Author Topic: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall  (Read 2384 times)

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Zizi-K

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Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« on: June 15, 2013, 04:08:09 PM »
When people post links/articles to their own FB pages, I assume they do so because they want to share whatever the article is, and by doing so (I believe) they implicitly invite comments to those posts. But I had a moment his morning that had me wondering about the extent of this. A FB 'friend' (more like a colleague from grad school 8 years ago, someone I have not really kept in touch with except through FB) posted an article to his wife's wall, and included a message in the post direct towards her. I clicked the link, and found something couched in 'positive' language but was actually something I found very offensive. If he had simply posted this to his own wall, I would feel no compunction about responding and politely articulating where the article went amiss. However, since it was posted to his wife's wall, it felt like I would be butting in to a private conversation. ON the other hand, if he really wanted it to be a private conversation, he would just just PM'd her and not posted it publicly. So, for now I have not responded and probably won't (we have really different perspectives with respect to lifestyle and religion, so I imagine it would be a bit pointless anyway), but I wondered what the EHellions thought about the situation in general. Ok to respond to such a thing or no?

thedudeabides

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2013, 04:44:57 PM »
I probably wouldn't since I don't necessarily know whether the person whose wall it's posted on gives two figs about my opinion or not.  I make it a general rule not to respond to things like this if I'm not FB friends with both parties, but even then I'm unlikely to respond if it's a topic I know the person/people feel strongly about.  It's almost never worth sitting around going, "But someone is WRONG on the internet!!!" and telling them so. 

From the other side, if a friend of a friend came commenting on my wall looking to get into a debate, I'd likely either ignore it or delete it, personally.  Want to debate the points of an article?  Post it on your own wall and discuss it there.

CaffeineKatie

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2013, 02:14:57 PM »
I might add a positive comment--"that's cute" or "best wishes" if it was a general posting, i.e. cute cats or my child won a prize postings. Other than that, I wouldn't comment if it wasn't someone on my friends list.  I'm not always sure I can tell or other FB posters can tell who all has access to their postings--it's still a mystery to so many of us.

katycoo

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2013, 07:10:30 PM »
I wouldn't be negative about something posted by a friend on a stranger's wall.  If I had a positive comment then perhaps, but I don't like the idea of bringing conflict (even minor) to a stranger's wall.

Shoo

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2013, 08:55:41 PM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.


katycoo

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2013, 09:39:55 PM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

Zizi-K

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2013, 09:44:03 PM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

I wish that were the case - because it shows up on my news feed and I don't know her!

Just to reiterate - I did not respond, will not respond, and really never really seriously thought of doing so...but the article WAS pretty offensive to me and I was frustrated to be exposed to something on my newsfeed that it was not really appropriate for me to respond to. But I fully realize that very little good could have come of me responding to such a thing.

Yvaine

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2013, 10:04:00 PM »
When I use the "post on someone's wall" feature, it's because I think that specific person would like it but also don't mind other people seeing, liking, commenting, etc. If it was private, I'd use private message. This is more the equivalent of going "Hey, Bob, get a load of this!" in a roomful of people. I'm aiming it mostly at Bob but I don't mind if others take an interest too.

If I encountered the situation you describe, I'd probably stay out of it so as not to get into an argument on the third party's wall, but it would likely change my opinion of my friend, unless I knew him well enough to know he was posting it in a "can you believe people really think this?" sort of context. If I was pretty sure he was serious about it, I might hide him or defriend him.

But my reasons for not responding would not be because it was private--it wasn't--but because I wouldn't want to start a fight in his wife's space when my beef is with the husband,

Knitterly

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2013, 10:20:52 PM »
I have had people post defensively about things that other people have posted on my wall.  It really, really irritates me.  It feels like the commenter is trying to start an argument.

Example:
A friend, Alice, posted an article about Polka Dot Issue on my wall.  The article was pro-Polka, and Alice posted it to my wall knowing that I am also pro-Polka.  Betty, Candice, and Donna all liked the article.  Eleanor was the first to comment, and it was a very anti-Polka comment.  Knowing that I am pro-Polka (as are the majority of my friends), this irritated me.  Although Eleanor was welcome to read the article and have her opinion, by posting her opinion on my wall, I felt as though she were taking advantage of the situation. 

I use this example because Polka Dots are a huge hot-button topic and polarizes people on one side or the other.  It invariably creates arguments.  Many people on both sides of the issue find the views of the other side to be offensive.  However, using a post on someone's wall as a jump off point to express your opinion on a matter can be extremely rude - even when you really, truly, absolutely believe that Polka Dots or No Polka Dots is a safety issue and therefore not subject to a normal mannerly exchange (and believe me, Polkas and Anti-Polkas both believe their side is the safe one).

I vote for saying nothing.  Talk to your friend about the article in person, but do not use her wall to potentially start an argument with her husband.  This will put your friend in a very difficult and unfair position and could create tension - either between her and her husband, her and you, or you and her husband - or any combination of these.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2013, 10:23:51 PM by Knitterly »

katycoo

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2013, 11:51:10 PM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

I wish that were the case - because it shows up on my news feed and I don't know her!

Just to reiterate - I did not respond, will not respond, and really never really seriously thought of doing so...but the article WAS pretty offensive to me and I was frustrated to be exposed to something on my newsfeed that it was not really appropriate for me to respond to. But I fully realize that very little good could have come of me responding to such a thing.

Yeah - FB isn't perfect.  But I still think that was the intention.  I'd be annoyed if a stranger was ranting on my page.

If you really wanted to comment, you could link the article back to your friend's page, say that you saw he's posted the article and make your comments on it directly to him?

Yvaine

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2013, 12:18:12 AM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

I wish that were the case - because it shows up on my news feed and I don't know her!

Just to reiterate - I did not respond, will not respond, and really never really seriously thought of doing so...but the article WAS pretty offensive to me and I was frustrated to be exposed to something on my newsfeed that it was not really appropriate for me to respond to. But I fully realize that very little good could have come of me responding to such a thing.

Yeah - FB isn't perfect.  But I still think that was the intention.  I'd be annoyed if a stranger was ranting on my page.

If you really wanted to comment, you could link the article back to your friend's page, say that you saw he's posted the article and make your comments on it directly to him?

If it was that offensive, no way would I share it and thereby attach my name to it. It would then show up in my friends' feeds with "Yvaine shared a link: (nastystuff)" and if they don't expand out the comments below, it would look like I was endorsing it. I'd either PM him or just decide it'll inform my opinion of him going forward.

katycoo

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #11 on: June 17, 2013, 12:23:58 AM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

I wish that were the case - because it shows up on my news feed and I don't know her!

Just to reiterate - I did not respond, will not respond, and really never really seriously thought of doing so...but the article WAS pretty offensive to me and I was frustrated to be exposed to something on my newsfeed that it was not really appropriate for me to respond to. But I fully realize that very little good could have come of me responding to such a thing.

Yeah - FB isn't perfect.  But I still think that was the intention.  I'd be annoyed if a stranger was ranting on my page.

If you really wanted to comment, you could link the article back to your friend's page, say that you saw he's posted the article and make your comments on it directly to him?

If it was that offensive, no way would I share it and thereby attach my name to it. It would then show up in my friends' feeds with "Yvaine shared a link: (nastystuff)" and if they don't expand out the comments below, it would look like I was endorsing it. I'd either PM him or just decide it'll inform my opinion of him going forward.

I think you can flag it not to show in your newsfeed, but  for this exact reason, I wouldn't judge someone on merely linking an article if I wasn't going to read their comment on it.

Yvaine

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #12 on: June 17, 2013, 01:03:44 AM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

I wish that were the case - because it shows up on my news feed and I don't know her!

Just to reiterate - I did not respond, will not respond, and really never really seriously thought of doing so...but the article WAS pretty offensive to me and I was frustrated to be exposed to something on my newsfeed that it was not really appropriate for me to respond to. But I fully realize that very little good could have come of me responding to such a thing.

Yeah - FB isn't perfect.  But I still think that was the intention.  I'd be annoyed if a stranger was ranting on my page.

If you really wanted to comment, you could link the article back to your friend's page, say that you saw he's posted the article and make your comments on it directly to him?

If it was that offensive, no way would I share it and thereby attach my name to it. It would then show up in my friends' feeds with "Yvaine shared a link: (nastystuff)" and if they don't expand out the comments below, it would look like I was endorsing it. I'd either PM him or just decide it'll inform my opinion of him going forward.

I think you can flag it not to show in your newsfeed, but  for this exact reason, I wouldn't judge someone on merely linking an article if I wasn't going to read their comment on it.

Well, that's why I had caveats in my post about being sure the husband wasn't posting it to criticize. It sounds like the husband's only comment was something personal to the wife, if I read the OP correctly, but I'm not sure. But it's something I'm really cautious about personally.

sparksals

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2013, 01:11:27 AM »
How are you seeing what he posts on his wife's wall?  Are you also FB friends with her?


I don't think it matters if you find it offensive because others don't find it offensive.   People can post to their wall whatever they want.  I, personally, have strong feelings on a very hotbed issue in the US because of my personal experience with it.  I share posts to my wall frequently about this topic that I find on a few pages that post on my feed.  While those who disagree are certainly welcome to comment politely and respectfully, to come out and say what I post on MY wall is offensive is a bit much.  What I post isn't offensive.. it is a different opinion.  There is a difference... what you find offensive could be an opinion that differs from yours. 


If I see something on my feed posted by a friend with different X, Y or Z beliefs from mine, I just scroll past without commenting.

sparksals

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Re: Commenting on a post to someone else's FB wall
« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2013, 01:13:57 AM »
I don't think something that someone posts on his wife's wall is something you should comment on.  It was obviously something for his wife to read, and not anyone else.  If he wanted others to read it and comment on it, he would have posted it to his own wall.

I don't think that's necessarily true.  If it was private for her eyes only, he would have PM'd it.  I just think its for her and people she knows.

I wish that were the case - because it shows up on my news feed and I don't know her!

Just to reiterate - I did not respond, will not respond, and really never really seriously thought of doing so...but the article WAS pretty offensive to me and I was frustrated to be exposed to something on my newsfeed that it was not really appropriate for me to respond to. But I fully realize that very little good could have come of me responding to such a thing.


Sounds like her privacy settings are to 'friends of friends' meaning that posts friends post on her wall shows on all their friends wall... unless you have him listed as close friend?  I don't understand why I see crap posted by friends of friends when I view my close friends feed.