Author Topic: Mommy Wars  (Read 6455 times)

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artk2002

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Mommy Wars
« on: June 15, 2013, 10:28:45 AM »
I ran across this during my morning browse. Since the "mommy wars" show up all too frequently here, I thought that it might be good to see some people who have the right idea.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

LeveeWoman

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2013, 10:38:29 AM »
I ran across this during my morning browse. Since the "mommy wars" show up all too frequently here, I thought that it might be good to see some people who have the right idea.

I found it amusing that some are carrying on the war over breastfeeding in a discussion about stopping the "mommy wars".

artk2002

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2013, 10:53:11 AM »
I ran across this during my morning browse. Since the "mommy wars" show up all too frequently here, I thought that it might be good to see some people who have the right idea.

I found it amusing that some are carrying on the war over breastfeeding in a discussion about stopping the "mommy wars".

I ignore the comments threads on pretty much any news article. The more general the platform (like Yahoo), the dumber the comments get.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

delabela

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2013, 11:11:09 AM »
I think those pictures are sweet.

You know, I always wonder if the whole idea of "mommy wars" is overblown.  My own experience is that mommies know everyone is doing their best, and appreciate how hard it is.  I have been lucky enough to have a large group of supportive mama friends, and the focus has always been on supporting each other and offering help.  I am one of the few who formula fed after 6 months, and I have never gotten any grief from anyone (and I live in a extremely pro-breast feeding area).  Actually, I never even encountered any judgment from strangers when feeding in public, whether I was breast feeding or bottle feeding. 

I think our kiddos benefit from happy, supported mamas.

artk2002

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2013, 11:17:28 AM »
Sadly, I don't think it's overblown, or if it is, not by much. Just read the threads in this forum.  Here's a recent one. Read the comments on that article (if you can stomach them); as LeveeWoman pointed out, they're debating breastfeeding on an article about ending the mommy wars.

No matter what the topic is, you're going to find people who believe that their way is The Only Way and feel bound and determined to make everyone else conform. It's particularly egregious when it comes to raising children because the stakes are apparently very high. No parent wants to fail their child and that gives the self-righteous ones a very big lever. I can brush off someone saying that I should have bought a Toyota instead of a Ford, but it's a lot harder to brush off someone saying that my choice is going to ruin my child's future.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

delabela

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2013, 11:23:34 AM »
But I do think it's a very vocal minority that goes on the crusades - most people live and let live.  I also think there's something the media loves about "oh, look - women fight with each other and are catty!" that encourages the stories. 

citadelle

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2013, 12:28:32 PM »
I couldn't see comments on the article? Any tips?

Hmmmmm

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2013, 04:22:52 PM »
Sadly, I don't think it's overblown, or if it is, not by much. Just read the threads in this forum.  Here's a recent one. Read the comments on that article (if you can stomach them); as LeveeWoman pointed out, they're debating breastfeeding on an article about ending the mommy wars.

No matter what the topic is, you're going to find people who believe that their way is The Only Way and feel bound and determined to make everyone else conform. It's particularly egregious when it comes to raising children because the stakes are apparently very high. No parent wants to fail their child and that gives the self-righteous ones a very big lever. I can brush off someone saying that I should have bought a Toyota instead of a Ford, but it's a lot harder to brush off someone saying that my choice is going to ruin my child's future.

Just read the post you linked too. That's not mommy wars to me. That is just a rude bossy know it all.

TootsNYC

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2013, 04:24:44 PM »
But I do think it's a very vocal minority that goes on the crusades - most people live and let live.  I also think there's something the media loves about "oh, look - women fight with each other and are catty!" that encourages the stories.

For one thing, news is about unusual things or dramatic things. It's pretty boring to run stories about women who don't much care how other women are raising their children, and who instead simply wish them well, and feel confident they're all making the best possible choice.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #9 on: June 15, 2013, 04:27:58 PM »
When it comes to "mommy wars", the only winning move is not to play.

pharmagal

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #10 on: June 15, 2013, 09:01:49 PM »
It all sounds very similar to the vaccination debate.

delabela

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #11 on: June 15, 2013, 09:15:06 PM »
When it comes to "mommy wars", the only winning move is not to play.

And now I want to watch War Games!

*inviteseller

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #12 on: June 15, 2013, 10:51:26 PM »
The mommy wars are alive and well...unfortunately. 
With my closest friends, our kids are all different ages with large gaps between them.  The ones with older kids would be asked questions, but there was no judging and we all helped each other.  That all ended when one finally had her first child, and she became the first woman to ever birth a child!  She started getting all holier than thou about what we were doing wrong (btw, other kids were already at least 3 years and up in age!).  She complained about how hard it was to us about working from home with a child to care for, and how I did this wrong or others did that wrong. 

The closest I ever came to slugging another human was when she looked at me and said that I didn't understand how lucky I was to have my child in daycare because she worked almost 40 hours in 2 weeks from home with a toddler running around and it was just so hard!  While she was whining about this I started steaming...yes, it must be so hard NOT to pay daycare, NOT to drag your child out no matter the weather, to NOT have to pray the fever they were running over night would come back and you get a phone call from daycare to come get them now, NOT have to deal with a psycho boss and stress from a hectic job that you put in about 50 hours a week at, to NOT worry about juggling dr appointments so you aren't missing too much work (and there were plenty as DD was battling asthma issues that we had trouble controlling), and to NOT worry about whether your slimy ex would cough up child support, because of course she did have the stress of having to cook a dinner for her husband every night.   I, surprisingly said nothing to her but inside I was seething!  It came to a head when her and her husband so generously invited DD (at the time 13) to go on vacation with them and their 2 kids and she spent the time ripping me and how I am wrong for making my younger DD take naps (she was 2) because her kids did not need them..her DD (3 yrs) had meltdowns everyday, ripping me for making my kids <gasp> eat healthy instead of steady diets of whatever they wanted, and for expecting DD to do chores. 

I have been steadily (as has everyone) distancing myself from her because her kids are unbearable to be around and I get sick of her suggestions (patronizingly handed out).  I may, in my head, question what other parents are thinking when I see how they raise their kids, but unless it is dangerous or I see a medical issue that they may not (see my thread about friends DD's speech) I say nothing. 
« Last Edit: June 15, 2013, 11:30:33 PM by *inviteseller »

Emmy

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #13 on: June 15, 2013, 11:05:29 PM »
I do think that a very vocal minority add fuel to the 'mommy wars'.  Most of the other moms I meet in real life seem very non-judgmental of others' parenting choices (or at least they keep quiet about it).  Personally, I may not agree with somebody's parenting decision, but I don't walk in their shoes so I don't judge them for it and certainly not outspoken about it.  Even on the baby message boards, there are a few outspoken people, but most people seem to not be looking for arguments or trouble.  There is one well known pediatrician who writes books and has made judgmental comments towards women who don't share his parenting style.  This has made me not respect this person or his opinions.

I found it ironic on a yahoo comments section about a story, a woman complained that people say negative things about her style of parenting while in the same post writing  snarky comment about another style of parenting.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Mommy Wars
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2013, 11:07:02 PM »
The mommy wars are alive and well...unfortunately.  With my closest friends, our kids are all different ages with large gaps between them.  The ones with older kids would be asked questions, but there was no judging and we all helped each other.  That all ended when one finally had her first child, and she became the first woman to ever birth a child!  She started getting all holier than thou about what we were doing wrong (btw, other kids were already at least 3 years and up in age!).  She complained about how hard it was to us about working from home with a child to care for, and how I did this wrong or others did that wrong.  The closest I ever came to slugging another human was when she looked at me and said that I didn't understand how lucky I was to have my child in daycare because she worked almost 40 hours in 2 weeks from home with a toddler running around and it was just so hard!  While she was whining about this I started steaming...yes, it must be so hard NOT to pay daycare, NOT to drag your child out no matter the weather, to NOT have to pray the fever they were running over night would come back and you get a phone call from daycare to come get them now, NOT have to deal with a psycho boss and stress from a hectic job that you put in about 50 hours a week at, to NOT worry about juggling dr appointments so you aren't missing too much work (and there were plenty as DD was battling asthma issues that we had trouble controlling), and to NOT worry about whether your slimy ex would cough up child support, because of course she did have the stress of having to cook a dinner for her husband every night.   I, surprisingly said nothing to her but inside I was seething!  It came to a head when her and her husband so generously invited DD (at the time 13) to go on vacation with them and their 2 kids and she spent the time ripping me and how I am wrong for making my younger DD take naps (she was 2) because her kids did not need them..her DD (3 yrs) had meltdowns everyday, ripping me for making my kids <gasp> eat healthy instead of steady diets of whatever they wanted, and for expecting DD to do chores.  I have been steadily (as has everyone) distancing myself from her because her kids are unbearable to be around and I get sick of her suggestions (patronizingly handed out).  I may, in my head, question what other parents are thinking when I see how they raise their kids, but unless it is dangerous or I see a medical issue that they may not (see my thread about friends DD's speech) I say nothing.

Would you please separate this block of text into paragraphs?