Author Topic: "No gifts" on invites  (Read 6885 times)

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K

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2007, 05:40:00 PM »
I was went to a birthday party once where the invitation said something along the lines of no gifts were required, but that if you did want to bring something, to buy a childs toy which would be donated to a local charity.  Officially probably a breach of ettiquette, but was turned out to be a great idea, the birthday person didn't end up with a whole heap of things that they didn't want, the guests who don't like to turn up empty handed were able to bring something and a children's charity benefitted.

TZ

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2007, 06:01:16 PM »
I was went to a birthday party once where the invitation said something along the lines of no gifts were required, but that if you did want to bring something, to buy a childs toy which would be donated to a local charity.  Officially probably a breach of ettiquette, but was turned out to be a great idea, the birthday person didn't end up with a whole heap of things that they didn't want, the guests who don't like to turn up empty handed were able to bring something and a children's charity benefitted.

This is a MAJOR breach of etiquette, and it's totally unnecessary to boot.  Honestly, what is the difference between violating etiquette by requesting toys to donate to charity and quietly donating any gifts that guests would have brought anyway?  There is no difference, except that one approach is polite and the other is not. 

K

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2007, 02:25:25 AM »
I'm aware that it is a breach of etiquette, but I like to consider the intent behind the action, not just the black and white rules.  To my knowledge no-one who was invited was offended, and most people enjoyed going to the toy store to buy a childs gift.

EvilAlice

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2007, 01:16:45 PM »
Quote
To my knowledge no-one who was invited was offended, and most people enjoyed going to the toy store to buy a childs gift.

But that's kind of a Catch-22.  Anyone who didn't enjoy it would have been rude to complain about it.  We don't know how many people did resent it, and I can imagine there was at least one.

Just because no one complained in your hearing or the hearing of the hostess doesn't mean it was ok with everyone, or that they actually enjoyed it. 

extranormal

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2007, 02:13:00 PM »
Another potential pitfall with the Gift Alternative is whether that is instead of or in addition to a regular gift.

I was invited to a baby shower for which guests were asked to bring something for the baby's time capsule, to be opened when she turns ten. OK, kind of cute.

Unfortunately, this was ambiguous. Some people showed up with just something for the time capsule, others with that and a more traditional gift. Also, some of the time capsule gifts were rather fancy, such as an engraved silver keychain, whereas others were more like a TV Guide from the week the baby was born (clever, but not expensive).

Awkward it was.

tdev

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #20 on: January 25, 2007, 11:48:22 PM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Yes.
(Short version of why:  because it implies gifts would be expected if the instructions to the contrary weren't there)

Yes, that's true.  But I still wish that there was a gracious way to get the message across to people, without them asking.  Many people, after a certain period in their lives, simply have little use for more knick-knacks.

I know that I'm going to be  skewered for this suggestion but here goes...

Instead of requesting "no gifts please" I've received invitations that stated "best wishes only".  Most of these invites were for milestone birthdays or anniversaries (60th birthday or 50th anniversary).

I was was not offended in the least and was quite happy to just bring a card.

DottyG

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Re: "No gifts" on invites
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2007, 11:37:27 AM »
Short question:  is it in poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation?

Yes.
(Short version of why:  because it implies gifts would be expected if the instructions to the contrary weren't there)

Yes, that's true.  But I still wish that there was a gracious way to get the message across to people, without them asking.  Many people, after a certain period in their lives, simply have little use for more knick-knacks.

I know that I'm going to be  skewered for this suggestion but here goes...

Instead of requesting "no gifts please" I've received invitations that stated "best wishes only".  Most of these invites were for milestone birthdays or anniversaries (60th birthday or 50th anniversary).

I was was not offended in the least and was quite happy to just bring a card.

Hopefully, no one will "skewer" you here (it's not usually how things work :) ).  But, the suggestion really isn't all that much better than "no gifts please."  It's just another way of phrasing it and doesn't change the fact that it's "just not done." :)