Author Topic: It's not rude, but not done either  (Read 9976 times)

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Isisnin

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2013, 11:42:51 AM »
I've wonder if people do that (seat next to a person even though there are LOTS of empty seats) because they think that is THEIR seat.  You are seating in THEIR seat or the empty seat next to you is THEIR seat.

Which is why when that has happened to me, i stay seated.   >:D


snappylt

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2013, 11:48:38 AM »
That one happens to me on a fairly regular basis too. My guess is that they expect the bus to fill up and I look "safe", so they'd rather choose for themselves who to sit next to. I don't know... it's a guess anyway. I never know what to do either. I want to move, but feel it would be rude... though why I'm not quite sure.

A similar example is when swimming laps in the pool and somebody gets into "my" lane rather than picking a free one. In that situation I do just move. It seems less rude somehow - probably because it's A) less obvious. B) I don't have to inconvenience the other person by asking if I can get out like I would on the bus.

Isilleke , I agree that it would seem odd to me, too.  But I wonder if MariaE has made the correct guess.  Could the woman who sat next to you have wanted to sit next to you (another woman), knowing that all of the seats will soon be filled?

Yes, you can get up and move. (You're free to sit anywhere you like.)  But, if you do move, and if all the seats fill up, who knows who'll sit next to you at your new spot?

Then again, I could be wrong, and maybe the woman who sat next to you is someone to be avoided.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2013, 11:50:09 AM »
I'm not sure I'd be completely polite.  I'd be more like, 'Dude, seriously?  You had the choice of 50 other seats and you had to sit right next to me?'  And then I'd get up and move.

Although it probably wouldn't happen to me.  I always sit in the aisle seat.  If the bus is getting crowded, I will happily swing my legs into the aisle so you can get to the window seat but I'm not sitting there.  I'm mildly claustrophobic and sitting in the aisle seat helps with that.  Plus, I'm a large woman.  Most people don't want to sit next to me.

So, I'm curious.  Suppose that you *did* get up and move to another seat... and they followed you and sat down next to you again.  Is there a point in which it does become rude, and not just a violation of social norms?  Let's assume for the sake of argument that they aren't looking at you, don't smell, aren't doing anything else that would creep you out or anything... they just keep sitting next to you.
For me, that would be creepy.  I've just told you I'm not impressed, get up and move away from you and you come and sit beside me again?  Not cool.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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TootsNYC

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2013, 12:14:52 PM »

So, I'm curious.  Suppose that you *did* get up and move to another seat... and they followed you and sat down next to you again.  Is there a point in which it does become rude, and not just a violation of social norms?  Let's assume for the sake of argument that they aren't looking at you, don't smell, aren't doing anything else that would creep you out or anything... they just keep sitting next to you.

At that point, you yell "Get away from me!" at them and run up front to the bus driver. That's just beyond creepy. They don't NEED to do anything else.


spookycatlady

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #19 on: June 13, 2013, 01:21:02 PM »
I've been told that in some cultures, it's considered rude not to take the seat next to the only other passenger-- it implies that you think that you are too good for that person.  It's not a western thing, though and I can't remember where I read that, so take it with a grain of salt. 

I move in those circumstances.  I don't say anything, but when I do move, I then put my bag on the seat beside me.

I actually got scowled at yesterday when I took a free seat after being squished for 45 minutes by the guy next to me.  I swear that he kept growing in mass at every bump.  I don't know why he scowled, but I viewed it as his problem not mine.

Eeep!

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #20 on: June 13, 2013, 01:37:34 PM »
I have a variation on this predicament.  I sometimes get on a train at a busy station, but by the time that I get off the train if virtually empty.  A few times the person next to me also stays on and I have a total internal debate whether or not it is rude to get up and move to a seat by myself once there are a bunch open.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2013, 01:39:58 PM »
Eeep!, I think you'd be fine to move.  'Oh, look!  There's lots of empty seats.  I'm going to move so I can stretch out a bit.'
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2013, 01:44:29 PM »
I would also like to hear other instances that may not have been rude, but did leave a "why would you do that"?

Two that immediately came to mind when you asked that.

Women who, despite there being 10 empty (clean, perfectly fine) other stalls, insist on coming into the one right next to you.  Dang, get away.  A TAD bit of pretend privacy would be nice, thank you.

And a completely empty theater.  Mom and I joke about how long it's going to be before someone comes in and decides on the seat either right in front of us or right behind us.  Or even right next to us.  Doesn't matter where we are - it's not like we always sit in some kind of "preferred section" of the place.  SERIOUSLY?!  A whole empty theater, and the only spot you could find was the one on top of us?!


veronaz

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #23 on: June 13, 2013, 01:45:16 PM »
When this happens to me, it makes me uncomfortable.  Often they want to chat and I just want to relax and look out the window or whatever.  Once a woman started to tell me about her problem with her guy, and I didn’t want to hear it.  I said "Excuse me", got up and moved.  She mumbled “Excuse ME for trying to be friendly”, I ignored.

A few minutes later she found another free therapist and they loudly shared stories about how men can play with your head.  Whatever.  ::)

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #24 on: June 13, 2013, 01:49:54 PM »
Thought of another one.

Bunching.  I HATE bunching on the road.  One of my all-time pet peeves.

It happens on an open road (ie, not in the city).  The road will be clear ahead of and in back of me.  But people like to start to bunch up together instead of spreading out.  Not only is this dangerous (if one person had to stop for some reason*, everyone would crash) but it's stupid.  Spread the heck out.  You do not have to drive right on top of me.  We have a whole road - either speed up a bit or slow down a bit and spread out.  Then we can all go the speed we want, but won't be right up in a cluster.  What's really weird is looking at such a situation from a plane.  It really does happen.  You'll see a long stretch of road and then little clusters of cars.  Bizarre.

* You'd be amazed at how many times I've had to either stop or swerve unexpectedly on an open road.  Once, there was a mattress in the middle of my lane - it must have fallen off someone's truck.  Once, there was a construction sign fallen into my lane.  Both times, I called 911 to alert them that someone needed to take care of the problem before someone had an accident.  But if there had been cars around me in either of those instances - if we'd been bunched at the time - we would have all had a very serious accident.


Reader

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #25 on: June 13, 2013, 02:17:43 PM »
Or what about if you eat out at a fast food place and while eating in sitting in the most remote table of the empty dining room, only to have the very next customer take the closet seat to you possible when all the other seats are empty?

Winterlight

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #26 on: June 13, 2013, 02:20:52 PM »
I do this on the metro and don't consider it rude.

I get on the train at the same spot every morning because it allows me to get off and be right at the escalator, therefore avoiding the crowd of commuters trying to get on through other doors or who are also heading for the escalator. I will pick a seat as near to the door as possible (I'm commuting from the end of the line, at rush hour) even if there are empty seats elsewhere because when the train fills up, the previously nice empty seat in in the middle of the train means I have to start fighting my way out through the crowd at the stop previous to mine or I won't get off in time.
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cwm

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #27 on: June 13, 2013, 02:23:21 PM »
I would also like to hear other instances that may not have been rude, but did leave a "why would you do that"?

Two that immediately came to mind when you asked that.

Women who, despite there being 10 empty (clean, perfectly fine) other stalls, insist on coming into the one right next to you.  Dang, get away.  A TAD bit of pretend privacy would be nice, thank you.

And a completely empty theater.  Mom and I joke about how long it's going to be before someone comes in and decides on the seat either right in front of us or right behind us.  Or even right next to us.  Doesn't matter where we are - it's not like we always sit in some kind of "preferred section" of the place.  SERIOUSLY?!  A whole empty theater, and the only spot you could find was the one on top of us?!

In the theater, to be fair, I'm fairly limited in where I can sit, especially with some screen arrangements. I tend to sit about 3/4 of the way up right in front of the projector. If I'm too close, my head will hurt. If I'm off to one side, I won't be able to follow the movie too well, I know I get distracted by things on the side of the screen. 3D movies are worse than normal ones, and my boyfriend loves them. I have a limited window of seats I can pick while still enjoying the movie.

That being said, if there's only a few other people, I do try to leave them a bit of buffer space.

On the bus thing, I don't live in a place with regular public transit, so I'm not aware of all the etiquette of it. On the few occasions I've been on it, the buses have been fairly full, so I'm left picking whatever seat I can find. But I'd never be the person to sit right next to someone on an empty bus, I have enough anxiety and space issues with strangers that it would not happen. Actually, I'd probably set my stuff on the seat next to me and take two seats until the bus started filling up and the seat was needed, just to avoid something like this. And it's reasonable, whenever I travel around a city for a day or so, I've always got a VERY FULL backpack with me, sometimes it's hard to fit it in my lap.

BeagleMommy

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2013, 02:42:33 PM »
I don't think it's rude if you get up and move.  As long as you're not harumphing or pulling faces at the person who sat next to you.

The one that baffles me is why, when there are 75 open parking spaces in our university lot (unrestricted parking in summer), the little silver car parkscloserthanthis to me in the space next to mine.  I had to stand there and wait for her to move because I could not, physically, open the driver side door wide enough to enter my car.  >:(

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #29 on: June 13, 2013, 02:45:41 PM »
Quote
The one that baffles me is why, when there are 75 open parking spaces in our university lot (unrestricted parking in summer), the little silver car parkscloserthanthis to me in the space next to mine.

LOL!  YES! :D