Author Topic: RSVP-ing "Maybe"  (Read 3065 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #15 on: June 10, 2013, 04:04:20 PM »
It sounds like Katie's party is pretty casual. I'd probably just tell her that you have a previous commitment but there's a good chance that it may not happen.. so if you do find yourselves free is it okay to let you know that weekend? If she says no, she needs a head count, then you have your answer.

This is what I'd say to do.

Especially given the "more the merrier" sort of party it sounds like.

NyaChan

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #16 on: June 10, 2013, 04:05:12 PM »
If she's a good friend, maybe tell her your situation - "Normally I would love to go to your party, but right before you invited me another friend sent an invite that has your party day as the rain date and I had already said yes."  If someone said that to me, I'd probably tell them to stop by if the rain date ends up not being used.  I wouldn't take offense because they aren't using me as a backup, it is a genuine conflict.

lisastitch

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #17 on: June 10, 2013, 06:26:12 PM »
Yes, a RSVP is meant to allow the hosts to get an accurate count, but I do think there's a difference between a formal catered meal where the caterer may be preparing exact numbers of items and where your coming or not coming has a significant financial impact on the hosts, and a more informal meal such as a BBQ, where hosts don't want to prepare enough food for 60 when only 30 are coming (or vice versa!) but don't really care whether it's 53 people or 57 people coming because they'll prepare about the same amount of food.  DH and I throw an Oktoberfest each year.  We don't ask for RSVP's (though we get a lot of them!) because we know approximately how many people are coming and approximately how much food we'll need (we don't ration people to one sausage apiece!). 

You can decide to go to Janet's party if it's held on the original date and go to Katie's the next day, missing Janet's if she has it on the rain date (which may not be fair to Janet).

You can go to Janet's party whichever date it's on, and tell Katie you can't make it.

You can tell Katie what the circumstances are, that you can 't commit but don't want to put her in a difficult position, and see what she says.  She may say, no problem; come if you can; or she may say, I'm making creme brulee and need to know EXACTLY how many to make.

katycoo

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #18 on: June 10, 2013, 07:48:22 PM »
If you intend to attend the rained-out-replacement party on the 1st if it gets moved, then decline the party that is definitely scheduled on the 1st.

Knitterly

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #19 on: June 10, 2013, 09:18:36 PM »
Based on the very excellent advice here, I went ahead and asked Katie how soon she needed to know and told her that it was looking like a busy weekend (the 1st is a monday, so not technically part of the weekend) and that I likely wouldn't know until the week of if I could make it.  I also told her, though, that I was really hoping I could, as she does throw excellent parties!
She let me know that it wasn't a problem and that I could "swing by if have time".


Penguin_ar

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #20 on: June 11, 2013, 06:48:20 AM »
Glad you decided what to do.  I think one other option has not been mentioned:  around here at least, BBQs tend to be casual all-afternoon/ evening affairs.  There are often people dropping in and out due to work, or kids with limited attention spans etc.  So there may be a possibility of attending both, a couple of hours each, depending on the type of BBQ.

lowspark

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Re: RSVP-ing "Maybe"
« Reply #21 on: June 11, 2013, 09:04:17 AM »
Based on the very excellent advice here, I went ahead and asked Katie how soon she needed to know and told her that it was looking like a busy weekend (the 1st is a monday, so not technically part of the weekend) and that I likely wouldn't know until the week of if I could make it.  I also told her, though, that I was really hoping I could, as she does throw excellent parties!
She let me know that it wasn't a problem and that I could "swing by if have time".

That's perfect! I know when I'm hosting a casual party of this sort, I give the same kind of reply. I tell people to just come on, even if they realize they can make it at the last minute, because I always end up having way more food and drink than I need so a few more or less won't break the bank.

But since not everyone operates that way, the polite thing to do is what you did, thereby letting the hostess dictate the more casual terms of "stop by if it turns out you can."

Have a great Canada Day weekend! I hope the weather cooperates fully!