It has to do with how children acquire language and what registers early on with their developing brains.

I agree with this. You absolutely have the right to stipulate what your daughter is called (or in this case, NOT called). But I don't think you have the right to dictate what name the grandmother can (or can't) use for herself. (Unless of course, it's something offensive, etc).


NyaChan

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #49 on: June 11, 2013, 11:45:01 PM »
Wasn't there a thread where a family friend tried to teach a poster's (Knitterly?) daughter to call him See-Fu?  If I'm remembering correctly there was a good bit of support for that poster to tell him no, because that name had a particular meaning to her and her husband which they did not want attributed to that family friend.  This kind of seems similar to me, though the problem may take care of itself if OP refers to her mom as grandma around the child, there's a decent chance she'll pick that up.

Edited to change to correct term.
« Last Edit: June 11, 2013, 11:49:25 PM by NyaChan »

Unusual Banana

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #50 on: June 12, 2013, 01:32:11 AM »
Wasn't there a thread where a family friend tried to teach a poster's (Knitterly?) daughter to call him See-Fu?  If I'm remembering correctly there was a good bit of support for that poster to tell him no, because that name had a particular meaning to her and her husband which they did not want attributed to that family friend.  This kind of seems similar to me, though the problem may take care of itself if OP refers to her mom as grandma around the child, there's a decent chance she'll pick that up.

Edited to change to correct term.

I found the thread you're referring to, and I think that situation is completely different than a grandmother wanting to be called Bubbe. The objection there was that the family friend hadn't earned the title Sifu, which means Master, so he had no right to use it. Bubbe means grandmother and is a perfectly appropriate title for a grandmother, and I really don't think "it sounds stupid" is a good enough reason to ignore someone's choice of name for herself.

Refusing to call your mother anything but Grandma is not OK if your mother doesn't want to be called Grandma. If you don't like Bubbe ask her if there's anything else she wouldn't mind being called and pick the one you dislike the least.

Yentush

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #51 on: June 12, 2013, 04:47:12 AM »
Bubbe is Yiddish.

If she is so bent on things being "Jewish" and "proper", she should pick the Hebrew, which is Savta.

scotcat60

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #52 on: June 12, 2013, 06:29:22 AM »
 If she wants to be called Bubbe, you need to respect that. This is especially true if you expect her to respect your boundaries and your child's name.

I agree with this, and also with posters who said the child will find his/her own name for a grandparent.

I missed out on being called "Aunt" by my nephews, because their parents didn't like the idea. However, myeldest nephew and his wife refer to me as  Great Aunt" when speaking to thier children, and I love it. Makes me sound gracious, well bred and genteel (O.K. that's everything I'm not...)

Geekychick1984

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Re: Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #53 on: June 12, 2013, 06:54:33 AM »
Update - I spoke with my mom yesterday about this (via phone since we live over 200 miles apart).

This is pretty much the conversation (paraphrased a bit because I don't remember it 100%) 

Me: I need to talk to you about something. Are you still planning on giving <daughter> a Jewish name?
Mom: yes. 
Me: DH and I would rather you didn't. We feel like you are stomping on our boundaries as <daughter's> parents. We are raising her non-religious, and this is inappropriate.  I know this is part of your religion, but it's not a part of ours.
Mom: It's not a big deal. It's pretty much just a blessing. Why are you fixating on this?
Me:  I'm not fixated on it. I'm just letting you know that we think it's wrong for your to do. This is something that doesn't need to be done for her since she's not Jewish.
Mom: Well it's not about her, it's for me.
Me: Please don't use my daughter as a tool for your religious beliefs.
Mom: Why are you so fixated on this?
Me: Why is that your response for everything?
Mom: Well, fine.  I won't do it then.  But if I hear anyone else call her a nickname I'll be pissed.
Me:  That's apples and oranges.  I shortened version of her name or an affectionate nickname (such as ladybug or something) have no religious connotations.  It's not the same.
Mom: I'll be pissed if I hear any nicknames.
Me: Fine, you can be pissed.  That's your right.  But you don't get to decide nicknames.  You're not her parent, so none of that is up to you. 
Mom: I still don't see why you're so fixated on this.  It's not a big deal.
Me: ......
Mom: When did I mention the naming thing anyway?  When I was on drugs in the hospital?
Me: Yes
Mom: I don't remember that
Me:....
Mom: What?
Me: You were calling her Princess Leia when I saw you 4 weeks ago.
Mom: That's a Star Wars reference (DH and I are having some geeky decorations in our nursery).
Me: You said her Hebrew name would be Esther Leia and then started calling her Princess Leia.
Mom: I don't remember that
Me:....
Mom: Don't worry, I won't do this, it must have been the drugs talking.
Me: ...Thank you.
Mom: <Bean dip; Topic change>

I love how she changed her story at the end to blame it on the drugs she was on.  Mom likes to rewrite history.  I think she will stick with this, but I have feeling it will really get interesting when the baby gets here.  She is peeved with me because we aren't having anyone at the hospital while I'm giving birth ("that's not normal!") and are not going to have visitors for a few days after.  It's going to be a long road ahead for me.


LeveeWoman

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Re: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #54 on: June 12, 2013, 08:21:40 AM »
Wow. It's all about her.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #55 on: June 12, 2013, 08:38:59 AM »
Yeah, sure sounds like it.  And not having anyone at the hospital?  Perfectly normal.  When I had the babe it was just DH and I at the hospital.  We didn't even bring our older two because they had school the next day so we left them at home and our next door neighbor checked in on them and made sure they got off to school in time.

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sammycat

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Re: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #56 on: June 12, 2013, 09:25:20 AM »
OP, you handled that well, but wow, it's all about her isn't it?

Geekychick1984

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Re: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #57 on: June 12, 2013, 09:28:58 AM »
Yes, it is all about her apparantly. :(

Pen^2

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Re: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #58 on: June 12, 2013, 09:39:28 AM »
Wow, it really sounds like you having a baby and not wanting someone other than the parents to name said baby is all about her. A bit of an SS, if you'll excuse me for saying so.

Well, at least she got to save face by shifting the blame, which means she might actually drop it for good. But I'd be ready (as if you don't have enough in your hands what with a baby on the way and all) to jump on her the minute she starts using a name that isn't your daughter's. Chances are, though, she'll move on to something else. Let's all hope it isn't anything that affects others nearly as much as this did.

Also, not having anyone with you at the hospital while giving birth? I took that at face value, and imagined all the doctors and staff had gone home for the night, leaving you alone in an empty building with all the lights off.  :P But otherwise, going though a stressful medical procedure with the needed doctors and medical staff present and no non-essential people around is very much the norm. It's not a party or a social visit for goodness' sake; some people like to have friends for support, but that is at a special request, since it is by no means the standard.

weeblewobble

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Re: *Update #53, p.4* Mother wants to give my baby a Jewish Name
« Reply #59 on: June 12, 2013, 09:50:11 AM »
I love it when people try to force me into doing something they want me to do by telling me, "Come on, let me have my way!  It's no big deal!"

Well, if it's no big deal, why are you so hell-bent on doing it?