Author Topic: Birth announcement - a week afterward?  (Read 9867 times)

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Jones

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #75 on: June 13, 2013, 11:19:14 PM »
I had to sign a release to get my babys' announcement in the paper. I could select how much identification I wanted printed too.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #76 on: June 13, 2013, 11:39:13 PM »
I think it's a shame that our society understands the need for a couple to have time alone on a honeymoon, but lacks the same understanding in some instances with regard to newborns and bonding with mum and dad.

I think part of the problem is that society has an overly-optimistic mindset when it comes to other people and babies.  Not many generations ago, having other friends and relatives come over after a birth was almost a necessity, after all.  Baby born at home, the mother still responsible for the household tasks and possibly other children, in a fragile state of health (before modern medicine) after childbirth...I think people nowadays somehow think that it still works like that, that the mother needs or at the very least will welcome assistance from friends and relatives.  But nowadays it isn't usually needed in such an intense way (though exceptions do exist) and some relatives who would come really don't have the best interest of the new mother and child in mind, and either are flat out toxic or even just so self-centered that they hurt more than help.

Interesting points about having relatives come over.

Several of my friends have had babies over the past year or so. Nearly all my friends, whose parents live out of town, had their mothers come to stay after the birth to help them with the new baby. In a couple of cases, the mothers stayed for as long as six weeks. For my friends whose parents lived nearby, their mums visited nearly every single day, again, to help them out.

So it is very unusual, in my circles, for a new mother (and father) to go for an entire week after the birth without having the grandparents (or at least, the maternal grandmother) visit.

Elfmama

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #77 on: June 14, 2013, 05:30:08 PM »
Some people will complain no matter WHEN they're told.  DD1 was born about 3am.  DH waited until a civilized hour to call the new grandparents, about 8am, IIRC.    MIL reamed him a new one because he didn't call at 3:05.  ::)
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Mammavan3

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #78 on: June 14, 2013, 05:44:00 PM »
Some people will complain no matter WHEN they're told.  DD1 was born about 3am.  DH waited until a civilized hour to call the new grandparents, about 8am, IIRC.    MIL reamed him a new one because he didn't call at 3:05.  ::)

And I sold have been more than fine with being called the next morning. Waiting all those extra hours before I could see a new grandchild would have been excruciating!

TootsNYC

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #79 on: June 14, 2013, 05:51:46 PM »
Some people will complain no matter WHEN they're told.  DD1 was born about 3am.  DH waited until a civilized hour to call the new grandparents, about 8am, IIRC.    MIL reamed him a new one because he didn't call at 3:05.  ::)

And I sold have been more than fine with being called the next morning. Waiting all those extra hours before I could see a new grandchild would have been excruciating!

And *I* would have wanted to sleep! My perfect plan is to be told that they're headed for the hospital, and then to be called at a decent hour when the kid does come. And to visit at the hospital much later that day, if the parents are Ok with it.

Janice

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #80 on: June 14, 2013, 06:09:35 PM »
I don't see waiting a week as a big deal, if the couple wants to do that. This is one of those situations where YMMV depending on a whole slew of factors, none of which would be the same for any couple.  Things like: Difficult birth? Toxic relatives? Distance? Siblings or childcare needed? Did they even WANT help? It all plays into it.

My MIL was a toxic person with no boundaries whatsoever, and if I had produced kids, she would not have been notified until we were home and ready to receive visitors. So definitely not for at least a couple of days, and I would not have wanted any visitors in hospital. Friends of ours had a baby via a very traumatic C-section, and weren't sure he would survive for a couple of days. Until he was out of danger, the only people notified were their parents. No siblings, not even dear friends. Another couple waited 3 days after a routine birth just so they could get settled. Again, their call. Being hurt strikes me as being a bit SS-ish, but then I'm not a baby person either...I didn't see my latest nephew until he was 6 weeks old due to work travel commitments!

When my first nephew was born, their ILs visited no less than 12 times in 2 days, and stayed for at least an hour each time. It was way, way too much, but being as it was their first child, my S and BIL hadn't figured out that they could say no. Next kid, no visitors allowed until they were home, and everyone was much happier.

delabela

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #81 on: June 14, 2013, 06:47:29 PM »
I would be a bit taken aback if a close family member waited a week, but I would assume they had their reasons. 

Personally, I needed the support of the people closest to me - but for each person that level of comfort and need is different.

Deetee

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #82 on: June 19, 2013, 08:10:19 PM »
I totally get the "no visitors" thing even though that is not my preference as a mom. I prefer helpful visitors who tell me how beautiful my little scrunchy faced baby is.

I also want to disagree with people who suggest that the time with the baby should be a bonding time for immediate family. That is an option. It is a preferable option for some people, but I disagree that visitors should assume that is the default. If the parents express that preference of course everyone should stay away, no question there. For me, I WANT my extended family to meet the baby. Yes, she is my daughter, but she is also a granddaughter and a niece and a great niece and a cousin.  More than that, she is her own person and not my property. There are other important relationships aside from parent child. My children are very loved and I actively support the independent relationships they form.

When my sister had her baby, we were all told immediately and then no visitors were requested. There were health issue so we all stayed away and waited for her to call us and say we could come visit. They wanted the baby out of the hospital first.  Everyone completely respected and understood that. But if we hadn't been called, it would have been very hurtful.

Unless the family will run roughshod over your wishes, you should inform.

Addy

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #83 on: June 19, 2013, 09:15:46 PM »
I totally get the "no visitors" thing even though that is not my preference as a mom. I prefer helpful visitors who tell me how beautiful my little scrunchy faced baby is.

I also want to disagree with people who suggest that the time with the baby should be a bonding time for immediate family. That is an option. It is a preferable option for some people, but I disagree that visitors should assume that is the default. If the parents express that preference of course everyone should stay away, no question there. For me, I WANT my extended family to meet the baby. Yes, she is my daughter, but she is also a granddaughter and a niece and a great niece and a cousin.  More than that, she is her own person and not my property. There are other important relationships aside from parent child. My children are very loved and I actively support the independent relationships they form.

When my sister had her baby, we were all told immediately and then no visitors were requested. There were health issue so we all stayed away and waited for her to call us and say we could come visit. They wanted the baby out of the hospital first.  Everyone completely respected and understood that. But if we hadn't been called, it would have been very hurtful.

Unless the family will run roughshod over your wishes, you should inform.

And I disagree with your disagreement.  ;)

Of course every family is different and many people will want family surrounding them at this time. But I do think that visitors should assume that the default is time alone with baby and that they should wait to be invited, or at the very least, call first to see if visiting is ok. Then if the new family wants them there, all is well.

But assuming that the default is that everyone is welcome may well lead to an unhappy new mom, dad and baby.

Deetee

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #84 on: June 19, 2013, 09:39:20 PM »
I totally get the "no visitors" thing even though that is not my preference as a mom. I prefer helpful visitors who tell me how beautiful my little scrunchy faced baby is.

I also want to disagree with people who suggest that the time with the baby should be a bonding time for immediate family. That is an option. It is a preferable option for some people, but I disagree that visitors should assume that is the default. If the parents express that preference of course everyone should stay away, no question there. For me, I WANT my extended family to meet the baby. Yes, she is my daughter, but she is also a granddaughter and a niece and a great niece and a cousin.  More than that, she is her own person and not my property. There are other important relationships aside from parent child. My children are very loved and I actively support the independent relationships they form.

When my sister had her baby, we were all told immediately and then no visitors were requested. There were health issue so we all stayed away and waited for her to call us and say we could come visit. They wanted the baby out of the hospital first.  Everyone completely respected and understood that. But if we hadn't been called, it would have been very hurtful.

Unless the family will run roughshod over your wishes, you should inform.

And I disagree with your disagreement.  ;)

Of course every family is different and many people will want family surrounding them at this time. But I do think that visitors should assume that the default is time alone with baby and that they should wait to be invited, or at the very least, call first to see if visiting is ok. Then if the new family wants them there, all is well.

But assuming that the default is that everyone is welcome may well lead to an unhappy new mom, dad and baby.

Nah, we don't really disagree. I totally agree that you should wait/call first. Barging in is totally not cool. What I'm trying get across is I don't think people should wait for a gold plated invite. What I think works nicely (and what most/all people I know do) is express your enthusiasm for the baby and a visit and let the parents set the time. Something like "Congratulations, I'm so happy for you! How is everyone? blah..blah.. We would love to come and see the darling baby. Just let us know when you are ready for visitors."

The reason I don't think you should wait for a spontaneous invite is that some people (like me) recognize that babies are just not for everyone. So unless someone says they WANT to see the baby, I'm not going to invite them. To many people babies are boring or unpleasant or even painful reminders of infertility.

fountainof

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #85 on: June 20, 2013, 11:39:53 AM »
I have a close friend who had some issues after birth and she stayed a couple of days longer.  We (the close friends) were called about the birth but not about the complications.  I was totally fine with that, no one wants to rehash the carp that is going on when you feel poorly (it was the mom with the complications not the baby) you just want to rest and recover.  My best friend was so hurt by this as she wants to know when something serious is happening.  I had to explain it really isn't something she can demand being told and when someone is ill they need the space to focus on themselves not worry about if their friends/family are informed enough. 

Personally, I feel it is stressful and a selfish thing to expect someone ill to overly concern themselves with your need for information.  My BFF means well but she can overstep.  When I had a surgery I told her she couldn't call the hospital and check on me as the ward didn't allow that.  She called anyway so I had my Sister call her just so I didn't have too as I was TIRED.

alis

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #86 on: June 20, 2013, 04:01:01 PM »
I don't plan on having more but I think I would actually do this next time.

My MIL started barking at me because she couldn't find the salad spinner when I had the baby 3 hours prior (yes 3 hours, not 3 weeks or 3 days), and getting annoyed that I didn't want to sit at the dinner table at 6pm (the baby born at 10am).

Depends on the family members I guess. The rest of them were fine but she was worth not telling the world for a week as word gets around quick...

LeveeWoman

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #87 on: June 20, 2013, 04:31:39 PM »
I don't plan on having more but I think I would actually do this next time.

My MIL started barking at me because she couldn't find the salad spinner when I had the baby 3 hours prior (yes 3 hours, not 3 weeks or 3 days), and getting annoyed that I didn't want to sit at the dinner table at 6pm (the baby born at 10am).

Depends on the family members I guess. The rest of them were fine but she was worth not telling the world for a week as word gets around quick...


I would have kicked her behind to the curb.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #88 on: June 20, 2013, 05:36:57 PM »
I don't plan on having more but I think I would actually do this next time.

My MIL started barking at me because she couldn't find the salad spinner when I had the baby 3 hours prior (yes 3 hours, not 3 weeks or 3 days), and getting annoyed that I didn't want to sit at the dinner table at 6pm (the baby born at 10am).

Depends on the family members I guess. The rest of them were fine but she was worth not telling the world for a week as word gets around quick...

I would have kicked her behind to the curb.

"The salad spinner ? Oh, it broke & we bought a new one at KMart. It's stilll out in the car. DH forgot to bring it in. Be a dear &  bring it in, MIL. Thanks ! *runs to lock front door*"  >:D

alis

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Re: Birth announcement - a week afterward?
« Reply #89 on: June 20, 2013, 06:09:59 PM »
lol good thoughts! 3 hours postbirth I was not in a mindframe for anything clever. I'll write it down and use it again for next time ;)  >:D