Author Topic: It's not rude, but not done either  (Read 10247 times)

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bansidhe

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #30 on: June 13, 2013, 03:11:53 PM »
So, I'm curious.  Suppose that you *did* get up and move to another seat... and they followed you and sat down next to you again.  Is there a point in which it does become rude, and not just a violation of social norms?  Let's assume for the sake of argument that they aren't looking at you, don't smell, aren't doing anything else that would creep you out or anything... they just keep sitting next to you.

This very thing happened to me when I was in college and was taking the bus a lot. The culprit was a very strange woman who I think had some mental illness issues. She not only sat right next to me in a sparsely occupied bus, but sat waaaay too close. When I moved, she followed me - twice. At that point I got off the bus at the next stop, even though it wasn't the stop I needed.

That was back when I was much younger and not as sure of myself. If it happened again now, I would very firmly tell her to go sit elsewhere.
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Arizona

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #31 on: June 13, 2013, 03:16:42 PM »
Glad I'm not alone on this one.   :)

And I'm really only posting because this makes 10,000 posts!  Does that make me a super-super hero?   ;D

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #32 on: June 13, 2013, 03:27:48 PM »
I think if it makes you uncomfortable you should move seats. I do. I also agree it is an unwritten social norm not to sit next to a stranger when a bus or train is empty.

Thanks to those posters that explained why they sit on the aisle or have their bag next to them. I noticed quite a number of young women do this on my trains and assumed they were special snow flakes. But the more likely explanation is they are probably over men sitting next to them and starting up conversations.


JeanFromBNA

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #33 on: June 13, 2013, 03:37:52 PM »
I think if it makes you uncomfortable you should move seats. I do. I also agree it is an unwritten social norm not to sit next to a stranger when a bus or train is empty.

Thanks to those posters that explained why they sit on the aisle or have their bag next to them. I noticed quite a number of young women do this on my trains and assumed they were special snow flakes. But the more likely explanation is they are probably over men sitting next to them and starting up conversations.
This.  And I don't think that it's rude to put a bag on the seat next to you when there are plenty of open seats.  I think it's rude to keep the bag there when the train fills up, though. 

MrTango

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #34 on: June 13, 2013, 03:54:34 PM »
I think if it makes you uncomfortable you should move seats. I do. I also agree it is an unwritten social norm not to sit next to a stranger when a bus or train is empty.

Thanks to those posters that explained why they sit on the aisle or have their bag next to them. I noticed quite a number of young women do this on my trains and assumed they were special snow flakes. But the more likely explanation is they are probably over men sitting next to them and starting up conversations.
This.  And I don't think that it's rude to put a bag on the seat next to you when there are plenty of open seats.  I think it's rude to keep the bag there when the train fills up, though.

I completely agree.

SamiHami

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #35 on: June 13, 2013, 03:57:04 PM »
The place I used to work had shuttle buses to transport employees to and from the parking areas. The accepted etiquette is that when getting off the bus, the people in the first seats get off first, then the next row, and so on until it is empty. Except for one man. He always would get up from his seat and run to the front of the bus so he could be the first one off, even if he'd been way in the back. He was generally considered odd and a bit rude, but no one ever said anything to him about it. This went on for years, so it's not like he was unaware of the accepted protocol.

Eventually there came a time that I sat next to him. He was in the inside seat by the window and I was in the aisle seat. As we approached the stop he started making moves like he wanted to get up so he could make his "run." I did not move. The bus stopped and people started filing off as usual. He asked me to move for him. I put on an innocent face and said, "Oh, it's not our turn yet! I'll move as soon as it is." and ignored him.

I guess I was rude for not moving when he asked me to? I don't know. I liked that I made him wait his turn like everyone else.

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Onyx_TKD

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #36 on: June 13, 2013, 04:45:16 PM »
I would also like to hear other instances that may not have been rude, but did leave a "why would you do that"?

Two that immediately came to mind when you asked that.

Women who, despite there being 10 empty (clean, perfectly fine) other stalls, insist on coming into the one right next to you.  Dang, get away.  A TAD bit of pretend privacy would be nice, thank you.

And a completely empty theater.  Mom and I joke about how long it's going to be before someone comes in and decides on the seat either right in front of us or right behind us.  Or even right next to us.  Doesn't matter where we are - it's not like we always sit in some kind of "preferred section" of the place.  SERIOUSLY?!  A whole empty theater, and the only spot you could find was the one on top of us?!

FWIW, there are other issues besides cleanliness that can effect stall choices. For example, there can be significant differences in lighting between stalls due to where the overhead lights are located. If the toilet is in a shadow it's hard to tell whether the seat is clean or if it needs to be wiped down (they're frequently rather disgusting). Also, not all of the stalls have usable trash bins, which is important at certain times. In theory, they all have trash bins, but some are mounted in such a way that trying to put something in from the wrong side can knock the whole bin out of place into the neighboring stall. There are certain stalls in restrooms I use regularly that I avoid unless all other stalls are full because of those reasons. Other people likely have additional criteria that I don't even think of.

Ginger G

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #37 on: June 13, 2013, 04:51:56 PM »
I don't take the bus, but once my boyfriend at the time and I were in a fairly empty movie theater and another couple came in and sat right beside us.  It was so odd...I felt very uncomfortable so we moved.

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #38 on: June 13, 2013, 04:52:48 PM »
Quote
FWIW, there are other issues besides cleanliness that can effect stall choices. For example, there can be significant differences in lighting between stalls due to where the overhead lights are located. If the toilet is in a shadow it's hard to tell whether the seat is clean or if it needs to be wiped down (they're frequently rather disgusting). Also, not all of the stalls have usable trash bins, which is important at certain times. In theory, they all have trash bins, but some are mounted in such a way that trying to put something in from the wrong side can knock the whole bin out of place into the neighboring stall. There are certain stalls in restrooms I use regularly that I avoid unless all other stalls are full because of those reasons. Other people likely have additional criteria that I don't even think of.

While that may be true, it's not of one of the places I'm thinking of right now.  Everything's clean, in its proper place, lit well, same size (except the handicapped one, of course), etc.  Annoying as all get out.

cwm

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #39 on: June 13, 2013, 04:58:09 PM »
Quote
FWIW, there are other issues besides cleanliness that can effect stall choices. For example, there can be significant differences in lighting between stalls due to where the overhead lights are located. If the toilet is in a shadow it's hard to tell whether the seat is clean or if it needs to be wiped down (they're frequently rather disgusting). Also, not all of the stalls have usable trash bins, which is important at certain times. In theory, they all have trash bins, but some are mounted in such a way that trying to put something in from the wrong side can knock the whole bin out of place into the neighboring stall. There are certain stalls in restrooms I use regularly that I avoid unless all other stalls are full because of those reasons. Other people likely have additional criteria that I don't even think of.

While that may be true, it's not of one of the places I'm thinking of right now.  Everything's clean, in its proper place, lit well, same size (except the handicapped one, of course), etc.  Annoying as all get out.


I've been known to have preference for stalls despite all other things being equal. There are a few at my old work that would always run out of TP before any of the others. The way the doors opened, you'd have to go in and close the stall door before noticing if they had TP or not. I'd just always go to the one that was likely to be full. It got to be a habit, that was "my" stall regardless of where anyone else was.

I knew a girl who had some sort of internal algorithmn to determine the best stall to use. I'm not sure how it went, but sometimes she'd be right beside me, sometimes she'd be across the room as far away as possible. I never questioned it, because if that's what makes someone else comfortable, who am I to judge? Odd? Absolutely. But I don't see toilet stall choice as rude, that's why the walls are there. Unless she's talking to you or asking for things under the wall, I don't see a problem in the least bit.

whatsanenigma

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #40 on: June 13, 2013, 04:58:22 PM »
My only experiences with people sitting next to me in an almost-empty bus involve those people wanting to tell me how wonderful Diety-of-their-choice is.  That is what I would assume anyone doing this, especially following me to another seat (which has never happened) and would try to ignore them, or if they spoke to me, react accordingly as I would to anyone who wants me to convert to their religion.

And I find that when I do want to move away from someone (the bus was really crowded when we got on but now it's not, for example) that moving when the bus is at a stop picking up/dropping off other passengers feels less obvious to me, so I will usually wait for a stop when I want to do this.

Yvaine

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #41 on: June 13, 2013, 05:10:00 PM »
I would also like to hear other instances that may not have been rude, but did leave a "why would you do that"?

Two that immediately came to mind when you asked that.

Women who, despite there being 10 empty (clean, perfectly fine) other stalls, insist on coming into the one right next to you.  Dang, get away.  A TAD bit of pretend privacy would be nice, thank you.

And a completely empty theater.  Mom and I joke about how long it's going to be before someone comes in and decides on the seat either right in front of us or right behind us.  Or even right next to us.  Doesn't matter where we are - it's not like we always sit in some kind of "preferred section" of the place.  SERIOUSLY?!  A whole empty theater, and the only spot you could find was the one on top of us?!

FWIW, there are other issues besides cleanliness that can effect stall choices. For example, there can be significant differences in lighting between stalls due to where the overhead lights are located. If the toilet is in a shadow it's hard to tell whether the seat is clean or if it needs to be wiped down (they're frequently rather disgusting). Also, not all of the stalls have usable trash bins, which is important at certain times. In theory, they all have trash bins, but some are mounted in such a way that trying to put something in from the wrong side can knock the whole bin out of place into the neighboring stall. There are certain stalls in restrooms I use regularly that I avoid unless all other stalls are full because of those reasons. Other people likely have additional criteria that I don't even think of.

*nod* And if you know a place really well, you know which stall has the lock that looks OK but is actually broken and they never ever get around to fixing it, that sort of thing. Or you know one of the stalls has the "no waste" TP dispenser that gives you one sheet at a time and you know you're going to need more.

I never knew there was actually this rule in a women's restroom. I knew guys won't use the urinal next to each other, but with stalls that close, I don't see the issue. Personally, I do tend to avoid plopping right down next to someone else if all things are completely equal, but they're not always equal.

SciFiLeslie

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #42 on: June 13, 2013, 05:23:00 PM »
  I always sit in the aisle seat.  If the bus is getting crowded, I will happily swing my legs into the aisle so you can get to the window seat but I'm not sitting there.  I'm mildly claustrophobic and sitting in the aisle seat helps with that.  Plus, I'm a large woman.  Most people don't want to sit next to me.

Be it accurate or not, I've always perceived it just a bit rude if a person merely swivels so I can squish by.  How hard is it to stand up?  And yes,  I am aware that not all physical limitations are obvious.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #43 on: June 13, 2013, 05:25:09 PM »
My only issue with standing up is that if it is really crowded, some bacon-fed-knave is liable to follow the person sitting in the window seat and take the aisle seat and I end up standing!  But if there isn't enough room for someone to get through easily, I would stand up.
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Yvaine

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #44 on: June 13, 2013, 05:26:17 PM »
  I always sit in the aisle seat.  If the bus is getting crowded, I will happily swing my legs into the aisle so you can get to the window seat but I'm not sitting there.  I'm mildly claustrophobic and sitting in the aisle seat helps with that.  Plus, I'm a large woman.  Most people don't want to sit next to me.

Be it accurate or not, I've always perceived it just a bit rude if a person merely swivels so I can squish by.  How hard is it to stand up?  And yes,  I am aware that not all physical limitations are obvious.

I wouldn't expect someone to get up so I could get to the seat next to them. The bus is probably moving again by then, so it's awkward, and takes longer than just turning besides.