Author Topic: should have used this grocery shopping  (Read 2518 times)

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Emmy

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should have used this grocery shopping
« on: April 16, 2014, 04:03:37 PM »
I went grocery shopping with DD1 and 2, ages 2 and 9 months.  I had my cart off to the side choosing some items on my side of the aisle (I'd guess about 2 minutes).  There was another woman and her kid on the other side of the aisle, but I wasn't paying attention to them because I was focused on my young children and my shopping list.  I needed something from the side of the aisle where she was standing and since her cart was blocking it, I said 'excuse me' so I could reach the item. 

She huffily replied, "you were standing here blocking me this whole time".

I said, "you could have asked to move and I would have"

She said "you saw me here and knew you were blocking me this whole time"

As I said, it barely registered another shopper was there because I was not facing her because I was looking at the items on my side of the aisle and interacting with DD1 who was standing next to me and thinking about the groceries.  I wasn't paying any attention to what she was doing.  I was also very annoyed that she presumed to know what I was thinking.  I then said "I didn't know you wanted to get in there", as I walked away and didn't hear a reply.  I should have said "what an interesting assumption" because this woman assumed she knew what I was thinking.  I tried to keep my voice calm and pleasant during this whole exchange.  I also didn't want to further engage this person.

I realize my mistake in this situation and I should be more mindful of those around me (difficult with young kids, but not an excuse) so I realize I was part of the problem.  I feel the shopper was being very passive aggressive in getting huffy with me when she simply could have asked me to move instead of inventing a scenario in her mind where I am deliberately blocking her.  Since she didn't ask me to move politely, I feel she doesn't have a right to express her annoyance at me when I politely said 'excuse me' because she was blocking me.  Also, should I have been gracious and apologized for being in her way when she first said I was blocking her or is an apology not necessary since she approached the situation in a rude way? 

TriCrazy73

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2014, 04:12:14 PM »
I don't think you did anything wrong.  I'm frequently in "the zone" when grocery shopping as well, especially with the kids.  She could have asked you to move.

TurtleDove

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2014, 04:12:52 PM »
I feel the shopper was being very passive aggressive in getting huffy with me when she simply could have asked me to move instead of inventing a scenario in her mind where I am deliberately blocking her.  Since she didn't ask me to move politely, I feel she doesn't have a right to express her annoyance at me when I politely said 'excuse me' because she was blocking me.  Also, should I have been gracious and apologized for being in her way when she first said I was blocking her or is an apology not necessary since she approached the situation in a rude way?

I agree with you.  I would have done as you did, said "excuse me" and then ignored the crazy.  If someone wants me to do something, they should ask me to do it.  Be assertive, or decide not to be, but don't get angry if someone else does not notice you not being assertive, if that makes sense.  There is no need to further apologize (unless you want to) in this situation - "I didn't realize you wanted me to move," should suffice.  And then go on with life.  If she decides to let this ruin her day, let her.

lakey

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2014, 05:08:33 PM »
Ah, the grocery store aisle wars. There isn't a lot of room, but you have to stop to browse. A reasonable person, when blocked by a browser, says, "Excuse me." The browser moves the cart. Simple.
Standing there for 2 minutes stewing because the browser isn't focused on your  needs is just soooo sad.
I wouldn't get into a back and forth with the person. It would be better to just move the cart and ignore her crankiness.

kherbert05

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2014, 09:51:49 PM »
From what I read you were actively shopping. You were looking for something/comparing while making sure your two small children were not causing problems. She needs to open her mouth and say something like excuse me could I just grab X. Newsflash for her the world doesn't revolve around her and everybody else doesn't have to instantly recognize her needs.


I've gotten similar attitude before - and I'm not dealing with 2 small kids. Ever sense Nestle changed the Crunch Bar recipe, I read labels ever single time I buy something. If I'm getting 2 boxes I check both boxes - because driving down the highway is not the time to discover they have added peanut products to something. I regularly get a snarky comments often implying I'm wasting their time, because they have to wait an extra 10 seconds for me to scan the box for warnings. Well the they are going to be disappointed - the sun is still center of the solar system - not them.
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PastryGoddess

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2014, 10:51:18 PM »
Unless humans have evolved to read minds there was no way you knew she wanted to get by. 

Humans use words to communicate.  If she wanted you to move, then she should have used her words to ask you to move. 

You were fine

Ceallach

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2014, 11:03:01 PM »
It sounds as though she feels she did you a favour by not asking you to move, so was offended that you dared to ask her to move!   I hate it when people think the strange rules they apply to themselves should be followed by everybody else also. 

What a silly lady.   I don't like to ask people to move, so will often stand and wait until they are done if I really need to get into the shelf they are blocking.   Obviously if I were in a rush I might say excuse me, but I'm generally shopping at a leisurely pace and not too concerned about waiting.  But I'm certainly not offended if somebody else says excuse me to me!   (Unless I were quite clearly lifting an item off the shelf and they are trying to get me to move so they can jump in ahead of me or something odd like that, but it's never happened yet!)
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TootsNYC

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2014, 12:26:47 AM »
I'd be so very tempted to say, "Use your words."

BeagleMommy

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2014, 11:21:56 AM »
I would have been so tempted to say "Oh, I'm sorry.  The gamma rays around this building prevent me from using my clairvoyance.".  I wouldn't,  but I'd be tempted.

Seriously, you did nothing wrong.  There's no way you would have been able to know she needed something from the aisle where you were shopping unless she said something.  It doesn't take a lot of time to say "Excuse me, could I just grab a can of chicken soup?".

Raintree

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2014, 10:35:17 PM »
You were fine, IMO. I find this in all kinds of situations; someone gives off huffy vibes as they push past me, when I didn't know they had wanted to get by, and I want to say, "If you'd said excuse me, I'd have moved."

Same thing happened the other day in the wine shop. I was looking at a display near the front of the store, and there was a woman standing there too, kind of at 90 degrees from me. I wasn't really paying attention to her, and kind of assumed she was also looking at the same display. When she kind of huffed and squeezed past me, I looked up and realized I was blocking the most direct path (but not the ONLY path) to the checkout. Honestly, I wasn't doing it on purpose, and if she had said, "Excuse me, can I get by?" I'd have moved.

poundcake

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2014, 10:36:34 AM »
I'd be so very tempted to say, "Use your words."

I've done that a couple times, actually.  >:D

Emmy

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Re: should have used this grocery shopping
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2014, 03:37:18 PM »
I'd be so very tempted to say, "Use your words."

I've done that a couple times, actually.  >:D

These potential comebacks you all thought of were funny, although I do agree in most situation it is safer not to engage the crazies.  I had to laugh at 'use your words' because I say that to my 2 year old when she is fussing or whining.  My 2 year old is actually pretty good about saying 'excuse me' when others are in her way, apparently this woman never learned that lesson.  I do think it is a sad and self centered way to live life by thinking others are somehow out to get you, annoy you, or ruin your day (I had a former friend with this mindset which is why she is no longer a friend).

Poundcake, I would love to hear those stories.   >:D