But it's my hair!... More info #58, #63, #74, #84, #86, #105, #161

[MummyPumpkin83]

This is an update to this thread... http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=127173.0

I have a milestone birthday coming up in between now and my sisters wedding. I am thinking of celebrating by getting my mid back length brown hair cut and coloured to something like this...
 http://www.polyvore.com/black_purple_short_curly_hair/thing?id=28565017

Shorter, black with purple highlights.

I have been told that my hair will not match with the wedding style and that all the bridesmaids are supposed to have the same style so I am "not allowed" to get my hair done.

Who is rude, me if I go ahead, or her? Should I compromise by getting the cut now and waiting til after the wedding for the colour?

[Slartibartfast]

I don't have much experience with hair dye, but would it be possible to do the purple-and-black thing and then dye it a more traditional color (plain black?) in time for the wedding?

[veryfluffy]

I have been told that my hair will not match with the wedding style and that all the bridesmaids are supposed to have the same style so I am "not allowed" to get my hair done.

Ask if you would not have been asked to be a bridesmaid if your hair had already been in that style/colour. If your hairstyle is the most important thing about your participation, suggest the bride contact a local model agency and hire someone more suitable for the position.

[CookieChica]

I'm curious if this is the first time you will have an "unnatural" color in your hair. If it's a regular part of who you are, I say you fight for it. If it's not, I think the compromise is not necessary but a nice gesture.

[Oh Joy]

Telling you you're 'not allowed' to have a certain cut and color as a bridesmaid is not even remotely polite.

That said, I believe that a considerate wedding guest dresses appropriately for the occasion without unduly drawing attention away from the bride and groom.  Only you can navigate the details of your appearance and your local norms, along with the prickly dynamics that seem to be surrounding this family event.

Best wishes.

[MariaE]

What kind of time frame are we talking about.

If your birthday is in one month and the wedding one month after that, I'd personally wait and get the new hairstyle after the wedding for the sake of family peace. Am I obligated to? No, but it is what I would do.

If your birthday is in one month and the wedding in one year, I would personally go ahead and get it done for my birthday. My sister might have gotten used to my new hairstyle well before the wedding and be fine with it; or I might have gotten fed up with it myself well before then, and gone back to "natural" before the wedding anyway.

Apart from that I agree with CookieChica and Oh Joy.

[lowspark]

What kind of time frame are we talking about.

If your birthday is in one month and the wedding one month after that, I'd personally wait and get the new hairstyle after the wedding for the sake of family peace. Am I obligated to? No, but it is what I would do.

If your birthday is in one month and the wedding in one year, I would personally go ahead and get it done for my birthday. My sister might have gotten used to my new hairstyle well before the wedding and be fine with it; or I might have gotten fed up with it myself well before then, and gone back to "natural" before the wedding anyway.

Apart from that I agree with CookieChica and Oh Joy.

I agree with this. If the wedding is pretty soon, I'd go ahead and wait. Yeah, it's not really cool for your sister to dictate your hairstyle but on the other hand, it's her wedding and it's your sister. Surely you can give in a bit for this once-in-a-lifetime event.

[MindsEye]

First, if you are going to get your hair done like the example photo... wow!  That is really cute!  I wish that I had the cheekbones to pull something like that off.

(edited to add, since I got distracted and hit save too soon.  d'oh)
Normally I would say that it is your hair and you can do what you like with it.

However... given all of the backstory in the other thread... I would wonder at the timing (especially if your birthday is only a little bit before the wedding) and wonder if part of your motivation was to get in a dig at your sister...   

[menley]

It depends on your relationship with your sister and how much you want to have this hair change.

I have two examples of similar situations. In the first, I had been growing out my hair for my own wedding, and mentioned to my best friend from high school that I couldn't wait til I got back from the honeymoon to chop it off again. She said "Um, well you're going to have to wait, because I want everyone to have matching updos for my wedding." I was surprised, but given our long-standing relationship and the fact that her wedding was only one month after mine, I said I'd wait. I chopped it off the day after HER wedding instead Our relationship was more important to me than the hair. I did think it was unreasonable of her to ask, but *I* decided I'd rather go along and get along.

Then, about three months ago, I had another friend getting married. I was planning on dying my hair dark, but then remembered the first story and thought that I should check with my friend first. She said, "Why would I care what color your hair is? I love you, not your hair color."

It would be wonderful if your sister had been more like my second friend. But the reality is that she's not, and it seems like doing this will deliberately upset her. Only you can decide which is more worthwhile to you, the relationship with your sister (and, based on your earlier threads, it seems like she's one to hold a grudge) or your hair for a period of time.

I, personally, would choose the relationship with the sister.

[hyzenthlay]

In your other thread you seem fairly conservative, and fairly concerned with 'not being rude' and that your sister was unduly placing burdens upon you and others.

I'm having trouble reconciling that with you deciding to get a hair cut that it seems will stand out as very unusual and attention shortly before your sisters big event.

No it's not technically rude, anymore then all the things your sister wants are technically rude, but it's its also lacking in consideration for the other person involved.

And I do think it's a little silly to worry about your bridesmaid's matching, but I also think it's a little silly to worry about doing things for 'milestone' birthdays. I feel like you are both picking at each other.

[LadyClaire]

I would wait until after the wedding. If this was a style you already had, and she was asking/telling you to change it, then I'd say she can suck it up. However, she's only asking you to hold off on getting your hair cut/colored that way.

The thing with unusual hair colors is that they can turn out rather more vivid than you anticipated. My hair has been every color under the sun over the years. I had black hair with purple streaks for a while in my early 20s. Depending on the color I was wearing, and how the light in a room (or outdoors) was, it would turn into an almost purple halo around my head from the light reflecting off that color. Unnatural shades of red will do the same thing. I dyed my hair recently to what was supposed to be a subtle, natural auburn. It is flaming cranberry red in the sun, and a slightly more subtle brilliant red indoors. If I wear green or blue, the color is even more obvious.

Another thing to keep in mind is that colors like that can and will bleed. If you dye your hair a few days before the wedding, and you get sweaty during the wedding, and have on a light colored dress, you could end up with purple stains on your dress. Purple is also a very difficult color to keep. It fades fast, so you do have to dye it more frequently, so chances are your dye will still be fresh during the wedding.

[JoyinVirginia]

I would recommend getting it styled and cut at the birthday. Then do the color after the wedding. That would get you what you want, and give the bride what she wants.

[Sharnita]

INstead of doing it to mark the birthday could you do it to mark the successful passing of the wedding.

[Cat-Fu]

TBH, even if this is not a dig at your sister, everyone else at the wedding is going to think it is, or that you are trying to "steal" attention from the bride. I'd just hold off on the color until after the wedding.

[petal]

I'' be honest here.  If you go ahead and get that haircut knowing your sister  really wants  you not to  then you'll come across as pretty spiteful and nasty

For your sister this is a once in a lifetime event. it would nice of you to wait until it was over and then do your hair