Author Topic: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?  (Read 4244 times)

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katycoo

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2013, 07:18:48 PM »
If YOUR PARENTS said "hey, we were thinking of having a suprise vow renewal at our anniversary party, what do you think?" then I'd be all for it.  But the suprise is for the guests, not the HC.

Unless your parents have been talking about how much they want to do it and have never quite gotten around to it, I would think this a very very bad idea.

ettiquit

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2013, 10:08:32 AM »
My parents would not be remotely furious or embarrassed by this, but I can see them wanting some control over how the ceremony goes.  I can also see them being perfectly happy with whatever we came up with too, so that's where my hesitation was. 

It's funny because I recently saw a rerun of Roseanne where Arnie and Nancy got married in Vegas and at the end of their ceremony they surprised Roseanne and Dan with a vow renewal.  And of course it was funny and sweet because it was TV.

Our original plan was just to pick them up in a limo and take them to a nice restaurant, which would obviously be a lot easier.  :)

PastryGoddess

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #17 on: June 20, 2013, 10:09:50 AM »
I'd go with the original plan

lowspark

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #18 on: June 20, 2013, 03:14:05 PM »
This is the kind of thing that defines why I don't like surprise parties. I mean, the idea of my kids surprising me by picking me up in a limo and taking me out to a nice dinner? Great! But I love planning parties & such. To me, the planning and prep is half the fun. So someone throwing me a surprise party? They just took half the fun of it away from me.

And the vow renewal sort of falls into that category. Renewing vows is very personal and romantic. The planning of it and writing of the vows would give me just as much pleasure as the actual ceremoney of exchanging them. If someone did all that planning for me, the ceremony itself would lose a great deal of its significance.

TurtleDove

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #19 on: June 21, 2013, 09:53:38 AM »
I have never had a surprise party thrown for me but I imagine I would be upset that I wasn't dressed appropriately, or I had planned to go to the gym that night, or I had already eaten a big lunch or ______.  Maybe that's why I've never had a surprise really anything!  People know that about me!

Hmmmmm

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #20 on: June 21, 2013, 10:18:37 AM »
I have never had a surprise party thrown for me but I imagine I would be upset that I wasn't dressed appropriately, or I had planned to go to the gym that night, or I had already eaten a big lunch or ______.  Maybe that's why I've never had a surprise really anything!  People know that about me!

I agree a suprise vow renewal is a bad idea.

But I do think suprise parties can be thrown that shows consideration to the person being honored.  It usually just requires telling the honoree that you are planning to go do one thing but switching to the party. And the key is to make the fake activity close enough that the person will have dressed appropriately, eaten appropriately, and blocked out sufficient time.

My DH switched a planned birthday dinner out to a suprise party for me so I was dressed appropriately and in the mind set for a celebration night. It just ended up being with 25 of our closest friends/family instead of just the two of us at a restaurant. My BIL switched a "going over to close friends house for a bbq" to a 50th bday blow out for my Sis. Most recently, we switched a "girls get together at a wine bar" to "we have to stop by and pick up Anne who's running late so she said to come on in and have a drink while we wait."


TootsNYC

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #21 on: June 25, 2013, 05:57:20 PM »
This is the kind of thing that defines why I don't like surprise parties. I mean, the idea of my kids surprising me by picking me up in a limo and taking me out to a nice dinner? Great! But I love planning parties & such. To me, the planning and prep is half the fun. So someone throwing me a surprise party? They just took half the fun of it away from me.

And for me, I love the anticipation! I love the weeks of saying, "ooh, there's a party next month/week/day!" And pondering what to wear, etc.

My DH is big on surprises; when we were dating he was always wanting to surprise me w/ where we were going. I had to carefully explain to him that he was stealing some of the fun from me. (I actually think that surprise parties, etc., are essentially selfish. Surprisingly, I also think that being selfish is not always a horrible thing.)



Quote
And the vow renewal sort of falls into that category. Renewing vows is very personal and romantic. The planning of it and writing of the vows would give me just as much pleasure as the actual ceremoney of exchanging them. If someone did all that planning for me, the ceremony itself would lose a great deal of its significance.

I think that as well.

NyaChan

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #22 on: June 25, 2013, 08:50:41 PM »
I have never had a surprise party thrown for me but I imagine I would be upset that I wasn't dressed appropriately, or I had planned to go to the gym that night, or I had already eaten a big lunch or ______.  Maybe that's why I've never had a surprise really anything!  People know that about me!

I think with good planning, a person who isn't opposed to surprise parties could have a really good time.  My sister surprised my parents with a massive anniversary party for their 25th and people flew in from all over the country.  She timed it to be the same day as another party they were invited to so my parents were already dressed up, the same week as when the cleaning lady came by so mom would be happy with the way the house looked, and when they got home, they were really happy to see all the people there and everything taken care of.  I missed out because I was out of the country, but I skyped in for a little bit and it looked really fun!

bopper

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #23 on: June 26, 2013, 02:36:07 PM »
I, too, would not go with the surprise.   What if your mom always wanted a sea themed wedding but you did fall themed?
What if they always wanted to write their own vows?

Perhaps if you wanted a surprise element you could ask them if they want the vow renewal and did they want a theme and if they say yes and the theme, you could surprise them with what it looks like.

ladyknight1

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #24 on: June 26, 2013, 03:20:59 PM »
No, a surprise dinner is good, surprise vow renewal not so good.

There is only one person in the world allowed to surprise me and that is DH. Surprises in my lifetime have generally been terrible, so I only trust him to make a positive one.

Vow renewals are quite common in my circle, and have nothing to do with problems in a marriage.

carol1412

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #25 on: June 27, 2013, 11:12:49 AM »
I have always told people that surprises should involve large sums of cash (as in winning the lottery) or very sparkly jewelry. My husband knows this and only surprised me once. He asked me to dress nicely, but warmly. Took me to the theater followed by dinner and a horse-drawn carriage ride and ended it by proposing. Since it involved sparkly jewelry, this surprise was OK with me!

Thipu1

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #26 on: June 28, 2013, 08:59:34 AM »
No, a surprise dinner is good, surprise vow renewal not so good.

There is only one person in the world allowed to surprise me and that is DH. Surprises in my lifetime have generally been terrible, so I only trust him to make a positive one.

Vow renewals are quite common in my circle, and have nothing to do with problems in a marriage.

Agreed.  In our circles, vow renewals are usually associated with milestone anniversaries.  They certainly aren't a 'Hey! We're back together!' event. Also, the idea of renewing vows every year seems more like renewing a subscription than a meaningful gesture of continuing love. 

Vow renewals tend to be low-key affairs done as part of the Anniversary party.  If a member of the clergy is a relative or close friend, s/he may say a few words but there is no way that this sort of a vow renewal could be mistaken for a Wedding. 

kudeebee

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Re: Surprise vow renewal - bad idea?
« Reply #27 on: June 28, 2013, 12:28:08 PM »
Surprise parties are really a know-your-audience (guest) type of thing.  Some people like them; some don't.  I especially wouldn't do a surprise vow renewal.  A vow renewal is a personal thing.  Again, some people feel the need to do them, some don't.  I am on the don't side--I guess I personally feel that my first ones don't expire so why do I need to renew them?