Author Topic: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)  (Read 17707 times)

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amylouky

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50)
« Reply #60 on: June 14, 2013, 11:06:59 AM »
Not sure how e-hell approved it is, but I sometimes reply to unsolicited "help" with "Good thing it's not yours, then!" Best said in a chipper voice.

Example,
Alice: "You really need to fix these floors, they're too shiny!"
You: "Good thing they're not your floors, then!"

Alice: " You don't have enough space around your toilet!"
You: "Good thing it's not your toilet, then!"

Yes, it's obvious and somewhat dismissive, but I think it would get the point across that she's being intrusive with her "advice".

Also, yay for your DH! Glad he's got your back.

NyaChan

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50)
« Reply #61 on: June 14, 2013, 11:52:34 AM »
Not sure how e-hell approved it is, but I sometimes reply to unsolicited "help" with "Good thing it's not yours, then!" Best said in a chipper voice.

Example,
Alice: "You really need to fix these floors, they're too shiny!"
You: "Good thing they're not your floors, then!"

Alice: " You don't have enough space around your toilet!"
You: "Good thing it's not your toilet, then!"

Yes, it's obvious and somewhat dismissive, but I think it would get the point across that she's being intrusive with her "advice".

Also, yay for your DH! Glad he's got your back.

I actually like this, it sounds easy going rather than confrontational, but gets the point across.

FlyingBaconMouse

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50)
« Reply #62 on: June 14, 2013, 02:04:05 PM »
Not sure how e-hell approved it is, but I sometimes reply to unsolicited "help" with "Good thing it's not yours, then!" Best said in a chipper voice.

Example,
Alice: "You really need to fix these floors, they're too shiny!"
You: "Good thing they're not your floors, then!"

Alice: " You don't have enough space around your toilet!"
You: "Good thing it's not your toilet, then!"

Yes, it's obvious and somewhat dismissive, but I think it would get the point across that she's being intrusive with her "advice".

Also, yay for your DH! Glad he's got your back.

I actually like this, it sounds easy going rather than confrontational, but gets the point across.

It's also a lot nicer than the response I thought of when I read about these exchanges, which was a pointed look and the words "And yet, here you are."

Glad it seems to be worked out.
I don't kill threads, but I do seem to stun 'em pretty good. :-)

humptynumpty

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50)
« Reply #63 on: June 14, 2013, 03:52:27 PM »
That is great news and your husband is right - you need alone time when you have a new baby.  My OB made it a point to discuss how I was taking care of myself in the appointments after the new arrival.

Mr. Numpty also came from a family where the men "provided" and the women "minded" but he knew he wanted to be very involved. We ended up with him as official bather - I think I can count on 2 hands the number of times I gave the numplets a planned bath (unless it was an emergency/accident). That was his job and he was fully in charge - timing, prep, soap choice. They even had rituals in how the dried, how many horns you could make with the bubbles, etc.    Have fun enjoying your new addition :)

LeeLee88

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50)
« Reply #64 on: June 24, 2013, 05:39:41 PM »
Okay, so I don't know if this is necessarily rude, per say, but I found it a bit annoying and nannyish.  So the gathering at Alice and her hubby's house was this past Saturday, and some of the regulars were unable to attend due to conflicting events.  My DH cancelled and explained that I was fried from the baby and needed some help at home, so he wouldn't be coming.  Okay so the hosts knew already that folks couldn't make it, right? Right.  This morning, I got an e-mail from Alice, from her work e-mail no less, addressed to all those who couldn't come and cc'ing the ones who were able to make it.  It said she was disappointed we couldn't make it and hoped we could make the next one.  I don't know if it's just my history with her, but it smacked of, "I'm watching you, and will log your absences.  ALL OF YOU."  Like, she already knew folks couldn't make it, why the need to send an e-mail like that? And to include everyone? It just seems like more of her overbearing behavior, but I might be over analyzing.

TootsNYC

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #65 on: June 24, 2013, 05:47:12 PM »
I think it's both overbearing of her AND overanalyzing of you.

(My guess is that she wants to be the Big Man on Campus w/ everyone thinking she's the head of the social circle. So she's trying to establish her territory as "attenting hostess.")

Time to give her WAY less head-space.

LeeLee88

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #66 on: June 24, 2013, 05:51:09 PM »
For sure on both accounts. I had totally forgotten about the gathering, so it was kind of awkward to get that e-mail.  I didn't bother responding, although I wanted to say, "Staaaaaaaahhhhp!!" :-P

TootsNYC

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #67 on: June 24, 2013, 05:53:34 PM »
Try to roll your eyes at her. Or snicker a little. That's what people do w/ Cousin BossyPants in my ILs' family.

LeeLee88

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #68 on: June 24, 2013, 05:58:27 PM »
An excellent plan indeed.

ladyknight1

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #69 on: June 24, 2013, 07:10:18 PM »
Alice wants to be Queen of all she surveys.

Minmom3

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #70 on: June 24, 2013, 11:04:45 PM »
LeeLee, you need to channel your Inner Snarky Teen and  say, in the MOST put upon and disdainful tone, "What ev's" as if it was almost more energy than you could summon to respond.  That woman is a pain in the patoot!  Or, you could start called her Hyacinth! 
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

Otterpop

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #71 on: June 25, 2013, 12:17:50 AM »
I'm wondering if it was part "conflicting schedules" and part the underlying feelings of the other couples.  To have that many not show suggests they are disliking Alice's domineering ways as well.  I know if I really like a host, I will make my presence happen if at all possible.  If I am *meh* about the person, I won't go through the effort.  Maybe you are not the only one uncomfortable here.

And wow, that e-mail!  Alice really wants to keep control to the point of shaming non-compliance.  I predict the group will fade away or have a shake-up.

LeeLee88

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #72 on: June 25, 2013, 07:16:44 AM »
Minmom 3, how could I have possibly forgotten about Hyacinth?!  It's perfect!  My inner snarky teen is always lying just beneath the surface, and although I usually shove her back into the depths from whence she came, sometimes she's allowed to make an appearance ;-)

Otterpop, that was my feeling too.  There were at least three couples beyond my husband and I that the e-mail was addressed to, and I have a feeling that after this last stunt, attendance will be down for some time, if not permanently.  Alice (aka Mrs. Bucket) doesn't seem to understand that we all have lives and other social obligations to attend to, and I know that she doesn't have a perspective on her own attitude, as DH told me the other that she finds her MIL to be domineering and annoying, although all of her antics sound like a carbon copies of Alice's!  Pot, meet Kettle.

TootsNYC

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #73 on: June 25, 2013, 09:34:32 AM »
I know that she doesn't have a perspective on her own attitude, as DH told me the other that she finds her MIL to be domineering and annoying, although all of her antics sound like a carbon copies of Alice's!  Pot, meet Kettle.

So do you s'pose her husband sought out someone like Mom?

Or is it possible that her MIL just pushes back, and Alice then projects all her own faults onto MIL?

EmmaJ.

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Re: Dealing with a Bossy Pants (UPDATE #50 and 64)
« Reply #74 on: June 25, 2013, 11:57:43 AM »
One last thing you ought to think about - come to agreement with your husband about what answer he is to give when asked "Where is LeeLee?".  Because he will be asked when he shows up alone.

It probably should be some form of "she had other plans" because if he says "she is too stressed to socialize" the advise emails will come flying at you!