DP is an ordained minister with denomination X. The denomination has an every-three-year massive convocation/convention event for a week at swanky hotels (every other one is outside the US). Last time we went (six years ago), we were truly poor as church mice, and ended up staying off a way from the hotel the event was at, only registering DP (so I sat in the hotel every day by myself) and eating soup and sandwiches to make money stretch. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me - for a lot of reasons, most of them because I felt really excluded.
Fast forward six years, and DP and I are doing better, financially. We prepay for both of us to go to events. We prepay for our parking (saving us $$$). We save up so that DP can have new clothes she needed, and even splash out a little on a custom clergy shirt (tailored to fit her new shape, post-cancer). We save up so we can stay in the conference hotel - a really swanky one, in midtown Chicago - and have a nice room to ourselves. I'm SUPER excited about it - even with the expense, it's going to be a little second honeymoon sort of thing for us, and I'm really happy about it.
Then we went to church a week ago Sunday, and ran into DP's former clergy buddy. She's nice, and so is her partner - and DP and Clergy Buddy were thick as thieves back in pastoral training and when they first got out of seminary, and so are very glad that we're all in the same city. They started talking about what's going on in their lives, and catching up. CB's partner is also going through ministry training, so they will BOTH be ministers - how exciting for them! And they are looking for a permanent post for them both - how wonderful! And they're going to conference, too - how much of a blessing! And they're looking for a place to stay while they are there as they can't afford to pay for a room.... and while my brain is silently screaming NOOOOOOOO DP says "well, we have a handicapped suite, so there should be room for you to bring in a rollaway..." and my heart goes to the floor and cries a bit.
It's not just the sharing a room thing. I lived in dorms, I went to sleepaway camp, I've done that. It's the fact that a) DP has a lot of, um, medical stuff that I have to do for her (ostomy, mostly) and we need privacy for that b) I was hoping to have some private time away from the crowds downstairs (I've found that I can't handle crowds without some space, and this conference will be CROWDED) and c) I've been pinching pennies until they hurt for months so we would have money for this, and even though they will be sleeping on an air mattress, we are spending $1100 for a week in a hotel and they are going to be (maybe) able to give us $100. If DP will take it and d) I'm sharing a room with two people I don't know at all, and I'm NOT OK with it.
It's too late to do anything about it. DP is thrilled - she's seeing this as a sleepover event. CB and CB's partner are thrilled - they get to stay in the conference hotel (so convenient!) and spend time with DP. I'm the only one that's not excited about it.
Advice for how to set boundaries while we're there? I'll be calling on all my acting training to keep my face neutral.
ETA: was actually two Sundays ago - so eight days past.