Update already! The subject of the next gathering came up earlier this evening, and I told DH that I'd been meaning to talk to him about that. I explained that I didn't want to go to gatherings at Alice and her DH's house anymore because during my entire pregnancy she got all sermony with me about what I should and should not be doing, and ever since the baby was born, she's gotten way worse, to the point of essentially calling me incompetent and critiquing my house keeping skills in our own home.
(Did I mention that her most recent visit was when the baby was about a week and a half old? Yeah, she actually had the nerve to critique right then. I was all right with folks visiting, and she completely ruined that. Complete with her child also dumping her toys everywhere to get stepped on, and coming into the room to stare at me while I was trying to breast feed. I'm not proud to admit that I snapped at the kid the second time she came in to the room, but I'm hoping that exhaustion and general postpartum stress will bring me some forgiveness.)
So anyway, I told DH that I know that he really wanted me to be friends with Alice, but it just wasn't going to happen. Primarily because again, I don't appreciate being spoken to the way Alice spoke to me, and especially not in my own home. I explained that obviously there wasn't any reason he and his BFF couldn't still hang out together at the monthly gatherings and go on their day trips and such, and that I'm sorry we couldn't all be the big, happy friends family he wanted, but I just don't have it in me to deal with Alice anymore. DH said he understood my feelings, and that he was very sorry that last visit went so badly. He said he was worried that I wasn't getting socialized because I'm with the baby all day, every day, and he's worried about me not having an outlet for all the stress I feel from that. He said it obviously doesn't help me if I dread going to gatherings because of Alice, so he won't try to get me to go anymore. So fortunately, I don't have to bother with Alice at the monthly gatherings anymore, and if she is in our home again, it will only be for the infrequent large gatherings where there will be many others that will require my hostessing attentions. Or the occasional birthday celebration where we all meet in a restaurant of the birthday person's choice, but again, she's better behaved in front of large groups, especially when men are involved.
Another upside is that DH and I sat down and hashed out a plan where whatever the outlet I choose is, he'll take the baby so I can go do that and decompress. For now, it's getting back to the gym to use that sweet, sweet elliptical machine. I can read my Kindle, listen to music, and sweat like crazy. I know it took us a little while, but I blame a part of that on my own pride. I wasn't so ready to admit that I really needed a break, but yeah, I do, and I have a great partner who's insisting on taking over in the evenings, so I'm going to take advantage of that.
ETA: You all gave me some excellent advice, and I wanted to say that I'm really, really appreciative of that. Next time I find myself in close proximity to Alice (especially if the other pregnant wife is around, although she's much bolder than I am, and I think she'd actually tell Alice exactly where she could stick her "advice") I'll be making a point to re-visit this thread and memorizing some lines/techniques to throw out at her should she start her junk up again. Thank you!