Author Topic: Changing seats at a party multiple times.  (Read 3093 times)

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MOM21SON

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Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« on: June 15, 2013, 08:42:59 PM »
I just got home from a Grad party.  There was a woman there that I used to be friends with.  We haven't spoken since November and that was very minimal, as in "Hi".  The breakup of the friendship was a year ago.

99% of the other guests were long time friends.  It is a pretty close circle of friends from a activity we were/are all involved in.

Every single time, I got up from my seat, I would return to find this woman in it.  Once I left my cup there and once I left my phone.  The other 2 times I left nothing.

If I left nothing the seat is free.  But if you leave something there, doesn't it mean you intend to return?

There was no seat shortage by any means.  I guess she did me a favor because I had a great time catching up with everyone!


WillyNilly

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2013, 08:48:40 PM »
I think this depends - were people milling about, were other people occasionally moving seats? And/or was she talking with the same person each time you returned? And was this seat just casual seating, or was this your seat at a dinner table? And your phone - did you leave it on the seat or just at the table near the seat?

At a dinner party, I feel like seats become people's seats, but at a milling about party, once you get up, the seat is fair game for anyone (unless its one of those backyard parties where people literally bring their own chairs... and even at those, IME, often seats are shared among folks).

CaffeineKatie

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2013, 08:56:25 PM »
I think I would have assumed she was trying to be rude/initiate a contact/cause a reaction?!?!?  But it sounds like you had a great attitude about it--glad you enjoyed the party.

MOM21SON

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2013, 08:56:55 PM »
I think this depends - were people milling about, were other people occasionally moving seats? And/or was she talking with the same person each time you returned? And was this seat just casual seating, or was this your seat at a dinner table? And your phone - did you leave it on the seat or just at the table near the seat?

At a dinner party, I feel like seats become people's seats, but at a milling about party, once you get up, the seat is fair game for anyone (unless its one of those backyard parties where people literally bring their own chairs... and even at those, IME, often seats are shared among folks).

Most people stayed seated unless it was to get up and get food or drink.  It was very casual.  There were some switching around.  People really weren't standing and talking due to several children running around with balloons(it was awful). 

I left the phone and drink on the table where my plate used to  be.

It really was not a big deal because I knew pretty much everyone there.  I just thought it odd that I seemed to be "warming" up seats for her.

Sharnita

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2013, 08:58:25 PM »
At any grad party I've attended, her behavior is completey normal.

m2kbug

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2013, 09:05:38 PM »
It seems a little odd, and given your rel@tionship seems a little prickly, you wonder if there's some passive-aggressive behavior happening since it happened repeatedly.  It's not terribly unusual in this setting, but still, if people are eating and your phone is there, wouldn't it be reasonable to assume the person sitting there was getting up for seconds?  I wonder if she asked if the seat was free. 

CaffeineKatie

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2013, 09:06:15 PM »
OK, maybe I read this differently--I got the impression that the OP sat in several different seats throughout her time at the party, and EVERYTIME she got up from a seat, her ex-friend would then move and take her seat, even when other chairs were available, so that the OP would have to collect her belonging and move elsewhere.  Sorry, that can't be coincidence in my book.

MOM21SON

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2013, 09:12:05 PM »
OK, maybe I read this differently--I got the impression that the OP sat in several different seats throughout her time at the party, and EVERYTIME she got up from a seat, her ex-friend would then move and take her seat, even when other chairs were available, so that the OP would have to collect her belonging and move elsewhere.  Sorry, that can't be coincidence in my book.

I only sat in several different seats because when I got up and came back, she was sitting in my seat every time.  So you do have it right.

There were only about 30-35 adults using seats in that area.  The teens were on the other side of the room.

Iris

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2013, 09:34:12 PM »
I agree it's a bit odd, but it could just be coincidence.

Or it could be that you were awesome and confident and having a great time and this woman kept subconsciously thinking "That looks like a super fun group. I'll go over and say hi when there's a break there." And kept on thinking it every time you joined a new group, without realising the common thread.

Either way, unless it happens again I'd just chalk it up to an odd thing that happened and assume no malice.
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MOM21SON

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #9 on: June 15, 2013, 09:50:42 PM »
I agree it's a bit odd, but it could just be coincidence.

Or it could be that you were awesome and confident and having a great time and this woman kept subconsciously thinking "That looks like a super fun group. I'll go over and say hi when there's a break there." And kept on thinking it every time you joined a new group, without realising the common thread.

Either way, unless it happens again I'd just chalk it up to an odd thing that happened and assume no malice.

I really have no malice.  I had a super good time and it really was just what I needed after struggling with this for 1 full year.  It was clear that everyone was glad to see me and DS. 

Kinda makes me mad that I let her "win' and stayed away so long due to my own insecurities.

gramma dishes

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #10 on: June 15, 2013, 10:39:19 PM »
You'll probably never know for sure whether it was just coincidence of whether she was intentionally trying to get your goat or whether she suddenly took on a very possessive attitude about those you were seated near (all four times  :)) and wanted to be sure you didn't get too super friendly with "her" friends.  Or maybe she was afraid you were talking about her! 

The rest of the group let you know you'd been missed and they were really genuinely happy to see you.  So it honestly doesn't matter why she did that.  It turned out to be a perfect confidence booster for you! 

If she meant to hurt your feelings in some way, it certainly backfired.  If it was all just kind of accidental, then she probably didn't even notice.  No harm, no foul.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2013, 12:15:57 AM »
If I'm reading the OP correctly, it happened four times. I suspect it's more than coincidence - it sounds instead like this woman was deliberately taking the OP's chair.

I also believe that if you leave something on the near your seat (like your phone, bag, etc) that's an indication that you plan to return to it soon.

So I do think this woman was being silly and rude, but OP, I think you handled yourself perfectly!

*inviteseller

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2013, 12:36:21 AM »
It sounds like she was doing it deliberately either to make you talk to her or to try and get under your skin.  Ignoring her is the best course of action.

NyaChan

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2013, 12:41:31 AM »
Whether it was deliberate or not, I'd find that incredibly irritating. 

TeamBhakta

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Re: Changing seats at a party multiple times.
« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2013, 01:00:10 AM »
OK, maybe I read this differently--I got the impression that the OP sat in several different seats throughout her time at the party, and EVERYTIME she got up from a seat, her ex-friend would then move and take her seat, even when other chairs were available, so that the OP would have to collect her belonging and move elsewhere.  Sorry, that can't be coincidence in my book.

I only sat in several different seats because when I got up and came back, she was sitting in my seat every time.  So you do have it right.

There were only about 30-35 adults using seats in that area.  The teens were on the other side of the room.

I swear Mrs Chair Snatcher sounds like my cats