Author Topic: But it's my hair!... More info #58, #63, #74, #84, #86, #105, #161  (Read 18950 times)

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Eeep!

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #30 on: June 14, 2013, 01:26:37 PM »
If you are one of those people who always has out-there hair in funky colors, then its simply who you are, and your sister shoudl have anticipated it or spoken to you in advance (something like "hey sis I know you generally have crazy hair colors, but would you mind for the wedding having something more natural please?"). But if this is the first time you have gone 'wild' with your hair, and its a totally out of the ordinary thing for you to decide to do, I think your sister has a point. I mean what "milestone" are you reaching - 30? 40? To me that's only even a mini-milestone. To suddenly decide 1 month before your sister's wedding to dye your hair purple for the first time in your life comes across as you wanting to steal the spotlight, not as all as a birthday thing for yourself.

I agree with this.

I have to say, I would be a little irritated if one of my bridesmaids, who has always had nice, conservative hair, suddenly got a funky purple hairstyle right before my wedding. It's not that I don't love her or value her for who she is - but it comes across as strange and attention seeking.

And if my bridesmaid regularly had funky hair, I would have already taken that into account and planned for it by making sure her dress color and cut wouldn't clash with the hairstyle.

This is pretty much where I fall, I think.  I do agree that your sister did not handle it well and she certainly doesn't have some sort of  bridal right to tell you what to do with your hair but if this sort of thing were important to my sister I would just hold off. 
Plus, as a PP mentioned, even if it is not your motivation at all, I think people who have known you with your conservative hairstyle might ponder why you would choose to do such a drastic change right before your sister's wedding. And some might arrive at less than charitable conclusions. Not that you need to live your life worrying about what others are thinking, but it's still something to consider.  (And if the other bridesmaids all just have conventional haircuts and color - dramatic purple and black hair (at least as pictured) will likely stand out.)
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

WillyNilly

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #31 on: June 14, 2013, 01:29:19 PM »
I guess to me in the photo the OP linked it's just so subtle, and really, if the family is going to go nuts over that and ignore the bride, they're the rude ones, not the OP.

"Subtle" is a rather subjective word. I hang out with punk rock bands - people with face tattoos and green mohawks, etc - so I see lots of radical funky colored hair and still, I see nothing subtle about the picture linked in the OP. I think its lovely, I think its widely appropriate way to do purple, but in no way do I think its subtle. I would notice that as purple hair immediately. To me subtle is something you don't notice immediately or you notice something is different but you can't quite put your finger on it. That hair is PURPLE and there's no missing or mistaking it.

And I don't people need to be going nuts or ignoring the bride for it to be distracting and attention-seeking seeming behavior.

NyaChan

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #32 on: June 14, 2013, 01:30:48 PM »
I guess to me in the photo the OP linked it's just so subtle, and really, if the family is going to go nuts over that and ignore the bride, they're the rude ones, not the OP.

"Subtle" is a rather subjective word. I hang out with punk rock bands - people with face tattoos and green mohawks, etc - so I see lots of radical funky colored hair and still, I see nothing subtle about the picture linked in the OP. I think its lovely, I think its widely appropriate way to do purple, but in no way do I think its subtle. I would notice that as purple hair immediately. To me subtle is something you don't notice immediately or you notice something is different but you can't quite put your finger on it. That hair is PURPLE and there's no missing or mistaking it.

And I don't people need to be going nuts or ignoring the bride for it to be distracting and attention-seeking seeming behavior.

When I read the post I was expecting the link to be a picture of someone with black hair that shined purple under the light.  The picture I saw, however, was pretty blatantly purple, not black with subtle purple tones.

KenveeB

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #33 on: June 14, 2013, 01:31:05 PM »
I guess to me in the photo the OP linked it's just so subtle, and really, if the family is going to go nuts over that and ignore the bride, they're the rude ones, not the OP.

"Subtle" is a rather subjective word. I hang out with punk rock bands - people with face tattoos and green mohawks, etc - so I see lots of radical funky colored hair and still, I see nothing subtle about the picture linked in the OP. I think its lovely, I think its widely appropriate way to do purple, but in no way do I think its subtle. I would notice that as purple hair immediately. To me subtle is something you don't notice immediately or you notice something is different but you can't quite put your finger on it. That hair is PURPLE and there's no missing or mistaking it.

And I don't people need to be going nuts or ignoring the bride for it to be distracting and attention-seeking seeming behavior.

Ditto. OP's description of "black with purple highlights" did NOT make me picture what she linked to. I think it's beautiful, but it's definitely not subtle. And going from mid-back length dark hair to that is going to cause a big reaction.

SamiHami

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #34 on: June 14, 2013, 01:34:08 PM »
OP, I am swimming against the tide here but I really think it is your head, your hair and she does not get to dictate your style and color, period.

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MrTango

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #35 on: June 14, 2013, 01:43:04 PM »
OP, I am swimming against the tide here but I really think it is your head, your hair and she does not get to dictate your style and color, period.

While this is true, the OP also has to live the the consequences/fallout from her choice.

Her sister and her family may perceive this as a slight against her sister.  While I don't believe there is any intent to spite her sister, the fact remains that it could easily be perceived badly by others.

Morty'sCleaningLady

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #36 on: June 14, 2013, 01:44:49 PM »
What a darling cut!  It looks adorable!!

I agree with the others that in the name of family harmony, you don't go for purple color until after your sister's wedding.  I'd especially hold off if her wedding colors are not a nice mix with purple, say orange or fuschia. 

And I agree with the others that if you don't normally do extreme colors, it will look like you are upstaging your sister, the bride.
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lakey

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #37 on: June 14, 2013, 01:48:40 PM »
I'm not a big fan of purple hair streaks, but the photo from the link looks good, and I don't think it is strange enough to be  a distraction in the wedding.
A bride insisting that all bridesmaids have the same hair style strikes me as extremely shallow and self-centered. I don't believe in caving in to self-centered, shallow demands.

WillyNilly

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #38 on: June 14, 2013, 02:06:34 PM »
I'm not a big fan of purple hair streaks, but the photo from the link looks good, and I don't think it is strange enough to be  a distraction in the wedding.
A bride insisting that all bridesmaids have the same hair style strikes me as extremely shallow and self-centered. I don't believe in caving in to self-centered, shallow demands.

Well, I think this too is subjective. It can be a demanding request or it can be totally innocent.

The OP is the oldest sister here - did OP have all her bridesmaids in matching hairstyles? Did the middle sister? what about friends and cousins? The bride might very well not be insisting on same hair style for shallow or self-centered reasons but rather because its what she has always seen and done in other weddings and simply wants the same 'norm' for her own wedding.

Certainly plenty of brides have their bridesmaids in the same dress despite different heights, weights, over-all body types and coloring - how is a one day hairstyle so different a request then a one day outfit?

whatsanenigma

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #39 on: June 14, 2013, 02:12:30 PM »
If I were you, I think I would hold off on the hair change until after the wedding, but not because of anything to do with your sister.

I would wait, because it is a really drastic change and might not come out like you think it will.  I am by no means saying that dying your hair, to whatever color that might be, is a bad idea.  But sometimes these things don't come out as planned, especially if you've never done it before.  It might take some tweaking or changing until you are really happy with it, and you might not have time before the wedding to finish this, and you might end up forever in wedding photos with hair you hate.

And to me, it still counts as celebrating your milestone birthday if you do it after the birthday.  My opinion is that anytime within the year would count.  I don't see it as a conflict between you being able to celebrate your birthday as you choose and your participation in the wedding, to be honest.

Right now, you know your hair and what it does and you can feel comfortable putting it up, knowing what will happen.  It might feel boring but it is also predictable.  And even if your sister didn't care if you dyed your hair, do you really want to spend the whole wedding distracted by people coming up to you and commenting on your hair, even if those comments are compliments?  When I was in my sister's wedding, for example, there is no way I would have had time for all that, being very busy with other things.

I know it might feel like you are "giving in" to your sister's demands but I think there are honestly other reasons you might want to wait.  And unless she's the type of person who will hold it over your head forever (telling everybody "she was going to dye her hair but didn't because I told her not to and she knows I am perfect and know everything" type stuff) then I would wait if I were you.

Roe

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #40 on: June 14, 2013, 02:18:22 PM »
I'd hold off, esp if this new haircut would be a huge departure from the norm.  It would definitely take attention away from the bride and she might accuse you of "stealing her thunder."  It wouldn't be worth it, for me anyway. Plus, what if you don't like the new cut and you'll be reminded of it for years to come what with all the photographs!  :)

camlan

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #41 on: June 14, 2013, 02:31:17 PM »



Certainly plenty of brides have their bridesmaids in the same dress despite different heights, weights, over-all body types and coloring - how is a one day hairstyle so different a request then a one day outfit?

I can sort of see putting all the bridesmaids in the same dress. It is sort of a uniform, marking them all as members of the bridal party.

But many bridesmaids are dressed in a dress that is not flattering to them, either in color or style or both. They can still make themselves look attractive by choosing a hairstyle and makeup that looks good on them and that works for them.

Not all hair, even long hair, does an updo well. And not everyone looks good in an updo. I sure don't. And I look awful in orange, but if allowed to chose the right makeup, I can look a whole lot better. But if the bride insists that I have an updo, wear orange, wear an empire waistline, and wear the cosmetic colors of her choosing--well, I'm going to look frumpy and as a result *feel* frumpy the entire day. And I'm probably wearing shoes the bride picked out that hurt my feet, as well.

To me, forcing all your attendants to have the same hairstyle and makeup colors sends the message that the bride is not seeing her attendants as individual people, but as props for a scene she is setting. This may not be the message the bride is intending to send, but this is how it comes across to me. I would rather have attendants that look pretty, each in her own individual way, than attendants that have been forced into a mold to look alike to suit some whim.

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LadyClaire

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #42 on: June 14, 2013, 02:31:20 PM »
I guess to me in the photo the OP linked it's just so subtle, and really, if the family is going to go nuts over that and ignore the bride, they're the rude ones, not the OP.

"Subtle" is a rather subjective word. I hang out with punk rock bands - people with face tattoos and green mohawks, etc - so I see lots of radical funky colored hair and still, I see nothing subtle about the picture linked in the OP. I think its lovely, I think its widely appropriate way to do purple, but in no way do I think its subtle. I would notice that as purple hair immediately. To me subtle is something you don't notice immediately or you notice something is different but you can't quite put your finger on it. That hair is PURPLE and there's no missing or mistaking it.

And I don't people need to be going nuts or ignoring the bride for it to be distracting and attention-seeking seeming behavior.

My sister once did very subtle purple highlights. Her hair is naturally quite dark. She had the hairdresser dye the highlights in such a way that they were underneath most of her hair. So unless she styled her hair a specific way, you'd only see the tiniest flash of subtle purple as her hair moved.

CL32

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #43 on: June 14, 2013, 02:32:44 PM »
First, I think that hairstyle is oh so many shades of awesome! It sounds like a great birthday treat. :)

Regarding the wedding, I echo the previous responses in that you really have to consider the family dynamics. They're your family, so you're the only one who can really judge the ramifications. If it were me, I would say that I invited you to be bridesmaid, not your hair, so I just want you and your crazy purple hair to share in the special day. But.....that's me. I can also understand the perspective that this is a onetime milestone event and waiting a month is a small compromise.

So, in short, you have to decide how to best handle it.

WillyNilly

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Re: But it's my hair!...
« Reply #44 on: June 14, 2013, 02:38:34 PM »



Certainly plenty of brides have their bridesmaids in the same dress despite different heights, weights, over-all body types and coloring - how is a one day hairstyle so different a request then a one day outfit?

I can sort of see putting all the bridesmaids in the same dress. It is sort of a uniform, marking them all as members of the bridal party.

But many bridesmaids are dressed in a dress that is not flattering to them, either in color or style or both. They can still make themselves look attractive by choosing a hairstyle and makeup that looks good on them and that works for them.

Not all hair, even long hair, does an updo well. And not everyone looks good in an updo. I sure don't. And I look awful in orange, but if allowed to chose the right makeup, I can look a whole lot better. But if the bride insists that I have an updo, wear orange, wear an empire waistline, and wear the cosmetic colors of her choosing--well, I'm going to look frumpy and as a result *feel* frumpy the entire day. And I'm probably wearing shoes the bride picked out that hurt my feet, as well.

To me, forcing all your attendants to have the same hairstyle and makeup colors sends the message that the bride is not seeing her attendants as individual people, but as props for a scene she is setting. This may not be the message the bride is intending to send, but this is how it comes across to me. I would rather have attendants that look pretty, each in her own individual way, than attendants that have been forced into a mold to look alike to suit some whim.

Oh I agree - my bridesmaids did not have even remotely matching dresses or hairstyles - I simply told them anything in the "peacock" color family and to do their hair however they felt best. And I personally certainly feel awful looking in an up-do. But my point is, there are cultural norms and its not always "extremely shallow and self-centered" to ask people to follow the norms.