Author Topic: "No gifts" on invites  (Read 7328 times)

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truesdell

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"No gifts" on invites
« on: January 07, 2007, 05:50:45 PM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Gileswench

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2007, 06:18:47 PM »
Yes, it's poor etiquette to refer to gifts on an invitation.

dawbs

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2007, 10:01:29 PM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Yes.
(Short version of why:  because it implies gifts would be expected if the instructions to the contrary weren't there)

ZipTheWonder

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2007, 10:37:26 PM »
Yes, but it's not poor etiquette to respect the request, once made.

Twik

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2007, 11:45:19 PM »
Howeve, one must expect that about half the invitees won't respect it, so the ones who did will feel embarrassed showing up without anything, and spend the time thinking that the ones who didn't respect it are being unnecessarily smug, and then after the party they run out to buy something just so the hosts don't think they're cheap....

Actually, that's probably another reason why it's frowned upon to put "no gifts" on the invitation.
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Lisbeth

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2007, 11:46:05 PM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Yes.  Hosts and honorees are not entitled to tell their guests what to do with their money.
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Twik

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2007, 11:50:38 PM »
In the long run, perhaps it's simplest to restrict your guest list to those people who always "forget" to give you birthday gifts, wedding gifts, etc.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Gileswench

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2007, 12:01:33 AM »
Quote
In the long run, perhaps it's simplest to restrict your guest list to those people who always "forget" to give you birthday gifts, wedding gifts, etc.

Though I'd be a bit concerned about someone who always forgets to give one a wedding gift! ;)

Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

Twik

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2007, 10:14:36 AM »
If you run your life like Britney Spears, you'd probably know a bunch of these people!
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Evil Duckie

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2007, 12:51:46 PM »
Yes, it is rude to refer to gifts on the invite. You can tell people if they ask "no gifts please".

Don't do my ILs did for their 40th wedding anniversary. Send out invites with "no gifts please" and then got upset that people didn't give them gifts. I was told by them this way they didn't look greedy, but everyone knows that they are suppose to bring a gift.

RubySlippers

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2007, 01:45:26 PM »
ARGH!  The gift bringing situation drives me nuts.  Once one has reached the "over 21" stage of one's life, is a big gift for every invited occastion really necessary?  We had a party for our 25th a few years ago.  I told anyone who asked to NOT bring anything.  Really, no, please.  Still people brought stuff.  I thanked them at the door and put the wrapped items away for later.  I want NOT going to open gifts at a party for my friends.  Now I am stuck with a bunch of silver (yuck) tea sets, platters, coasters, knick-knacks that I really can't use. 
The parents who were celebrating their 40th anniversary - what the heck did they expect people to bring?  At that stage of life you don't need any more stuff for your house.
I very much appreciated the few who listened and brought nothing, followed by the ones who brought a bottle of wine, or a Xmas ornament (our aniversary is in December). 
The big silver stuff?  Anyone here want a silver tea set?  I'm about ready to take it to Goodwill.

dawbs

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2007, 09:10:36 PM »
Anyone here want a silver tea set?  I'm about ready to take it to Goodwill.

Oooh, I've been eying a silver teaset.  (not for me, I'm living in a very small house, but my mother collects teapots and serving sets, and after 100+ it's getting hard to find her unique gifts :-)

kareng57

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2007, 10:10:06 PM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Yes.
(Short version of why:  because it implies gifts would be expected if the instructions to the contrary weren't there)

Yes, that's true.  But I still wish that there was a gracious way to get the message across to people, without them asking.  Many people, after a certain period in their lives, simply have little use for more knick-knacks.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2007, 01:46:47 AM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Yes.
(Short version of why:  because it implies gifts would be expected if the instructions to the contrary weren't there)

Yes, that's true.  But I still wish that there was a gracious way to get the message across to people, without them asking.  Many people, after a certain period in their lives, simply have little use for more knick-knacks.

I couldn't agree more. I'm shortly to turn 26, and am planning on hosting a BBQ for a few friends. My best friend has asked me to give her some ideas, of what I might like for a gift. I want to tell her "no gifts please". But I know other people WON'T ask, and will bring presents anyway. And that will upset my best friend, seeing other people rock up with gifts, but she was precluded from giving me anything.

Gee, I wish I could just tell people without them asking! Maybe I could ask my best friend to spread the word around. Would that be rude?

Twik

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #14 on: January 18, 2007, 07:02:53 PM »
There is no rudeness I'm aware of in a third party telling invitees that you REALLY would prefer no gifts.

Unless, of course, you actually did want gifts  ;).
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."