Birth announcement - a week afterward?

[Cami]

For me, it would all depend upon the reasons why.

I can see why a couple whose parents are pushy and demanding and unhelpful would reasonably want to delay the announcement. I don't actually see how that's going to work, however, as unless they've lied about the due date, the grandparents are no doubt going to be calling to ask if the baby is imminent and you don't answer or they hear a noise in the background and the gig is up.  And are they going to lie if they are point blank asked, "Has her labor started?" Honestly, to me it seems like it's almost as stressful to lie as it is to tell the truth.

I know, however, a couple who kept it a secret because they were into the idea of a family unit bonding by excluding everyone else. They finally informed her mother 3 weeks after the birth (after lying and putting off her visiting for that time) because they wanted her help now. She was deeply hurt and told them that since the most important thing to them was bonding, she'd hate to intrude on the bonding that comes through solving problems on your own as a team. So good luck and call her when she wouldn't be intruding on their bonding time.  The next baby, they told her about shortly after birth.

[jane7166]

I wonder, if the extended family is local, if the public records in the newspaper for births, deaths, crime reports, etc., might turn into an unintended birth announcement if the parents wait more than a week before notifying anyone. 

[WillyNilly]

I wonder, if the extended family is local, if the public records in the newspaper for births, deaths, crime reports, etc., might turn into an unintended birth announcement if the parents wait more than a week before notifying anyone.

Birth records are published in your local papers? That seems a bit... too much personal information out in the public to me. I mean sure if someone sends in something to be announced, but for the paper to just run it?  That seems like a major invasion of privacy!

[Harriet Jones]

I wonder, if the extended family is local, if the public records in the newspaper for births, deaths, crime reports, etc., might turn into an unintended birth announcement if the parents wait more than a week before notifying anyone.

Birth records are published in your local papers? That seems a bit... too much personal information out in the public to me. I mean sure if someone sends in something to be announced, but for the paper to just run it?  That seems like a major invasion of privacy!

It seems unlikely that with the current HIPAA regulations that a baby's birth announcement would be published without the parents' consent.  A lot of newspapers may even charge to print the info.

[*inviteseller]

I'm sure they have their reasons...but it seems very strange to me.  With my first DD I called and woke my parents  up at 2 am and they were thrilled and waited a week to come see me (we did live an hour apart and parents worked).  My sister and best friend were at the hospital the next afternoon and I loved it.  exDH's family were at the house when we brought her home but didn't stay long.  With DD 2, I called my parents from the delivery room because they had older DD, my sister was with me in delivery room (dad was driving in from 4 hrs away and she came quick so he coached me on the phone!) .   It would truly have to be a toxic situation for me not to tell at least the immediate families as soon as possible. 

When older DD was born (18 years ago yesterday), I lived in a podunk town and they did list the births in the paper.

[Bluenomi]

In the case the OP has explained I can completely understand the parent's reasoning. Some grandparents/family are difficult to deal with and they are just making life easier on themselves which is perfectly acceptable.

When we had DD DH didn't let his parents know when I went into labour because he knew they would constantly hassle him for updates and he didn't want to be dealing with them at the time. I told my parents because I knew they wouldn't constantly call which they didn't.

This time around there is a very good chance we will know when the twins are arriving in advance so DH and I will be making some very clear rules for the grandparents and I wouldn't be surprised if DH doesn't tell his folks the date to avoid dramas.

[LifeOnPluto]

It does seem a bit cold to me. I think ideally, close relatives (such as the new grandparents) should be told within a day of the birth. If the new parents don't want visitors, they can let their loved ones know (and tell the hospital not to admit visitors to see the new mum, if necessary).

If the relatives are likely to ignore the request to not visit, I guess I can see why a couple may not want to tell anyone until after a week has passed. Although it seems a little unfair to lump all the reasonable relatives in with the boundary-trampling ones.

[Surianne]

I think when to notify others of the birth is an entirely personal choice based on family dynamics, and it's not for us (or anyone else) to judge.

[johelenc1]

I have never understood people - friends or cousins, etc - who go to the hospital to visit after a baby is born. It has always struck me as such a selfish cruel unloving thing to do - its only about the visitors desire to see the baby and fails to respect the new parents. To me, it just seems like such a personal, and exhausting, and overwhelming time. These days I might send a text or FB message, in the past I'd drop a card in the mail to be waiting for them when they got home, but I wait until the people are home to call and certainly to visit.

If I have been caring and supportive and interested prior to the actual birth, I never thought people would consider me uncaring for not immediately rushing out to see them. 

I definitely think with over-bearing parents, this couple has the right idea. Their pushy moms created a situation where they have been deemed "stressful" and "unwelcome" - now they can bear the burden of that reputation.

I loved people coming to see me at the hospital after my girls were born.  I was thrilled to share my joy.  My girls were also born at 26.1 weeks and were in great danger of not making it.  The first two weeks we had a dozen visitors to see how we were and to see the babies, including aunts and uncles that hadn't been to visit in years!  The day they were born - unexpectedly obviously - several people from my church came to wait at the hospital to lend support.  Over the next 4 months, I was able to introduce several friends to the girls and I loved every visit.

It made us feel loved and cared about.  I couldn't take my babies to church or to see friends or family.  I was so happy people were willing to come visit them in the hospital so I could show them off.  They were beautiful to me - even hooked up to IV's, tubes, and looking like scrawny little alien creatures.

If the parents want to wait a week - that's certainly their choice.  I couldn't even imagine not telling the grandparents their grandchild was born for a whole week.  If I was a grandparent, I couldn't imagine not being told for a week.  I would be beyond hurt.

But, I think it really says a lot about the relationship the parents have with their family.  To me, their parents better be pretty awful to warrant such treatment.  If the relationship wasn't already strained, the PTB better be prepared for it to be.  For me though, if I thought my family members were so bad I wouldn't tell them I had a baby for a week, then I probably wouldn't have them in my life at all.

[Twik]

I wonder, if the extended family is local, if the public records in the newspaper for births, deaths, crime reports, etc., might turn into an unintended birth announcement if the parents wait more than a week before notifying anyone.

Birth records are published in your local papers? That seems a bit... too much personal information out in the public to me. I mean sure if someone sends in something to be announced, but for the paper to just run it?  That seems like a major invasion of privacy!

As public records, they used to be run like that all the time.

[Pen^2]

I wonder, if the extended family is local, if the public records in the newspaper for births, deaths, crime reports, etc., might turn into an unintended birth announcement if the parents wait more than a week before notifying anyone.

Birth records are published in your local papers? That seems a bit... too much personal information out in the public to me. I mean sure if someone sends in something to be announced, but for the paper to just run it?  That seems like a major invasion of privacy!

As public records, they used to be run like that all the time.

The last three places I've lived in have all done this with births (not sure about deaths). Since it's all freely available to anyone as a part of public records, there is no invasion of privacy whatsoever. And people factor it into things anyway, so it doesn't really affect anything in the end.

[KarenK]

I think when to notify others of the birth is an entirely personal choice based on family dynamics, and it's not for us (or anyone else) to judge.

I agree with Surianne.

I'm waiting to hear about my imminent grand-nephew, who is due to arrive fairly soon. He's going to be born at the hospital where I work, so visiting will be no problem (so long as they're here Monday-Friday during normal business hours LOL!), but I won't go up unless they tell me it's okay. The mom does not need my support - she has a perfectly good mother and sister if she needs it - so I can add nothing to the party. If for some reason they decide to just go it alone and have no one visit during the time they're here, I'd be okay with that. It's up to them. Having a baby is a very personal thing, and the parents get to decide how to handle it. I'm here for them if they need me, and they know that.

[Redsoil]

I think it's a great idea, given that the couple obviously know the stress and problems that will ensue if they tell the grandparents soon after the birth.  Good on them!  It's a lovely thing for them to be able to relax somewhat and recover from the event without worrying about all the emotions dealing with (possibly toxic) relatives will bring.  No-one from a "normal" family will probably understand, but those of us with problem families understand only too well.

There may well be fallout, but is that likely to be any harder to deal with than what could happen if "normal" procedure is followed?  At least thay will have had their special time together before having to deal.

I think it's a shame that our society understands the need for a couple to have time alone on a honeymoon, but lacks the same understanding in some instances with regard to newborns and bonding with mum and dad.

[whatsanenigma]

It's a shame that they feel they have to do this, but sometimes people have relatives who don't respect boundaries.

I agree with this.  This is what would go through my mind if I were a friend in this situation, learning that I wouldn't know of the birth until a week afterwards.  I would feel a bit sad and left out, but not in a personal way.  I would understand that the family dynamics, which the details of are not my business, require this drastic action, and yes it is a shame, but it's not personal to me, it's just what has to be done for their particular situation.

[whatsanenigma]

I think it's a shame that our society understands the need for a couple to have time alone on a honeymoon, but lacks the same understanding in some instances with regard to newborns and bonding with mum and dad.

I think part of the problem is that society has an overly-optimistic mindset when it comes to other people and babies.  Not many generations ago, having other friends and relatives come over after a birth was almost a necessity, after all.  Baby born at home, the mother still responsible for the household tasks and possibly other children, in a fragile state of health (before modern medicine) after childbirth...I think people nowadays somehow think that it still works like that, that the mother needs or at the very least will welcome assistance from friends and relatives.  But nowadays it isn't usually needed in such an intense way (though exceptions do exist) and some relatives who would come really don't have the best interest of the new mother and child in mind, and either are flat out toxic or even just so self-centered that they hurt more than help.