Long time, no post! I have a situation that I need help with managing, and I figured you motley lot just might have some great points of advice.
A bit of background: I am a brand-new mommy to a three-week old baby boy. My husband has a BFF and a social circle that he likes to go on specialty-store shopping trips with. Because our house is in the middle of where everyone lives and the stores they like to visit, the wives of the menfolk generally all come to our house and visit while the dudes are off having their bromantical field trip. My husband's BFF has a wife who is a bossy pants. I have no interest in having a deeper relationship
with her as she and I just don't click, but her husband is BFFs with my DH, and so I need to know how to manage her bossiness in order to maintain peace so that my husband can have his BFF (he hasn't had a close friend like this since he immigrated, so I really want to keep the peace).
All right, so, Miss Bossy Boots (aka Alice) has always been a bit bossy, but she's really escalated it the last two visits to my house. As in, I almost told her to go out to the porch and wait for her husband, I was just that done with her. Alice likes to tell me what I "need" to do for my son, how I should maintain my home, and loooooves to repeat in a kindergarten teacher voice that she's been a mommy longer than I have (she has a three year old daughter); particularly while holding my son and telling him what I'm doing wrong. Charming. The last visit alone she:
1) Told me that my floors are too shiny, therefore slippery, and I "need" to fix that. No one's ever slipped and fallen in my home, and besides, my floors, my house, my shininess. That comment was met with an "Okay" and a confused look.
2) Told me I "need" to get a tower fan for my son, as he's obviously too hot. We have a/c in the house, and a small fan to pull out if it does get too hot, but it wasn't that day. I feel no need to explain myself to her, so I said, "Okay" and moved on.
3) Told me I "need" to fix my bathroom as there isn't an adequate amount of space around my toilet. "Okay"....
4) Told me it's best to wash my dishes after I've used them, as it keeps them from piling up (all in the kindergarten teacher voice). This time I just looked at her blankly and walked away.
5) As I was telling another guest that we use Colic Calm to help my son's hiccups, Alice cuts me off while shaking her head and says that I "need" to get these prescription gas drops, Colic Calm will never work. I say, "It works for us, and that's all that matters to me". Alice just shakes her head and repeats for the umpteenth time that day that she's been a mother longer than I have, and I "will learn".
That's not even all of it, but those are the ones that irked me the most. Like I said, I have no interest in furthering our relationship
, and am really just looking to manage her (and my temper) because once a month, Alice and her DH (my husband's BFF) have a social gathering at their home, and if I don't go, all I hear from her is how I missed out on a good time, I really should have come, am I mad, blah blah blah, and it seems to make my DH feel better if I go (he's worried that I don't socialize enough). The next gathering is in two weeks, and because my son will be there, I know she'll open her mouth to release the Bossy Boots Kraken, and I am very tempted to say, "Alice, shut up. Just... shut up." But it's her home, and that's rude, so I need to figure out how to manage her and myself throughout what is usually a 4-5 hour visit. Sometimes longer if I can't get DH to pull away from the role playing game they have going soon enough.
So wise folk, what do you recommend? I always have in my back pocket that I can tell DH we need to leave if need be, but that infringes on his social time, and he's always around his boys at these gatherings, so if he wants me to explain, I'd have to pull him away from his bros and that would make it clear that something was up, which would lead to speculation, etc. What do you all recommend?