Author Topic: How to keep my sanity - virtual strangers sharing our hotel room **LONG**  (Read 7853 times)

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Hillia

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Oh, thank Heavens - Apparently all the good energy going out is bearing fruit. Called the hotel - was told by them that there is *NO* room for a rollout bed and that it's not allowed for fire safety reasons in that room. DP notified, she's calling her friend before I get home.

We have had a TON of minor but adding up sort of things, and this was my last straw. DP is handling it all herself from here, as far as this goes, and the hotel gets to be the bad guys, so no hard feelings anywhere.

DP is also making dinner tonight, all by her little lonesome. She never said it was an apology, but I'm seeing serious contrition in that pot roast.

Nothing like the flavor of a sincere apology!  Glad to hear everything worked out for you...enjoy your mini vacation!

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Library Dragon

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That darn fire marshal!  Good.  Enjoy the pot roast of contrition. 

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RebeccainGA

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That darn fire marshal!  Good.  Enjoy the pot roast of contrition. 

I think pot roast of contrition needs to be a new 'thing'. DP makes an awesome pot roast of contrition. :-)

Lynn2000

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Great update, OP! Hopefully DP has learned from this. Maybe after things cool down, you could do some role-playing about stalling tactics. I know that sometimes I feel on the spot and don't think very quickly--someone else suggested, "We should check on a few things first," which I think is good wording.

I was just thinking about how something similar, though less serious, happened to me earlier this year. I was planning to go on a trip with someone and, knowing his propensity to jump in and make arrangements, asked him not to do anything until I had a chance to look into it and we could discuss things. (Still far in advance, so no money was at stake.) He agreed... and two days later announced that he'd booked a hotel. In the wrong place and for the wrong number of days, because we hadn't discussed what we were doing::)

I was really mad at him for not listening to me.  >:( We were able to discuss the trip and clarified what we were doing and how long it would take, and then he suggested using the same hotel he'd already booked, but just extending it to the right number of days. I said I didn't want to do that, and that we should stay at another hotel. Frankly, I didn't want to reward him for not listening to me. The hotel we ended up in was cheaper, still nice, and able to get us free tickets to our main event, so it wasn't a question of me demanding more money be spent or standards be lowered.

We had a nice trip once all that got sorted out. Though, that's the last trip I've been on with him, or plan to go on, because he does stuff like that all the time--changing the itinerary on me, not preparing well enough, etc.. I had been increasingly frustrated by that, and it felt really freeing to just say, "No. Enough. I'm not going to be dragged around anymore on what's supposed to be a fun vacation."
~Lynn2000

WillyNilly

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Whoo-hoo!

I'm really really glad for you!

AnnaJ

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Great news! :)

Amara

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Yay!

artk2002

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I'm glad it's working out this time, but...  I agree with PP that you need to have a conversation about this for the future. Toots put it well:

You and DP really need to work on the idea that you never speak about anything until you've spoken in private.

This is the catalyst for this conversation. Express your disappointment. Tell her a little piece of you died.

BOTH of you should make that promise.

and you also should feel free to interrupt her and say, "Oh, DP, we need to check on some things before we offer that." Which gives you something you can do when you're there.

But you can't always be there, so that's why you need the rule.

All couples need that rule.

(Emphasis mine.)
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

hobish

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Oh, I am so glad it worked out!
I hope you get to meet DPís friend and get to know her in better circumstances. Not that you may ever want to share a hotel room, thatís not what I mean; but just to make friends in a non tense, non forced situation.
It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
~Gaslight Anthem

cwm

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I'm glad it worked out for you. And that pot roast of contrition sounds delicious, enjoy it!

You might still want to talk to DP. Someone else mentioned stalling tactics. I don't even think it has to be that severe. There's one key phrase that can be used without it sounding like a stalling tactic. "Let me ask RebeccainGA." That's it. And then the two of you discuss whatever it is that was brought up before DP makes any solid plans.

Also, not that I've ever heard of you doing this, but the reverse has to be true. Make sure your DP knows that just as you expect her not to make plans for the both of you like that, that you're willing not to do the same until you speak with her.

Enjoy your time at the convention. It sounds like now that this wrinkle is out of the way you're going to have a bit of a better time.

Eeep!

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Oh yay! So happy the decision was taken out of your hands! Phew!
Enjoy your potroast of contrition (hee) and your stay at a nice hotel!
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

gramma dishes

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This is the one and only time in my life I've ever used this old saw, but it seems to be terribly appropriate in this case:

"The Lord works in mysterious ways."

I think this time the Lord showed up dressed a a fire marshall!   >:D

Miss Understood

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That darn fire marshal!  Good.  Enjoy the pot roast of contrition. 

I think pot roast of contrition needs to be a new 'thing'. DP makes an awesome pot roast of contrition. :-)

Seconded!  I think the "pot roast of contrition" sounds awesome.   :D  I'm so glad this worked out for you and I hope you both have a wonderful time!

elephantschild

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So glad it's working out!

When I was 5 months pregnant with our first child, DH and I made plans to go to an event out of town that we were really looking forward to. This would be our last weekend away together before the birth of our son, and the event is something we love to attend together. I was looking forward to having the time with him immensely ... we were both working hectic jobs with schedules that were rather at cross purposes.

Then DH talks to a friend, finds out that friend really wants to go to event ... and happily offers to let him crash in our room all weekend.  >:(

He had no idea why I was upset. Why was it a big idea if friend crashed? I liked friend, didn't I? (I did, actually.) He'd get lost for a while if we wanted some privacy. Right? And, yeah, he might be bringing someone else with him too.

I think the root of the matter was that years before I started attending this event with DH, it was a group thing. A bunch of the guys would get a hotel room together and cram as many people in as possible. All they did was sleep there, so the more the merrier!

It was no longer the same sort of thing (most of the group doesn't go at all anymore), but he just reverted to that basis when friend expressed interest in going. :P  I finally got him to understand that maybe that's how it used to be a decade ago when they were all bachelors, but his pregnant wife was not OK tiptoeing over someone passed out on the floor when she had to hike to the bathroom in the middle of the night ... and that, you know, that was the last time we'd have an entire weekend together before the baby arrived. (I think that last got through to him.  ::))

I don't know what was said, but friend got his own room.
"But there was one Elephant -- a new Elephant -- an Elephant's Child--who was full of 'satiable curtiosity, and that means he asked ever so many questions."
-- "Just So Stories," Rudyard Kipling

cicero

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I'm glad it's working out this time, but...  I agree with PP that you need to have a conversation about this for the future. Toots put it well:

You and DP really need to work on the idea that you never speak about anything until you've spoken in private.

This is the catalyst for this conversation. Express your disappointment. Tell her a little piece of you died.

BOTH of you should make that promise.

and you also should feel free to interrupt her and say, "Oh, DP, we need to check on some things before we offer that." Which gives you something you can do when you're there.

But you can't always be there, so that's why you need the rule.

All couples need that rule.

(Emphasis mine.)
Yes

I am very happy it worked out ( or will work out after DP makes the phone call) and you will have your mini vacation. PLEASE makke sure that DP accepts that your room is off limits for these friends, who might ask to rest, shower, change etc during the convention.

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