Author Topic: I cancelled dinner plans  (Read 9750 times)

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Magnet

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2013, 09:42:41 AM »
With all due respect to the OP, the meal sounds like it was designed around the potential new in law (FSIL's mother).  I don't understand your Mom's anger for you not wanting to sit there and watch people eat food you cannot.  That's the part I find weird.

MrTango

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2013, 09:46:29 AM »
OP, I don't think you cancelled anything.  Your mother changed the parameters of the invitation, at which point you are free to accept the change or decline the new invitation.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2013, 10:33:36 AM »
I ask about allergies/intolerances whenever I have people over.  My closest friends I don't have to ask; I remember what they can't/don't eat.  As an example, I have one friend who will eat salad but doesn't eat salad dressing.  So I have a salad that doesn't have to be predressed and serve the dressing on the side.  No big deal.

I can not fathom a MOTHER not accommodating her daughter for a meal and then getting mad at said daughter when she says she won't be coming.

OP, I don't blame you one bit.  If you did decide to go, your mother still won't be happy.  Because when people ask why you aren't eating, you answer truthfully that you are allergic to scallops and spinach doesn't agree with you.  And then this person your mother is trying to impress thinks your mother is an idiot.  Or if you bring your own meal and answer the same way.  You are actually doing your mother a favour because now she can just say that you were busy and couldn't make it instead of showing off her own bacon fed knavery.
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NyaChan

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2013, 11:58:39 AM »
I ask about allergies/intolerances whenever I have people over.  My closest friends I don't have to ask; I remember what they can't/don't eat.  As an example, I have one friend who will eat salad but doesn't eat salad dressing.  So I have a salad that doesn't have to be predressed and serve the dressing on the side.  No big deal.

I can not fathom a MOTHER not accommodating her daughter for a meal and then getting mad at said daughter when she says she won't be coming.

OP, I don't blame you one bit.  If you did decide to go, your mother still won't be happy.  Because when people ask why you aren't eating, you answer truthfully that you are allergic to scallops and spinach doesn't agree with you.  And then this person your mother is trying to impress thinks your mother is an idiot.  Or if you bring your own meal and answer the same way.  You are actually doing your mother a favour because now she can just say that you were busy and couldn't make it instead of showing off her own bacon fed knavery.

This is how I was seeing it - your mother is going to be more embarrassed if you come and have shown to the guests that she didn't make anything you could eat than if you don't show up at all, so really, you are helping her out whether she realizes it or not.

wheeitsme

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2013, 12:01:06 PM »
My parents invited me over for dinner tomorrow night. They're having my brother, my FSIL, one of my sisters, and my FSIL's mother, who is visiting her daughter. I just told her that I will not be attending because I found out that she's serving a seafood casserole with scallops. I'm allergic to scallops. She told me that I can have salad. Unfortunately, the salad has spinach, which I cannot eat (or I "can" eat, but I don't want to spend Friday night with stomach issues.)

Well, (1) you can not go, or (2)you can go and not eat anything, or (3) you can go and bring your own box dinner.  Not going is, I think, the nicest thing you can do for your mom.  Your other two options are going to have your FSIL wondering what kind of MIL she's committing herself to.  ???

LeveeWoman

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2013, 12:07:20 PM »
My parents invited me over for dinner tomorrow night. They're having my brother, my FSIL, one of my sisters, and my FSIL's mother, who is visiting her daughter. I just told her that I will not be attending because I found out that she's serving a seafood casserole with scallops. I'm allergic to scallops. She told me that I can have salad. Unfortunately, the salad has spinach, which I cannot eat (or I "can" eat, but I don't want to spend Friday night with stomach issues.)

Well, (1) you can not go, or (2)you can go and not eat anything, or (3) you can go and bring your own box dinner.  Not going is, I think, the nicest thing you can do for your mom.  Your other two options are going to have your FSIL wondering what kind of MIL she's committing herself to???

Maybe this would be a good thing.

WillyNilly

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2013, 12:17:05 PM »
My parents invited me over for dinner tomorrow night. They're having my brother, my FSIL, one of my sisters, and my FSIL's mother, who is visiting her daughter. I just told her that I will not be attending because I found out that she's serving a seafood casserole with scallops. I'm allergic to scallops. She told me that I can have salad. Unfortunately, the salad has spinach, which I cannot eat (or I "can" eat, but I don't want to spend Friday night with stomach issues.)

Well, (1) you can not go, or (2)you can go and not eat anything, or (3) you can go and bring your own box dinner.  Not going is, I think, the nicest thing you can do for your mom.  Your other two options are going to have your FSIL wondering what kind of MIL she's committing herself to.  ???

I don't know... if I were one of the other siblings and someone said "oh where's your other sister? i thought she was coming to?" I'd pipe up and say "she probably declined since she's allergic to scallops and that's what's for dinner." Thus blowing up mom's spot. because, even though I'm not at all close to my brother - we speak about 1 hour cumulatively a year - I still remember what he's allergic too!

gramma dishes

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #22 on: June 14, 2013, 12:58:18 PM »
I wonder if your Mother has checked to be sure the new FSIL (and her mother) actually like scallops.  I'm not allergic to them at all, but I can say with honesty that they are definitely not one of my favorite foods! 

Wouldn't it be fun if either FSIL or FSIL's mother sits down at the table and says "Oh, I'm so sorry.  I really can't eat scallops.  I'm violently allergic to them!"   >:D

Eeep!

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #23 on: June 14, 2013, 01:37:48 PM »
I wonder if your Mother has checked to be sure the new FSIL (and her mother) actually like scallops.  I'm not allergic to them at all, but I can say with honesty that they are definitely not one of my favorite foods! 
Wouldn't it be fun if either FSIL or FSIL's mother sits down at the table and says "Oh, I'm so sorry.  I really can't eat scallops.  I'm violently allergic to them!"   >:D

This is actually kind of a good point. I like scallops but I'm a little iffy of the thought of them in a casserole. Heh.
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TootsNYC

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #24 on: June 14, 2013, 05:07:14 PM »
She's not making anything else?

I have this feeling that you're trying to take a stand and send a message, teach a lesson.

If you weren't, I'd suggest you say, "Oh, I'll bring some other food," since it's your mom.

Normally food isn't really supposed to be the whole point--the COMPANY is the point. But to be served something that's harmful to you makes it harder to enjoy the company.

sweetonsno

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #25 on: June 14, 2013, 05:26:05 PM »
I'd be irked, for sure. That said, the object of this dinner is probably less food and more spending time together. (You're meeting a new future in-law?)

I think you are in the clear for declining the dinner invitation, but I wouldn't refuse to come to the get-together completely. Can you come by afterwards for dessert?

kherbert05

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #26 on: June 14, 2013, 05:54:14 PM »
I'm having trouble getting my head around a parent not remembering that a food could make their child seriously ill or dead. I run into family friends who haven't seen me for decades and they remember the peanut thing.

Is it that they don't believe in allergies or what? I just don't get it.

Of course declining an invitation for food you can't eat is fine. Your mom pressuring you is what is rude.
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Surianne

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #27 on: June 14, 2013, 07:39:07 PM »
What a bizarre situation.  Are scallops and spinach the only two things you're allergic to?  If so, that's beyond the pale.  If it's quite a few things you're allergic to, it's more understandable that she might have forgotten the specifics, in which case I could see offering to pack your own food to enjoy the company.  But I also think cancelling was fine.

gmatoy

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #28 on: June 15, 2013, 01:44:55 AM »
Joining the bandwagon to say, not rude for you to decline the invitation. I'm sure that you've read here that "it is an invitation, not a command."

Both of my children have serious, life-threatening allergies(nuts). Have had those allergies all their lives. I have never tried to serve things they can not eat.

I have had an allergy to seafood for almost 30 years. And I recently developed a new life-threatening allergy (to pineapple). I developed my allergies after I no longer lived at home and yet my mother is always so accomodating of my allergies, and those of my children.

So I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around a mother serving only things her child can not eat!

Venus193

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Re: I cancelled dinner plans
« Reply #29 on: June 15, 2013, 08:22:42 AM »
Your mother is the rude one here for deliberately serving food she knows you can't eat.  What is that really about?