Author Topic: Just. So. Loud.  (Read 5753 times)

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citadelle

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Re: Just. So. Loud.
« Reply #30 on: June 24, 2013, 10:50:05 PM »
I think it probably feels embarrassing to have the volume of your voice pointed out. No matter how gently, it probably feels like a rebuke. I think it is better, though, to tell the Loud Person that you are bothered, rather than avoid them, try to tolerate it and become increasingly annoyed, or talk to others about it behind Loud's back. Saying something might cause momentary embarrassment, but improve the relationship long term.

However, if the response is, "Sorry, that is just the way I am," then you know that the behavior won't change and can make any necessary modifications. I do think that response doesn't take the feelings of others into consideration.

Iris

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Re: Just. So. Loud.
« Reply #31 on: June 25, 2013, 02:21:01 AM »
Iris, I understand how you feel. I grew up as an only child, in a house where everyone spoke quietly. Then I met and married my DH and his family is chaos. I can't spend holidays in the same room with them without going insane, because they talk AT each other and over each other, very loudly. The volume increases the more people don't think they are being heard, and they aren't being heard because everyone talks at once.

I have actually had to go outside for a walk to get away from this. They don't realize they do it, either. And it does not bother them because that's the way it always has been in his house.

Could that be the sort of dynamic that is inherent in your PIL's house? They have always talked loudly, therefore, they don't see anything odd about it?

The thing is I'm *not* softly spoken. By any normal measure my family of origin is a loud family. This is beyond loud and into the ridiculous. I get actual headaches from the volume. DH is not normally as loud as me but he gets into the same shouty mode when with his family. I don't think speaking quietly would work because FIL tends to speak *at* me rather than to me so I don't think he'd mind not hearing my replies :)

I think I'll go with dealing with my own family to ask them to make a conscious effort to keep it down and see if making it so that he is the only one shouting helps. Last time I just said "I've got a headache, I need to go home now" and we left, but since we've already cut back contact to a great degree I hesitate to do so further.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Just. So. Loud.
« Reply #32 on: June 25, 2013, 09:35:49 AM »
Look, for all that I said "don't lecture me," I think you can absolutely say, "Not so loud, please."

CaffeineKatie

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Re: Just. So. Loud.
« Reply #33 on: June 27, 2013, 08:56:18 PM »
Foam ear plugs.  I use them when I go to movies and around people who project when they talk.  I have a lot of friends who are teachers and they are used to talking to the back of the room all day long.  It's painful to sit across from some of them, and I can't see any point in embarrassing them by reminding them all the time to talk softer.  The foam ear plugs are cheap and I can still hear clearly and no one notices them.