Author Topic: Will you be around this afternoon?  (Read 12332 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Will you be around this afternoon?
« Reply #90 on: June 19, 2013, 02:39:50 PM »
My point was not about "not being sulky and upset." I have no reason to think that Coley's DH is doing that.

My point is more about going out of your way to be alluring, enjoyable, appealing company. To "woo" the person whose attention you want.

It's a lot like the stuff you do to try to get someone to date you.

You try to be where they are; be interested in the stuff they're interested in; make interesting conversation about the stuff they're interested in; make it clear in a non-invasive way that you are thrilled to be around them and interested in them.

You go read the book they mentioned in passing, and bring it up later in a  substantive way. You ask them intelligent follow-up questions about the topic they were discussing or the event in their life.

You also pop up at odd times in interesting and appealing ways when you're *not* together. Like, you see a plant like the one they were talking about from their garden, so you snap a pic w/ your camera phone and text it to them.

Basically, it's important to make sure that the interactions your "target" has with you are enjoyable and rewarding. Then they'll want to be around more.

You don't become a doormat--that's what Coley's DH has gotten wrong. He's trying to be very accommodating. Maybe he needs to play hard-to-get. And to be so appealing when they ARE together that Rob has a motivation to want to 'get' time with his dad.

Coley

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Re: Will you be around this afternoon?
« Reply #91 on: June 19, 2013, 03:42:33 PM »
TootsNYC is right: DH is not at all sulky or upset around Rob and his brothers. He is genuinely happy when the boys are around. And by happy, I mean thrilled and enthusiastic. He loves to see them, even if it's for a short time. Later, he may tell me how he's feeling deep down, but it's not on display when the boys are around. And when situations like this recent one with Rob arise, we spend more time talking about how he feels.

DH and Rob are very different people with very different personalities. Their interests are pretty divergent. Despite that, I think there's something to the "wooing" idea. One thing they share in common is their love for the pro baseball team in BigCity. They talk frequently about baseball. It would be fairly easy for them to go to some games together. It would be a starting place, but I would like to see DH expand their relationship beyond baseball-talk though.

Rob is into golf. DH has never played golf. It might be possible for two of them to play golf sometime, so Rob could teach DH how to play. If they did that, I would like to see Rob and DH go without the other two boys. If the other two boys are involved, it would create a competitive atmosphere in the golf game, which adds some stress to the mix.

I'm pondering some possibilities here ...

TurtleDove

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Re: Will you be around this afternoon?
« Reply #92 on: June 19, 2013, 03:44:28 PM »
The pro baseball game is a great idea!  I hope DH and Rob do that!

jilly

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Re: Will you be around this afternoon?
« Reply #93 on: June 19, 2013, 04:30:13 PM »
It might help your DH to remember that when he was not passive and spoke to his boys about how he felt and how he hoped their relationship would be it worked his relationship with his youngest two boys has improved. Maybe Rob just needs to be told this through your DH changing his actions, previous posters have some great ideas how to do this, rather than words.

Mrs. Tilney

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Re: Will you be around this afternoon?
« Reply #94 on: June 19, 2013, 05:19:18 PM »
They also could try just going to a driving range to hit golf balls. I'm not big into golf, but will do that with my dad on occasion because he enjoys golfing, and he LOVES that I'll do that.