Author Topic: Overprotective? Reasonable?  (Read 3919 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Marguette

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 349
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2013, 10:34:03 AM »
And it would probably go better with your sister if you don’t explain all the above to her in detail, just stick with “no, that won’t work for us – I’ll have to pass.”

Besides, what if the flight is late…

mime

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 721
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2013, 10:38:11 AM »
Nobody knows the strengths and limits of your child like you, and when it is necessary to give them more support and when to let them 'deal with it'. With my own kids, I would absolutely make the same choice you're making. Don't let the entitled eye-rolling of your sister make you second-guess your parenting decisions.

As for sleeping arrangement for toddlers while traveling: both of my boys were/are very 'cuddly' toddlers, so sleeping in bed with mom or dad was a special treat on vacations, and made them settle in and feel comfortable sleeping in a new place, and a good night's sleep makes happier vacations!


Two Ravens

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2310
  • One for sorrow, Two for mirth...
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2013, 10:48:00 AM »
And it would probably go better with your sister if you don’t explain all the above to her in detail, just stick with “no, that won’t work for us – I’ll have to pass.”

Besides, what if the flight is late…

I agree. Honestly, as someone without kids, you'd have probably gotten the "Ok, ok." reaction from me too. You were over explaining (or over-justifying). It doesn't mean your reasoning isn't sound. I just doubt your sister cares about your son's "safe zones" or how awful your parents are with boundaries. She was thinking, "Ohh - maybe company for the concert!"

Just a firm, "No, I really want to be around the first night." was all you needed.

citadelle

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 513
  • fully functional & aesthetically pleasing
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2013, 10:50:21 AM »
When I get to my parents' house, I am thrilled to leave my youngest in their care, since I know they love her and I trust them. This makes it easy for me to go out or just take a nap.

I think this is more an issue with how you view your parents rather than how you view your child. Your parents raised you, so you know their "style".

Pen^2

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1107
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #19 on: June 13, 2013, 11:00:47 AM »
I can't see how it can be called overprotective when you know your toddler will be worked up after an unusual (for him) situation and are planning on acting accordingly rather than palming him off to someone else to deal with. I would instead call this 'reasonable' and 'parenting'.

If he's throwing a tantrum or is otherwise being unreasonable, then staying around to calm him isn't always the best option, and can be coddling or overprotective, yes. But if it's a scenario that is new to him or is reasonably stressful, e.g. trip to the dentist, first school play, first long flight, etc. then it is a very responsible thing to decide in advance that you will be there so you can help him through it emotionally, sooth him if he gets stressed or worked up, etc. so that the next time he will need less support and can gradually become more independent. Rather than having him go through a big, new, exhausting experience and then immediately passing him over to someone else just when he's at his worst emotionally.

Your sister clearly wants you to come along and is trying to find a way, but saying "let someone else deal with your cranky toddler" isn't solving it. You know your son better than her; you make the calls here. If you feel he'll be hyper, tired, or otherwise worked up, then good for you for taking steps to deal with that responsibly. If you thought he'd be fine with it, or if you'd done this before and he was used to it somewhat, then going and doing your own thing after arriving would be more understandable (e.g. taking citadelle's nap :P)

"I'm afraid that won't be possible", "that won't work for us", and any similar phrase would do nicely here.

bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5164
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #20 on: June 13, 2013, 11:50:56 AM »
When I get to my parents' house, I am thrilled to leave my youngest in their care, since I know they love her and I trust them. This makes it easy for me to go out or just take a nap.

I think this is more an issue with how you view your parents rather than how you view your child. Your parents raised you, so you know their "style".

I think it's both.  Even though I trust my parents with my toddler, I still wouldn't pawn her off on them when I know she's going to be worked up, emotional and extra cranky.  Trusting them to take care of her properly is only half the equation.  It's still not right to knowingly leave them with a child that I know will be extra emotional and more challenging than reasonable/normal for her. 

Also, this is a vacation, I presume to visit the entire family.  And they are guests in her parent's home.  While I have no problem making plans with other family and friends during a vacation to visit parents, I don't think I'd do it on the first night.  "Hi, Mom and Dad, I just got in from a long flight.  Her are my bags and my cranky child, I'm going off to have fun.  See ya!" 

The OP is right to recognize that the first night is not the night to do this for several reasons. 

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30555
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2013, 12:16:57 PM »

Also, this is a vacation, I presume to visit the entire family.  And they are guests in her parent's home.  While I have no problem making plans with other family and friends during a vacation to visit parents, I don't think I'd do it on the first night.  "Hi, Mom and Dad, I just got in from a long flight.  Her are my bags and my cranky child, I'm going off to have fun.  See ya!" 

The OP is right to recognize that the first night is not the night to do this for several reasons.

I agree--I probably wouldn't head out that first night unless:
a) we got in pretty early in the day;
b) it was a concert I really, really wanted to see.
(and my kids were incredibly easy to leave--but I still probably wouldn't have done it just because, well, I just got there; I want to sit down!)

shygirl

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1278
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2013, 12:56:41 PM »
I do somewhat agree with Toots that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I DID leave him the first night, but this is supposed to be a nice, relaxing vacation.  There is going to be some transitioning issues, and historically my son does not do well with transitions, so why delay that point? 

Your sister doesn't sound like a very nice person.  She wants you to dump your "wild animal" child on your parents because she wants to have fun.  Not fair to your child or your parents. 

Maybe I just don't tolerate eye-rolling. 

Eye-rolling is rude, but this was over an IM chat, so it's not like she was doing it in front of my face.  Maybe she wasn't even rolling her eyes.  My sister is a nice person, though.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30555
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #23 on: June 13, 2013, 01:24:01 PM »
I do somewhat agree with Toots that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I DID leave him the first night, but this is supposed to be a nice, relaxing vacation.  There is going to be some transitioning issues, and historically my son does not do well with transitions, so why delay that point? 


Yeah, see? You're being realistic (both directions--knowing him, and also not coddling him unnecessarily) about the price that you and your son might pay, and you just don't want to pay it.

Not for this concert, not at this time, not at the price you are expecting.

W/ family, close friends, etc., we want to share ourselves, so we often give reasons, etc. But one offshoot of this is that it just gives them a target to aim at in trying to get us to change our minds.

Points to any of us who can recognize this happening and switch over into "the truth is, I don't want to badly enough."

AvidReader

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 134
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #24 on: June 13, 2013, 01:52:26 PM »
No, you are not being overprotective, and yes, you are being perfectly reasonable.  You know your child best and what will be needed for him to settle in.   

As to sleeping tips, whatever he is accustomed to in his bed at home...an indispensible blanket, pillow, nightlight, bedtime story book, teddy bear or other cuddly?   Whatever will best replicate his routine at home.

Mammavan3

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 365
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #25 on: June 13, 2013, 07:03:57 PM »
Most children thrive on consistency.  I can't see how it could possibly be considered overprotective to avoid adding more stress to an already stressful situation of a new environment.

Bluenomi

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3580
Re: Overprotective? Reasonable?
« Reply #26 on: June 13, 2013, 09:12:27 PM »
I have a three year old and if I flew her somewhere then dumped her with some relatives at bedtime and left, she'd freak. She might cope if she had Daddy but she would not be happy about it. I think you are being perfectly reasonable.

NOt to mention you parents might not want to be made baby sitters and dumped with a child the first night you arrive.