Etiquette School is in session! > "What an interesting assumption."

s/o of "You Can't Afford This"..."They/You Can't Afford That!"

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wheeitsme:

--- Quote from: nuit93 on June 17, 2013, 03:43:02 PM ---
--- Quote from: NyaChan on June 17, 2013, 02:54:57 PM ---You feel how you feel, there's nothing wrong with that.

I would note however, that you did ask specifically if she gave middle sister a card - that really wasn't your business and it opened you up to the comment.  After being asked, it makes sense to explain why she left one daughter out of this gift.  I suspect the added on comment about not telling middle sister about it was meant actually to reassure you that she was no longer chatting about her perceptions of your finances to others so that you wouldn't feel bad.

Also, as far as obsessing over motives, weren't her motives pretty obvious anyways?  It wasn't a birthday or Christmas and she didn't owe you money.  She gave you the card to help you out with an expense she though might be hard on you.  That's nothing to be ashamed of.

--- End quote ---

I was actually a bit indirect about how I asked if MS had received a card, the conversation was more like this (paraphrasing):

Me: Thank you!  That was very generous of you, you didn't have to do that.
Mom: Oh, we wanted to help out, gas prices and all...
Me (kind of jokingly): Well, we do get better gas mileage than BIL's car by a long shot.
Mom (also laughing a bit): Oh, heck, they can afford that and then some! (more serious) You didn't tell them about this, right? I wasn't going to give them anything...
Me: No, I wasn't going to, it's okay.


You're all probably correct, I should really just get over it and accept a gift for what it is.  I just hate having to admit when something is out of my budget, even if it's something that most people would find ridiculously expensive anyways (like a $50/head restaurant when we can more reasonably afford $20-25/head).  I just prefer to make a polite excuse as to why we can't do X or Y activity.

--- End quote ---

And your mom didn't say anything about your not having the money, or you not being able to budget.  She just wanted to help your life be a little easier...  ;)

NyaChan:
Actually the conversation you related makes it even less a negative IMO.  I wouldn't dwell on it if you can avoid it.

courtsmad25:
You're all probably correct, I should really just get over it and accept a gift for what it is.  I just hate having to admit when something is out of my budget, even if it's something that most people would find ridiculously expensive anyways (like a $50/head restaurant when we can more reasonably afford $20-25/head).  I just prefer to make a polite excuse as to why we can't do X or Y activity.
[/quote]

 OP sometimes its not a matter of being out of budget, but, would you blow money in as certain direction. For instance I may find a shirt that is $50, and think "that's cute, but it's not $50 cute".. Yes, you may have $50 in your wallet, and yes, you may need a new shirt, however, you may just feel better knowing that you could find 2 cute shirts for $20 a piece AND get a pair of flip flops for $10. It's a matter of choice on what you would rather spend your money on, and quite frankly with your choice to want to really retire one day, well, I'd sleep better at night knowing I'm closer to retirement vs having a new shirt in my closet.

LibraryLady:
OP, do accept what your mom and MS may give to you.  For a long time, my parents were not able to take all 5 of us kids out to eat even at a Dairy Queen.  When it got to the point where they could, Daddy was gone.  Mother would insist on it being her "treat" and we would say No, let us pay.  She finally told me, that she wanted to make up for the times that they COULDN'T treat us, so now when she wants to buy me clothes or takes us out to dinner I/we would let her.  The same way with my younger sister.  Although Joe and I do insist on treating them when they are in OUR town.

Although now that mom is entering the end times of Alzheimer's, we just tell her that yes, she did pay for lunch/supper/the clothes, even when we have taken care of it - it still gives her pleasure thinking that she did.

LL


PS  I am like the other poster  I have to stop and think - are those shoes $70 cute?   ::)

Miss Understood:
Please forgive me if this is too forward, but may I suggest that at age 32 (doing the math from your OP) you might want to think a bit about enjoying life now rather than planning for retirement.  It's admirable that you are doing so, and I don't mean to discourage it, but it sounds like your DH and you are depriving yourselves from normal happy times (which sometimes cost money). 

My PILs have been retired for 30+ years, but they have never gone anywhere or done anything that they wanted to do and of course now it's too late.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't save - you absolutely should, and take advantage of any retirement benefits such as 401K that your employers offer, especially if they match.   But splurge on yourselves now and then - you will be 42, 52, 62 and beyond before you know it, without the memories to go along with the milestones if you don't create them.

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