Author Topic: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter  (Read 6568 times)

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seriously?

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2013, 12:57:08 PM »
Agree with both sides....I would NOT bring it up at the birthday dinner if I was going to do it at all, my initial plan was going to be to talk about it before then.

However, I've spoken to my BF's DD and told her to block / unfriend him from her FB and told her to tell any friends to do the same....(evidently it's Instagram, not Twitter)

Still mulling it over...I would definable be tactful and not accusatory if and when I mentioned it to him.

Thanks again for the responses.

Friday

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2013, 01:52:45 PM »
I say that safety trumps etiquette, and since the parties involved are minors, the OP does need to address.

I had friends involved in a similar situation.  for privacy, I won't say who they were in this, let's just say that they were related to one of the parties involved...

Long story short:  Mother befriends daughter's friend on facebook and tells her inappropriate things.  Mother of the second girl asks Mother of the first girl (instigator) to leave her DD alone but to let the girls be friends (girls are in middle school).  Instigator mother tries to get 'revenge' by doing something nasty to the daughter's friend....

http://pysih.com/2010/11/18/danette-stark/

NyaChan

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #17 on: June 11, 2013, 01:57:35 PM »
I think this is likely a case of a generational misunderstanding.  It is likely that FIL doesn't see it as creepy and really, the teenagers accepted him as a friend so why would he have thought it was a problem?  He may even see the pictures as a way of relating to his grandchild - as in his grandson's girlfriend is part of the family. Now he has a picture to show people - Oh look here's my grandson, he's X years old.  Here's his girlfriend. and so on and so forth.  I'd have a chat with him about social media etiquette and maybe even mention that he has made the GF uncomfortable by trying to make these connections with her even though they have not yet met.

Margo

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2013, 02:08:51 PM »
I thin k the two are different. Facebook - if he has friended them, they have to accept the friend request. I don't think it is up to you to police how someone else's child uses facebook. If you feel comfortable with doing so, you could mention to you FIL that this could be seen as odd and suggest that he consider friending only his own family and people he knows personally, but unless there is any suggestion he is making inappropriate comments then I think there is such a huge range of different ways to use facebook it is hard to say he is 'wrong'

Twitter - again, if you don't want to interact with someone you can block them. If a user has not 'locked' their accounts then their tweets can be seen by anyone, you don't control who choses to read what you say.

I think having a general conversation with him, and flagging up concerns  about unpleasant conclusions people may draw, but unless he is sending inappropriate messages to them I don't think it is anyone else's business.

Again, lots of ways to use twitter - I think it is quite common to follow people you may to know personally, if they chat to people you do know, for instance. And it isn't always obvious how old or what gender someone is when you follow them.


Eden

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #19 on: June 11, 2013, 02:33:28 PM »
I say that safety trumps etiquette, and since the parties involved are minors, the OP does need to address.

I agree that safety trumps etiquette but, so far anyway, there has been no safety violation here. He just friended them on facebook. There's been no mention of inappropriate messages or anything.

Shoo

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #20 on: June 11, 2013, 02:35:14 PM »
I say that safety trumps etiquette, and since the parties involved are minors, the OP does need to address.

I agree that safety trumps etiquette but, so far anyway, there has been no safety violation here. He just friended them on facebook. There's been no mention of inappropriate messages or anything.

Yeah, I don't get what the big deal is.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #21 on: June 11, 2013, 02:46:56 PM »
Finding pictures of grandson's girlfriend on his phone sets off my creep-o-meter.  Wouldn't he deliberately have to have saved them?

*inviteseller

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #22 on: June 11, 2013, 02:58:14 PM »
I say that safety trumps etiquette, and since the parties involved are minors, the OP does need to address.

I agree that safety trumps etiquette but, so far anyway, there has been no safety violation here. He just friended them on facebook. There's been no mention of inappropriate messages or anything.

Yeah, I don't get what the big deal is.

The deal is an adult  by a large margin(don't matter the gender) friending kids he does not know and then having their pics on his phone.  He may just be absolutely clueless, but he is opening himself up for some interesting assumptions by doing it.  And kids, unfortunately, tend to accept anyone who friends them (many conversations between DD and myself about who she friends) and too many parents do NOT monitor their kids electronic usage for this kind of thing.  These kids probably saw his last name, associated it with OP and her kids, even saw shared friends and accepted.  I don't see OP discussing this with her FIL as policing anyone's account, but taking steps to make sure he is not accused of anything untoward.  Hopefully, the kids he has friended will now think twice about who they friend.

lmyrs

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #23 on: June 11, 2013, 04:36:31 PM »
The BF's DD and the BF are being a little inconsistent here.  I don't understand why they are "mulling over" blocking grandpa unless they really aren't bothered by it. If they don't want DD and grandpa to be friends, it is 100% within their own power to fix it. But they aren't. It seems to me that they don't care that much.  i

*inviteseller

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #24 on: June 11, 2013, 04:46:29 PM »
OP is mulling over discussing the situation with FIL.  The gf was upset over finding out about the pics

WillyNilly

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #25 on: June 11, 2013, 04:47:24 PM »
I firmly believe the FIL here is no more guilty of creepy or poorly thought out behavior then the minors and the parents of the minors he's friending. Accepting friends is a two way street. and posting pictures on Instagram publicly is, well, public. Even if he is leering at the pictures (which we don't even know if that's the case) these young folks are ok'ing and encouraging the behavior with their own actions and their parents are condoning the behavior by allowing it to go on (presumably even on devices the parents themselves provided and continue to fund).

If anyone needs a talking to its the parents of the young women, who in turn should take some parental responsibility and speak to their daughters.

*inviteseller

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #26 on: June 11, 2013, 05:28:47 PM »
I agree WillyNilly, the parents do need to monitor better, but also, most adults know not to friend underage kids they don't know and to have their pics on their phone.  Kids are learning, adults should know.

Shoo

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #27 on: June 11, 2013, 05:41:24 PM »
I suspect the grandfather copied the pictures of his grandson's girlfriend so he can brag to his friends, "See how pretty my grandson's girlfriend is?  He's a chip off the old block, isn't he?"  That sort of thing.

Unless there some sort of PROOF this guy's a pedophile or pervert or something, of which I have seen none of in this thread. 

OP, do *you* think your FIL is some kind of pervert?  Why don't you weigh in on this and clear it up for us.

bellacullen

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #28 on: June 11, 2013, 05:43:01 PM »
I don't know how old your son and his gf are, but I just turned 17 recently so maybe I can be of a bit of help?

I have adults on my page that are parents and grandparents of my friends. BUT, I have my settings set up in such a way that they can only see certain things. My BFF's grandfather friended me almost as soon as he got a page. I think he was just trying to pad his friend count. I just added him and put him on my adult list. No harm no foul.

I think reading creepy in this is unfair. He may just be doing what my friends grandfather did and padding. The GF may very well have her settings in such a way as well. My mother made it a stipulation that she needed to be on my friends list. I post just enough, and include my adult list, to seem fairly active to her and my friends parents, who are also keeping tabs on us. But the things I wouldn't want adults to see, such as our beach pictures in bikinis, are only posted to my friends not the adults

It takes a few extra steps but I don't mind because really I love posting. ;)

WillyNilly

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Re: Father in Law--Facebook and Twitter
« Reply #29 on: June 11, 2013, 05:50:37 PM »
I agree WillyNilly, the parents do need to monitor better, but also, most adults know not to friend underage kids they don't know and to have their pics on their phone.  Kids are learning, adults should know.

I think its fair to say many 'kids' know  heck of a lot more about Facebook, Instagram and twitter then many senior citizens know. The grandpa is learning too.

But the fact remains that he hasn't done anything creepy. All has done is saved the photos of a [presumably] pretty young woman his grandson is romantically involved with, and friended people he knows of. Lots of people send friend requests to "friends of friends" - he's following standard Facebook procedures. It is not his job to monitor who teenage girls choose to 'friend' - he might honestly not even know these girls ages! And to further that, how young are we talking? Where is the cut off of "not creepy"? Is a 19 year old ok? She's still a teenager to his 65-70 years.