Author Topic: Who's paying for dinner?  (Read 5925 times)

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lilblu

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Who's paying for dinner?
« on: June 12, 2013, 03:43:09 AM »
My great auntie called me and my mom today asking if we wanted to come over Saturday or Sunday to play dominoes. She also said maybe we could go out to eat at the italian restaurant we went to last year. I told her we'd need a day or two to think about it because we weren't sure what we were doing this weekend.

My issue (and my mom's as well) is who is paying for dinner? Is our auntie going to pay or is everyone paying their own way? We really don't want to go if we have to pay because we think $10-$15 per person isn't worth it (as if the food really costs anywhere near that much). We'd rather just go to Burger King and pay $2 to $3 per person for the dollar menu. If auntie wants to throw her money away like that, then that's her prerogative, but I don't want to throw mine away.

So how do we find out who's paying before we decide to go? Since she called us, it would seem like she should pay but that doesn't mean she will. Is there a way to ask without coming across as rude or insulting? It's kind of an awkward thing to ask.

Thipu1

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2013, 04:14:22 AM »
Since you felt comfortable telling great auntie that you weren't sure of your weekend plans, I gather that you and your Mom are comfortable around her in general. 

Could it be possible to say that the domino gathering sounds nice but you aren't sure about the Italian restaurant?  If Auntie says something like ,'Oh, that's my treat'.  You have your answer.

sammycat

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2013, 05:59:18 AM »
Unless it's plainly stated upfront that someone else is paying for me (which is extremely and totally rare), I always assume I am paying my own way when I go somewhere.

In this situation, it wouldn't even occur to me that aunt is paying for me, so I'd make my decision based on that and proceed accordingly.

peaches

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2013, 06:17:02 AM »
These days, unless someone says "I/we would like to take you out to dinner" I assume that it's Dutch treat.

"Let's all go out to dinner together" is what people most often say in that circumstance, and it sounds like what your aunt is saying.

The good news is, if you are all paying your own way, the choice of restaurant should be negotiable. 


Emmy

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2013, 07:11:45 AM »
I agree that it is generally expected that most people will pay their own way if somebody makes a suggestion about getting dinner out.  I would assume you would pay your own way unless aunt specifically said it was her treat.  I do think it would be OK to tell her you didn't feel like splurging on dinner and suggest Burger King instead.

lowspark

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2013, 08:17:48 AM »
Unless it's plainly stated upfront that someone else is paying for me (which is extremely and totally rare), I always assume I am paying my own way when I go somewhere.

In this situation, it wouldn't even occur to me that aunt is paying for me, so I'd make my decision based on that and proceed accordingly.

POD.

I think you can accept the domino date but suggest Burger King instead.

Auntie, we'd love to come for dominos on Saturday but instead of the Italian place, can we do Burger King?

If she asks why, I think it's ok to say, It's more within our budget, although I wouldn't say that unless she asks because you don't want her to think you're angling for her to treat. But if she asks, you can be honest, at which point hopefully she will either go along with BK or say she'll treat at the Italian place.

cross_patch

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2013, 09:41:50 AM »
My great auntie called me and my mom today asking if we wanted to come over Saturday or Sunday to play dominoes. She also said maybe we could go out to eat at the italian restaurant we went to last year. I told her we'd need a day or two to think about it because we weren't sure what we were doing this weekend.

My issue (and my mom's as well) is who is paying for dinner? Is our auntie going to pay or is everyone paying their own way? We really don't want to go if we have to pay because we think $10-$15 per person isn't worth it (as if the food really costs anywhere near that much). We'd rather just go to Burger King and pay $2 to $3 per person for the dollar menu. If auntie wants to throw her money away like that, then that's her prerogative, but I don't want to throw mine away.

So how do we find out who's paying before we decide to go? Since she called us, it would seem like she should pay but that doesn't mean she will. Is there a way to ask without coming across as rude or insulting? It's kind of an awkward thing to ask.

You do realise it's not just the *food itself* that covers, but the preparing, cooking, serving and payment of the rent for the building in which all that occurs? I think your wording leaves a bit to be desired, particularly for those of us that do enjoy going to the odd restaurant. And I really don't think that because she called it means she has to pay. It also seems a bit rude to say you need a day or two to think about an invitation- are you waiting for a better offer? Surely you would know whether you had a prior engagement fairly quickly.

Zilla

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2013, 09:52:45 AM »
My great auntie called me and my mom today asking if we wanted to come over Saturday or Sunday to play dominoes. She also said maybe we could go out to eat at the italian restaurant we went to last year. I told her we'd need a day or two to think about it because we weren't sure what we were doing this weekend.

My issue (and my mom's as well) is who is paying for dinner? Is our auntie going to pay or is everyone paying their own way? We really don't want to go if we have to pay because we think $10-$15 per person isn't worth it (as if the food really costs anywhere near that much). We'd rather just go to Burger King and pay $2 to $3 per person for the dollar menu. If auntie wants to throw her money away like that, then that's her prerogative, but I don't want to throw mine away.

So how do we find out who's paying before we decide to go? Since she called us, it would seem like she should pay but that doesn't mean she will. Is there a way to ask without coming across as rude or insulting? It's kind of an awkward thing to ask.
I have to say if you feel this strongly as per bolded about paying money for an Italian meal, why would you let your aunt waste it on you?  Couldn't you say, "Oh Auntie, let's not go there and waste the money.  Let's eat at BK and then hang out."  That's what I would do if I felt the way you did. 

sammycat

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2013, 09:54:45 AM »
I wish I could find an Italian restaurant (or any restaurant for that matter) that only charged $10-$15 per meal.

cwm

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2013, 09:57:58 AM »
I'm with Zilla on this. If you don't want to waste money, why is it okay for someone else to waste the exact same amount of money on you?

Depending on how close you are to your aunt, you can always tell her that finances are a bit tight right now and that you'd love to play dominoes with her, but could you plan on BK for dinner instead as it's more within your budget? There's no need to sugar coat things, if you can't afford dinner but you still want to go, then tell her.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2013, 10:02:05 AM »
My great auntie called me and my mom today asking if we wanted to come over Saturday or Sunday to play dominoes. She also said maybe we could go out to eat at the italian restaurant we went to last year. I told her we'd need a day or two to think about it because we weren't sure what we were doing this weekend.

My issue (and my mom's as well) is who is paying for dinner? Is our auntie going to pay or is everyone paying their own way? We really don't want to go if we have to pay because we think $10-$15 per person isn't worth it (as if the food really costs anywhere near that much). We'd rather just go to Burger King and pay $2 to $3 per person for the dollar menu. If auntie wants to throw her money away like that, then that's her prerogative, but I don't want to throw mine away.

So how do we find out who's paying before we decide to go? Since she called us, it would seem like she should pay but that doesn't mean she will. Is there a way to ask without coming across as rude or insulting? It's kind of an awkward thing to ask.

You do realise it's not just the *food itself* that covers, but the preparing, cooking, serving and payment of the rent for the building in which all that occurs? I think your wording leaves a bit to be desired, particularly for those of us that do enjoy going to the odd restaurant. And I really don't think that because she called it means she has to pay. It also seems a bit rude to say you need a day or two to think about an invitation- are you waiting for a better offer? Surely you would know whether you had a prior engagement fairly quickly.

It doesn't really matter what the cost of the food is, if the OP doesn't think it's worth it. 

OP I would assume you all would be paying your own way.  If you're not comfortable with the Italian restaurant, then let your aunt know and see if you can come up with a compromise.  She won't know your preferences if you don't tell her.

Winterlight

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2013, 11:01:26 AM »
I'm with Zilla on this. If you don't want to waste money, why is it okay for someone else to waste the exact same amount of money on you?

Depending on how close you are to your aunt, you can always tell her that finances are a bit tight right now and that you'd love to play dominoes with her, but could you plan on BK for dinner instead as it's more within your budget? There's no need to sugar coat things, if you can't afford dinner but you still want to go, then tell her.

I agree. Be straightforward with her.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Otterpop

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2013, 11:29:27 AM »
I have an aunt who is waaay more well-off than me.  She's retired, no children, received inheritances, pension and travels the world.  I am raising a family on a single, but decent, income (we don't have the latest and greatest but all our needs are met). 

She frequently asks us to accompany her to this or that function, we pay for ourselves 90% of the time and it ends up costing for myself + 2 kids (and husband if he comes along).  Recently I've begun declining more and more often due to eroding finances.

The phrase I used just yesterday was "How much are the tickets?  I have to see if it works for this weeks budget."  This made things clear to both of us.  We didn't end up going as it was too expensive. 

If I were you I'd say "Getting together would be great, but dinner at X is out of our budget.  Can we eat at BK or somewhere cheaper?"  (If she says "my treat" you may take her up on it and eat where she wants).

WillyNilly

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2013, 11:32:55 AM »
Just say "Auntie, dominoes sound great, but I'm not so keen on the Italian restaurant."

And honestly, please try to re-phrase your dislike for restaurants in the future, your OP came across as quite nasty. Trust me plenty nasty things could be said about choosing mass produced fast food over made-by-a-human restaurant dishes too; its just rude to be so negative about other people's food preferences.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Who's paying for dinner?
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2013, 11:33:22 AM »
I have an aunt who is waaay more well-off than me.  She's retired, no children, received inheritances, pension and travels the world.  I am raising a family on a single, but decent, income (we don't have the latest and greatest but all our needs are met). 

She frequently asks us to accompany her to this or that function, we pay for ourselves 90% of the time and it ends up costing for myself + 2 kids (and husband if he comes along).  Recently I've begun declining more and more often due to eroding finances.

The phrase I used just yesterday was "How much are the tickets?  I have to see if it works for this weeks budget."  This made things clear to both of us.  We didn't end up going as it was too expensive. 

If I were you I'd say "Getting together would be great, but dinner at X is out of our budget.  Can we eat at BK or somewhere cheaper?"  (If she says "my treat" you may take her up on it and eat where she wants).

Great!