Author Topic: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities  (Read 7275 times)

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Hollanda

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S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« on: June 10, 2013, 02:06:35 PM »
I'm really not sure about this.  So I thought I'd ask you wise guys for your help!

We are in the UK.  The weather last week was really hot. I mean, warm enough to sunbathe,  which generally doesn't happen often!

On Thursday lunchtime I logged into Facebook and my childminder had updated her status to "Sunbathing whilst minded kids run around". The picture she showed was clearly in her back yard.

Ok so sometimes I sit and watch DS play. The issue I have here is I am paying her a significant portion of my wages to actually interact with DS and help him develop. Sitting in her back yard working on her tan doesn't seem to be the same thing to me.

I didn't make anything of it that time. But in hindsight should I have done?
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CakeBeret

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2013, 02:11:55 PM »
I personally wouldn't say anything. IMO kids need free play as well as interaction and learning.
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Hollanda

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2013, 02:13:26 PM »
She is great with him...I guess it's just I didn't expect to see it.
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darkprincess

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2013, 02:15:46 PM »
As long as you believe there is a mix of interaction and free time I think it is fine. DD goes to a daycare that is also preschool. The preschool schedule includes several different structured activities and free time. The free time helps the kids learn socialization skills, problem solving, creativity, etc.

SPuck

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2013, 02:18:48 PM »
I really don't think you should say anything. You wouldn't know about this situation if it weren't for Facebook, and you don't know the whole context. If you worried about your son get a nanny camera to see what his day was like, if not drop it.

Perfect Circle

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2013, 02:20:05 PM »
No one can pay 1-1 attention to a number of children at 100% of the time. I doubt your childminder was sunbathing in her bikini half asleep while the children played outside.
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NyaChan

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2013, 02:20:49 PM »
If it bugged you, you could talk to her about it in terms of determining how long this tanning session lasted.  Explain that you completely understand that she may need some down time during the day, say 30 minutes or an hour, but anything beyond that makes you worry that your son is not getting close supervision.

I really don't think you should say anything. You wouldn't know about this situation if it weren't for Facebook, and you don't know the whole context. If you worried about your son get a nanny camera to see what his day was like, if not drop it.

The nanny chose to post it on FB where her charges' parents could see it.  She needs to take the consequences that come with it - worry from parents that she may not be watching her kids as closely as they would like and are paying for.

Perfect Circle

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2013, 02:26:19 PM »
There is quite a difference between a nanny and a childminder. A nanny is usually more likely to look after children of one family only and less charges. A childminder provides quality inspected care for more kids usually in their own home so the amount of time they can spend on one child will be a lot less.
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NyaChan

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2013, 02:29:40 PM »
I didn't scroll up to see which terminology was used, but I still stand by my opinion that the "childminder" opened herself up to inquiry since she posted this on FB.  Hollanda has every right to ask her about the specifics of a circumstance that the "childminder" posted to FB, thereby bringing it to her attention. 

Moray

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2013, 02:31:28 PM »
I guess I don't see a problem with unstructured time in an enclosed space outside playing with the other kids while the babysitter keeps an eye and soaks up some rays. Free play with other children is pretty important for a kid's development. 
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Allyson

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2013, 02:36:34 PM »
If you have specific expectations, talk to her about it. But it probably never in a million years occurred to her this would be outside the bounds of normal/ok behaviour to you--she posted on Facebook where you could see, and many others here agree unstructured playtime is reasonable. If you want her to spend X percentage of her time doing X things, she needs to know the specifics because it's not like the same people assume the same things are reasonable.

Amava

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2013, 02:38:52 PM »
I guess I don't see a problem with unstructured time in an enclosed space outside playing with the other kids while the babysitter keeps an eye and soaks up some rays. Free play with other children is pretty important for a kid's development.

I totally agree.

I didn't scroll up to see which terminology was used, but I still stand by my opinion that the "childminder" opened herself up to inquiry since she posted this on FB.  Hollanda has every right to ask her about the specifics of a circumstance that the "childminder" posted to FB, thereby bringing it to her attention. 

She probably saw no problem posting it on facebook because she never expected anyone would think it was not a completely normal, healthy and good thing to do, letting children explore and play outside a bit in nice weather.

jmarvellous

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2013, 02:41:38 PM »
You are paying her to take care of your son who's no older than 2. I am actually thinking it would be lots more surprising if she were playing actively with him every minute of the day than the reverse.
She has to use the toilet,  clean up messes,  fix meals, change other kids or give them individual attention -- there's no way they are playing one-on-one all day, every day.
If it were me in her shoes and you bugged me about trying to make my day minding kids sound slightly more glamorous or interesting (I highly doubt she was just tanning), I'd just be more secretive in the future.  An avenue of finding out what goes on in your kid's day would be lost to you.

NyaChan

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2013, 02:42:22 PM »
I think it is reasonable to have kids play outside or outside inside freely, absolutely.  But Hollanda said the weather was really hot and I'd be wondering how long my kid spent outside in the heat while the childminder was tanning. 

While it isn't so much an issue here, in general I think there is a difference between free play where an adult is paying attention and free play where the adult is engrossed with another activity. 

While this was likely an ok situation, I don't think there is anything wrong with asking about it- it is Hollanda's child and if she has a question about his care, it is her right to ask it.

ETA:  I used to do this kind of care for a couple of family friends when I was younger.  I did not spend every minute of every day directly playing with their kids.  I would not, however, have a movie marathon or read a book unless the kids were napping.  I might sit on the couch and just watch while the kids are playing with one another, but I avoided doing things that might give the impression that my priority at the moment wasn't the kids that I was responsible for.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2013, 02:45:05 PM by NyaChan »

RingTailedLemur

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Re: S/o What constitutes sick? - Question of Priorities
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2013, 02:47:18 PM »
We're in the UK - it was about 20 degrees.  That's enough to get Brits excited  ;D

I don't think she did anything wrong.  It sounds like she was just sitting in the sun watching the children.  Unless you have a contract that specifically states that she spends every minute in one on one time with your son I don't think you should say anything.  That kind of constant interaction with your son by an adult wouldn't do him or the other children any good anyway.

A nannycam would be completely inappropriate, you can't put a camera in someone else's house (especially if it not just your child there)!