Author Topic: It's not rude, but not done either  (Read 9771 times)

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DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #45 on: June 13, 2013, 05:26:50 PM »
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But I don't see toilet stall choice as rude, that's why the walls are there.

Which is why it's in this thread. ;)

And you may have your reasons for going into the stall next to me when all the others are exactly the same.  But I also have my reasons for inwardly groaning and thinking we could have spread out more instead of pottying together!

TootsNYC

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #46 on: June 13, 2013, 06:37:14 PM »
My only issue with standing up is that if it is really crowded, some bacon-fed-knave is liable to follow the person sitting in the window seat and take the aisle seat and I end up standing!  But if there isn't enough room for someone to get through easily, I would stand up.

Plus, if the bus is crowded, or if someone is standing right by your seat, it's extra disruptive to those standing in the aisle for you to actually get out of your seat to make room.

gemma156

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #47 on: June 13, 2013, 06:50:05 PM »
I find women who choose to sit next to another woman on the bus, when the bus still has lots of sitting available, are probably experiencing mild form of social anxiety.  That way they can control who they sit with and are not stuck sitting next to a strange guy, for the duration of the trip to wherever they are going.

Not everyone is as confident going out and travelling alone or even just commuting to work.  Even the ones that argue about you removing your bags so that they can sit there, are showing just how desperate their need to control their environment is.  If you find them a little too much just smile and stand and say please be my guest, when they settle down, then just move to another seat and continue to enjoy your commute home/to work.

Betelnut

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #48 on: June 13, 2013, 08:23:09 PM »
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But I don't see toilet stall choice as rude, that's why the walls are there.

Which is why it's in this thread. ;)

And you may have your reasons for going into the stall next to me when all the others are exactly the same.  But I also have my reasons for inwardly groaning and thinking we could have spread out more instead of pottying together!

I really wouldn't notice (that you are in the other stall) to tell the truth! 
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Winterlight

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #49 on: June 13, 2013, 08:34:28 PM »
  I always sit in the aisle seat.  If the bus is getting crowded, I will happily swing my legs into the aisle so you can get to the window seat but I'm not sitting there.  I'm mildly claustrophobic and sitting in the aisle seat helps with that.  Plus, I'm a large woman.  Most people don't want to sit next to me.

Be it accurate or not, I've always perceived it just a bit rude if a person merely swivels so I can squish by.  How hard is it to stand up?  And yes,  I am aware that not all physical limitations are obvious.

IME, by the time the person gets to the seat, the bus has started to move again and the seated person trying to stand just means a potential fall onto me.
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Midnight Kitty

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #50 on: June 13, 2013, 08:43:24 PM »
My guess is that they expect the bus to fill up and I look "safe", so they'd rather choose for themselves who to sit next to.
This!

I see lots of "interesting assumptions" in this thread.  Just because you think something has negative connotations doesn't make it rude.  The other person may have a perfectly reasonable explanation.  I am a small woman and I don't like it when a large person sits next to me, overflowing their seat and expecting me to suck it up and squeeze over.  I take the same bus to work 3-4 times a week.  I get on near the beginning of the line, but know it will fill up before we travel a mile.  I know I'm going to share the bench with someone and I prefer to sit next to another small woman, preferably one not drenched in perfume.

Should I tell the woman I sit next to why I chose her over sitting next to a (temporarily) empty seat?  It doesn't seem to be a situation which requires justification or explanation. :-\
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heathert

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #51 on: June 13, 2013, 08:52:26 PM »
Midnight, you probably need to start watching their body language.  If it's clear they aren't comfortable, I think you should consider alternatives. Honestly, I wouldn't like it myself. YMMV

Raintree

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #52 on: June 13, 2013, 09:49:57 PM »
Regarding toilet stalls, many factors determine my choice (cleanliness, availability of TP, lighting, locks in working order), but the presence or absence of someone in the next stall over is not one of them. Never occurred to me that it might be an issue for someone.

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #53 on: June 13, 2013, 10:34:58 PM »
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I see lots of "interesting assumptions" in this thread.  Just because you think something has negative connotations doesn't make it rude

The title already says it isn't. That's the point of the thread.

Raintree, now you do. It's always seemed weird to me that women feel the need to do it.


Surianne

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #54 on: June 13, 2013, 10:50:31 PM »
I see this as the sort of thing where the person who doesn't like someone sitting next to them on the bus or using the washroom stall next to them needs to recognize that it's a personal quirk, and that other people exist in the world. 

I'm not big on people getting close to me, but I don't expect other people to give me a buffer on the bus or in the washroom.   There are plenty of understandable reasons raised in this thread to choose a seat or stall next door to another person and I don't deserve two seats/stalls (one for me, and an empty one to indulge my hypothetical preference to not sit/pee next to anyone) any more than anyone else does.

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #55 on: June 13, 2013, 11:07:00 PM »
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I see this as the sort of thing where the person who doesn't like someone sitting next to them on the bus or using the washroom stall next to them needs to recognize that it's a personal quirk, and that other people exist in the world.

Everyone, really, I think that was the point of the thread. Reread the OP's post. She asked for examples of things that aren't rude but do invite a "why would you do that?" thought. There may be an answer to why someone does it. But that doesn't negate the fact that there are things that make us think that question. There are probably times we all think that about something someone does. And there could be a good reason they've done it, too.

Even the title of the thread kinda explains that these are things that aren't actually rude.



ETA: at least, that's how I saw the OP's question. Maybe I'm reading it wrong?



« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 11:10:08 PM by DottyG »

Surianne

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #56 on: June 13, 2013, 11:09:24 PM »
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I see this as the sort of thing where the person who doesn't like someone sitting next to them on the bus or using the washroom stall next to them needs to recognize that it's a personal quirk, and that other people exist in the world.

Everyone, really, I think that was the point of the thread. Reread the OP's post. She asked for examples of things that aren't rude but do invite a "why would you do that?" thought. There may be an answer to,why someone does it. But that does negate the fact that there are things that make us think that question.

Even the title of the thread kinda explains that these are things that aren't actually rude.

I actually didn't use the word rude at all.  I don't need to reread the OP's post.  My reading comprehension is fine. 

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #57 on: June 13, 2013, 11:12:11 PM »
It was a general post replying to several past comments. I quoted yours for ease instead of copying and pasting all of them (one of which did use that word). I'm typing on an iPad; it's not as easy to copy and paste everyone's posts as it would be on a computer.


Onyx_TKD

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #58 on: June 13, 2013, 11:14:52 PM »
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I see lots of "interesting assumptions" in this thread.  Just because you think something has negative connotations doesn't make it rude

The title already says it isn't. That's the point of the thread.

Raintree, now you do. It's always seemed weird to me that women feel the need to do it.

Sorry, what is "it"? Using the stall next to someone else? I understand that it's irritating, but I doubt they're choosing the stall because it's next to an occupied stall. Like I and other posters have said, there are a lot of possible reasons for choosing one stall over another. You may not notice whatever distinction drove their choice because it's not something that's important to you, just as it may not occur to them that someone might be bothered by someone using the adjacent stall.

DottyG

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #59 on: June 13, 2013, 11:18:22 PM »
Sorry, what is "it"? Using the stall next to someone else? I understand that it's irritating, but I doubt they're choosing the stall because it's next to an occupied stall. Like I and other posters have said, there are a lot of possible reasons for choosing one stall over another. You may not notice whatever distinction drove their choice because it's not something that's important to you, just as it may not occur to them that someone might be bothered by someone using the adjacent stall.

Since I already, basically, replied to this before, it's probably easier to just copy and paste.

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Which is why it's in this thread.  ;)

And you may have your reasons for going into the stall next to me when all the others are exactly the same.  But I also have my reasons for inwardly groaning and thinking we could have spread out more instead of pottying together!