Author Topic: It's not rude, but not done either  (Read 9703 times)

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Stormtreader

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #90 on: June 18, 2013, 07:05:22 AM »
Unless the wind is loud enough to be scary, and then maybe the huddle is better. Ok, lets START lone and see how it goes? ;)

Gyburc

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #91 on: June 18, 2013, 07:09:18 AM »
I was just thinking about this issue again - specifically the question of space on public transport - and it occurred to me that I have different expectations of what is 'normal' depending on the circumstances.

In the case I mentioned previously, the particular coach I was travelling on could usually be guaranteed to be quite empty, and had already passed the stop at which most people normally got on, so in these circumstances having someone sit directly in front of me seemed odd. On the local bus home from work, on the other hand, which would usually be completely full, I would expect to have someone sit next to me, or have to sit next to someone myself, and wouldn't mind at all, provided they didn't actually sit on me.

In the same way, when I'm standing at the bus stop or in a shop, I expect the next person in line to keep a reasonable distance from me, otherwise I feel quite uncomfortable. But when I go on the London Underground at rush-hour that same person could be jammed right up against me, and it wouldn't faze me at all.

So my personal space bubble clearly has the capacity to expand and contract in different circumstances. Interesting, isn't it.

(I'd also like to add that I'm another person who dislikes having someone in the cubicle next to me when I am on the toilet. Rationally I know it doesn't matter in the least, and the other person probably isn't paying the slightest bit of attention to me, but it still bugs me.)
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Stormtreader

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #92 on: June 18, 2013, 07:22:23 AM »
Ive always assumed that bathrooms/public transport work on the basis of available space - all the options are pretty much the same so you maximise the space between you and other people, and as it gets fuller then the options decrease.

Cinema is a bit different because theres an area of "good" seats, so you can end up with people all sitting in the same area but usually leave a gap of at least one seat in between the groups when possible.

Catananche

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #93 on: June 18, 2013, 07:33:51 AM »
If there is plenty of free space to chose from (on public transport, parking lot, elevator etc) it just seems so odd if someone picks the space closest to where you are or where your car is. As someone else posted my personal bubble changes with the amount of space on offer. If there is plenty of space it's strange/weird/creepy when someone is pressed tightly against me. If the bus or train is very full being squished between two other people is just par for the course and it's not strange at all.

I've experienced the car thing as well. On a HUGE parking lot I parked in the row farthest away from the entrance. The lot was almost empty when I did that, the spot I parked in was nothing special: no shade, not closer to the exit, not the employee parking lot, not close to any greenery, just very far away from the entrance. When I came back the parking lot was still almost empty, except for the car parked right next to mine. It was just so strange to see. Not rude, just very strange.

WillyNilly

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #94 on: June 18, 2013, 10:39:38 AM »
...So my personal space bubble clearly has the capacity to expand and contract in different circumstances. Interesting, isn't it...

Mine does too. And actually that's why I'm so cognizant of when its being invaded. I live in NYC where buses and trains fill up to so crowded sometimes its no problem that you can't reach a pole to hold onto - there's no way you can fall you are so squished in. Sidewalks are crowded, restaurants are crowded, restrooms are crowded, etc.

So when I get on an off-peak bus that isn't going to fill up, or use an office restroom with 10 stalls that never sees more then 3 being used at a time, etc I really notice - and am bothered - when someone comes right up next to me. Because I feel like "aww come on! This was my chance! I don't get many 'not crowded' moments in my life and this was one of them and you took it from me. You just couldn't let me have it. Dang!"

TootsNYC

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #95 on: June 18, 2013, 10:52:31 AM »
And also--"don't YOU want to have some space around you? What sort of person are you, that you don't want to increase your space bubble when you have a chance?"

my experience has taught me that people who will seek out a smaller space bubble in those instances are people for whom *all* boundaries are a problem. So they'll chat w/ you about stuff that's WAY too personal; or some other sort of unpleasant boundary-trampling.

it's an important signal.

Figgie

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #96 on: June 18, 2013, 11:20:03 AM »
A guy I used to know would always park next to the car that was parked out at the edges of a parking lot, ignoring all of the closer spaces.  I asked him why and he told me that people were too careful about their vehicles and this was his way of showing them that they couldn't keep their vehicles away from him if he didn't want them to. 

So, for him it was about "no one is going to tell me where I can't park."  This is someone I only had contact with for a very short period of time and that is because his belief that other people were always trying to "control him" made him a singularly unpleasant person to be around!

Venus193

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Re: It's not rude, but not done either
« Reply #97 on: June 18, 2013, 11:46:20 AM »
And also--"don't YOU want to have some space around you? What sort of person are you, that you don't want to increase your space bubble when you have a chance?"

my experience has taught me that people who will seek out a smaller space bubble in those instances are people for whom *all* boundaries are a problem. So they'll chat w/ you about stuff that's WAY too personal; or some other sort of unpleasant boundary-trampling.

it's an important signal.

Oh, yes.

It gets on my last nerve when standing on line for anything and the people behind me step up closer than necessary.  The way the sensors work on supermarket conveyor belts to the cashier so that the next person's stuff is in your face while you're paying annoy me so much I have taken sometimes to putting a bag from another store just behind my groceries so the next person isn't close enough to see me punch the PIN into the credit card scanner.