Author Topic: But it's my hair!... More info #58, #63, #74, #84, #86, #105, #161  (Read 17760 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #75 on: June 14, 2013, 08:21:49 PM »
Still-waiting 2 weeks vs. waiting 8--if you're willing to wait at all, the extra 6 weeks isn't that long.

And here's one good thing that you could find in the two-step process.
Step 1: get haircut, feel amazing, feel like you've indulged yourself.
Step 2: get hair color, feel amazing, feel like you've indulged yourself.

Double the pleasure?

Surianne

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #76 on: June 14, 2013, 08:32:10 PM »
At lot more efficient to get it done at all once, though, when you consider coming up with time for the appointment, travelling there, etc...and would they charge the same for two separate appointments as they would for one?  I don't know enough about hair stylists to say.  Plus it's way more fun to see the final effect all at once!

cross_patch

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #77 on: June 14, 2013, 08:42:52 PM »
I think your sister shows a great ability to understand your position and it's good that you appear to have come to a compromise.

Do you actually want to be in the wedding?  In my read of your posts, you come off a bit judgmental and dismissive of your sister.  Now, I don't know if my reading is wrong, or if maybe something is lost in the translation to writing, but you seem to resent what a lot of people would consider reasonable requests (not everyone, but a fair number of people).

I agree- I think your sister sounds like she has been quite understanding but I know if I were her it would leave a bad taste in my mouth. I have to say I also agree with TD's post in its entirety. Also as above, I get the sense and have done from the previous posts you linked that you don't want to be in the wedding. It may not be conscious but it does seem to come through in your posts.

cross_patch

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #78 on: June 14, 2013, 08:45:50 PM »
Yeah, it sounds to me like the sister has been very demanding and controlling in a way that the OP and the other sister weren't in the past with their own weddings.  So there's no precedent here.  The hair thing seems like one more way to control the OP.

OP, if I were you there's no way in heck I'd put off my preferred hair style/colour 6 weeks for this.  If the wedding were *next* week, sure, but ask you to postpone your life choices for a month and a half? That's ridiculous.

I don't get the sense that that is the case at all.

cass2591

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #79 on: June 14, 2013, 08:46:28 PM »
Here's what I think. If your hair was dyed purple already and then your sister asked you to be a bridesmaid, she would be out of line to ask you to change your style. I don't think it's right to ask people to physically change themselves in order to please the bride. Clearly that is not the case here.

Yes, you have a milestone birthday coming up. I've had a few of those, too. So have all of my friends. Some of them, should they want to celebrate, can't always do it on or close to their birthday because they have responsibilities, commitments, etc so they make plans for the near future. Your sister doesn't want you to do it before the wedding and I really don't understand why you can't oblige her, especially since we're talking just a few weeks.
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WillyNilly

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #80 on: June 14, 2013, 08:48:51 PM »
In the update it says the bride is perfectly willing to compromise on the OP cutting her hair, but requests she please not dye it. And honestly, shorter hair probably going to reduce the cost of having it styled.

And the bride is probably thinking none of her sisters had to cover the costs of the bridesmaid's hair & make up so the family precedent has been set the bride doesn't cover those costs - the OP did not pay for her bridesmaids (including her sister, the now-bride) why should the now-bride pay for OP's?

And I agree, while its not cheap, $130 is pretty standard/low for a bridesmaid dress.
Considering the now-bride was 12 when the OP got married I'm guessing its been 5-20 years since the OP priced out a wedding. Prices haven't changed much in 5 years, but in 10-20 years they have changed a lot.

As for the whole idea of bridesmaids getting together and picking the dress they want, together - OP how willing and able have you been to meet up with the other bridesmaids and go over dresses together and flip through magazines together to pick out hair and make-up? Its great when that happens, but when the bridesmaids don't get together and do it, the choice is left up to the bride because, well... someone has to.

And finally when it comes down to cost, I see no reason why you can't come to a compromise - you go get ready with your sister and the bridesmaids, but you do your own hair and make-up instead of having it done for you. So long as you really are able to do as good a job, that's a reasonable compromise. you are still there physically but you save the money.

Sharnita

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #81 on: June 14, 2013, 09:03:18 PM »
Here's what I think. If your hair was dyed purple already and then your sister asked you to be a bridesmaid, she would be out of line to ask you to change your style. I don't think it's right to ask people to physically change themselves in order to please the bride. Clearly that is not the case here.

Yes, you have a milestone birthday coming up. I've had a few of those, too. So have all of my friends. Some of them, should they want to celebrate, can't always do it on or close to their birthday because they have responsibilities, commitments, etc so they make plans for the near future. Your sister doesn't want you to do it before the wedding and I really don't understand why you can't oblige her, especially since we're talking just a few weeks.

I tend to agree with this.  In other threads where people have had hairstyles that raised objections from bride/groom/MOB the response has been something like "they knew you had purple hair when they asked you".  In this case, that isn't true.

KenveeB

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #82 on: June 14, 2013, 09:05:19 PM »
I'm in the dress-choosing stage of being a bridesmaid for a friend, and $100-130 is definitely on the low end of most of what you find as a bridesmaid's dress. I don't think that's remotely unreasonable. When you were complaining about the cost, I was picturing $200-300! Please remember that your wedding was several years ago and costs in general have gone up.

Honestly, between the two threads it seems like you're just extremely unhappy with everything your sister chooses to do with her wedding, even the stuff that is extremely common, typical, and what most people expect will be part of it when they agree to be bridesmaids. And all things that your sister did when she was your bridesmaid. If it's coming across like this in a couple of written posts, I bet it's coming across very loud and clear in person. If you can't give your sister the same benefit as when you were the bride, then I think you'd be better off stepping down from being a bridesmaid.

Iris

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #83 on: June 14, 2013, 09:29:17 PM »
To be honest, between this and your other post it sounds like you have just about had it with your Little Sis. I can't say that I actually blame you, because her behaviour would bother me too, and that's without knowing if there's any backstory. I completely understand how you feel.

BUT I would say wait. Not for your sister necessarily, but for your mother and other sister and even future BIL. Because you *know* that they will have to listen to endless loops of "I can't believe MummyPumpkin did this/ did that to ME! On MY wedding day. ALL I wanted was for everyone to be my personal slave/give me money/have matching hair/buy me tupperware...as is my right! She's sooooo horrible!" You won't necessarily be the one that hears it, they will. And then they will (unfairly) be annoyed at you, and it will be a WHOLE BIG THING.

Do you really, really want WBT? Unless you really want a WBT I would just wait and consider it an "I survived the wedding" celebration haircut AND buy some new earrings as an extra reward, because hair that cool totally needs matching earrings.

Also, when you unveil a haircut of such hotness you want everyone to say "WOW! Cool hair!", not "Oh, no, Little Sis is going to go ballistic!"

In the end it's up to you. I personally hate WBTs and will avoid them if possible within the bounds of reasonable compromise, but YMMV.
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MummyPumpkin83

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #84 on: June 14, 2013, 09:32:28 PM »
Bride-to-be was 15 when I got married. All three of us still living at home. 7 years ago. When I got married $80 was cheap for a bridesmaids dress, $30 was from a cheap dress store, one where you could by a t-shirt for $5.
We all went to hair/makeup trial together as there was only 3 of us and my mum drove. I honestly didn't care what my sisters did with their heir. They picked a style and I said OK.
I found out yesterday that my sister and one of the bridesmaids are going today for hair and makeup trial and to pick the style. Would I have gone if I had been invited? I'm not sure. But I wasn't offered the opportunity.
$130 is not too expensive, as it was ordered on-line, if we had shopped in store I can imagine it would have been more expensive.

One of the reasons the whole money thing is bothering me is that we have 3 kids, we are in the beginning stages of building a house, and one of the reasons I haven't had a good haircut for a few years is that it was out of the budget. If I'm going to spend money on my hair I would like it to be a style I want.
I can justify spending the money on a new style because it is my birthday. This will be my only birthday present.
I accepted being a bridesmaid, but all these costs have come up along the way and do add up.

Of course I sound negative here, I am posting the "negative" things. I don't actually see my sister that often, or talk to her that often either. I saw her for the kitchen tea last weekend, prior to that was about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I spoke to her yesterday, because I had mentioned the hair idea on facebook and she wanted to talk to me in person, rather then tell me on facebook I could get it done.
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kareng57

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #85 on: June 14, 2013, 09:47:27 PM »
Bride-to-be was 15 when I got married. All three of us still living at home. 7 years ago. When I got married $80 was cheap for a bridesmaids dress, $30 was from a cheap dress store, one where you could by a t-shirt for $5.
We all went to hair/makeup trial together as there was only 3 of us and my mum drove. I honestly didn't care what my sisters did with their heir. They picked a style and I said OK.
I found out yesterday that my sister and one of the bridesmaids are going today for hair and makeup trial and to pick the style. Would I have gone if I had been invited? I'm not sure. But I wasn't offered the opportunity.
$130 is not too expensive, as it was ordered on-line, if we had shopped in store I can imagine it would have been more expensive.

One of the reasons the whole money thing is bothering me is that we have 3 kids, we are in the beginning stages of building a house, and one of the reasons I haven't had a good haircut for a few years is that it was out of the budget. If I'm going to spend money on my hair I would like it to be a style I want.
I can justify spending the money on a new style because it is my birthday. This will be my only birthday present.
I accepted being a bridesmaid, but all these costs have come up along the way and do add up.

Of course I sound negative here, I am posting the "negative" things. I don't actually see my sister that often, or talk to her that often either. I saw her for the kitchen tea last weekend, prior to that was about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I spoke to her yesterday, because I had mentioned the hair idea on facebook and she wanted to talk to me in person, rather then tell me on facebook I could get it done.


My guess is that they probably didn't invite you along for the hair/makeup trial because you made such a big issue about the transportation arrangements for the wedding day itself.

I too am in the "get the haircut now, colour later" camp.  And really, your offer to hold off on the colour if it was really, really important to her comes off as pretty PA.  She obviously doesn't like the idea of purple hair, what did you expect her to say?  Really, she's not asking you to do body-piercing or to get tattoos for her wedding.

I don't think that you really want to be a bridesmaid.

MummyPumpkin83

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #86 on: June 14, 2013, 09:53:31 PM »
I didn't offer to hold off. Her words to me were that if I really really couldn't wait (guilt tripping tone here) I could get it done.
Thing is she is the nose pierced, belly button pierced, top of the ear pierced sister, who is all about individualism.
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nuit93

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #87 on: June 14, 2013, 09:55:51 PM »
Bride-to-be was 15 when I got married. All three of us still living at home. 7 years ago. When I got married $80 was cheap for a bridesmaids dress, $30 was from a cheap dress store, one where you could by a t-shirt for $5.
We all went to hair/makeup trial together as there was only 3 of us and my mum drove. I honestly didn't care what my sisters did with their heir. They picked a style and I said OK.
I found out yesterday that my sister and one of the bridesmaids are going today for hair and makeup trial and to pick the style. Would I have gone if I had been invited? I'm not sure. But I wasn't offered the opportunity.
$130 is not too expensive, as it was ordered on-line, if we had shopped in store I can imagine it would have been more expensive.

One of the reasons the whole money thing is bothering me is that we have 3 kids, we are in the beginning stages of building a house, and one of the reasons I haven't had a good haircut for a few years is that it was out of the budget. If I'm going to spend money on my hair I would like it to be a style I want.
I can justify spending the money on a new style because it is my birthday. This will be my only birthday present.
I accepted being a bridesmaid, but all these costs have come up along the way and do add up.

Of course I sound negative here, I am posting the "negative" things. I don't actually see my sister that often, or talk to her that often either. I saw her for the kitchen tea last weekend, prior to that was about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I spoke to her yesterday, because I had mentioned the hair idea on facebook and she wanted to talk to me in person, rather then tell me on facebook I could get it done.


My guess is that they probably didn't invite you along for the hair/makeup trial because you made such a big issue about the transportation arrangements for the wedding day itself.

I too am in the "get the haircut now, colour later" camp.  And really, your offer to hold off on the colour if it was really, really important to her comes off as pretty PA.  She obviously doesn't like the idea of purple hair, what did you expect her to say?  Really, she's not asking you to do body-piercing or to get tattoos for her wedding.

I don't think that you really want to be a bridesmaid.


I have to agree with the bolded.  Yes, you have different responsibilities than your sister did when you got married, but none of what you've described in this thread or the other sounds all that unreasonable.  Different from what you did since you had bridesmaids that were not adults, but still well within what would be considered reasonable.

cross_patch

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #88 on: June 14, 2013, 10:11:30 PM »
I didn't offer to hold off. Her words to me were that if I really really couldn't wait (guilt tripping tone here) I could get it done.
Thing is she is the nose pierced, belly button pierced, top of the ear pierced sister, who is all about individualism.

I don't think she's unreasonable. And I think you're guilt tripping her just as much frankly, and she's actually responded really well. Nothing that she has asked is unreasonable at all from what I can see, and if you didn't want to agree to it you shouldn't have been a bridesmaid. If the budget is bothering you, you shouldn't have been a bridesmaid. In Aus it's totally normal to pay for your own dress, and quite often your hair and makeup too, and its normal to have matching hair and makeup. All things that aren't unexpected and if you didn't want to go along with them you shouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid.

Also, what do her piercings have to do with anything?

Surianne

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Re: But it's my hair!... More info #58 p4
« Reply #89 on: June 14, 2013, 10:22:52 PM »
Also, what do her piercings have to do with anything?

Many posters in this thread have argued that the OP's family might be extremely conservative and not brook any modifications such as dyed hair.  But if the bride herself has significant piercings, that's clearly not the case.