Author Topic: Wedding Gift Spat- Should Cultural Traditions Be Considered in Gift Giving?  (Read 24345 times)

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Charliebug

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http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/06/19/wedding_gift_spat_spirals_out_of_control_after_bride_demands_to_see_receipt.html


Clearly the etiquette lines have not only been crossed here but completely obliterated  :-\ This did leave me wondering, however, if the happy couple's (in general- not this particular couple) cultural traditions should be considered when choosing a gift? 

Slartibartfast

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Sure - the bride's, the groom's, the gift-giver's, and the general norms for whatever area they live in and/or are getting married in.  A good gift would be unoffensive in any of those traditions.  (That doesn't mean you have to give something specific, of course, just avoid giving something insulting.)

Amava

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I can't imagine any culture in which sending the texts the bride did would not be considered rude.

Even if one is disappointed in a gift, even if a gift /could/ be considered completely sub-par in a culture, it is never okay to complain about it. Ever. And doing so will make anyone, from any culture or planet, look like a crass gimme-pig.

nuit93

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http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/06/19/wedding_gift_spat_spirals_out_of_control_after_bride_demands_to_see_receipt.html


Clearly the etiquette lines have not only been crossed here but completely obliterated  :-\ This did leave me wondering, however, if the happy couple's (in general- not this particular couple) cultural traditions should be considered when choosing a gift?

I was going to post this if you didn't :).

I think the best thing is to make sure you don't inadvertently offend the B/G.

LadyR

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I wondered if this sorry would make it onto e-hell. My DH is thr same ethnic background as one of the brides and he was horrified. Ys, there are cultural expectations regarding wedding, but its still tacky to call guests out for not meeting them. He also commented that he'd ever expect guests not of his ethnicity to live up to that standard, because its not their culture. We got a couple weird gifts and just graciously thanked the sender, then disposrd of said gift.


NyaChan

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I'm not seeing where it talks about their ethnic background - what am I missing?

Amava

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I'm not seeing where it talks about their ethnic background - what am I missing?

Fourth paragraph from the bottom up.
Laura's Italian and her bride is Croatian.

Isometric

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That's horrifying! Cultural differences do not cover blatant rudeness.

It's sad that the poll at the bottom states (at time of typing) 12% of people agree with the Brides.

I would be thrilled if someone put together such a thoughtful present for me.

Amava

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Also, if I give a gift basket, it is usually one that I have assembled myself.
No way to "give them a receipt to get their money back"...

I would however be tempted to tell them I would be glad to accept the gift back, if it was such a burden to them.

Iris

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As I've mentioned before, everyone in my family except me has coeliacs disease. Even youngest DD, 10, knows that if someone gives her a gift that is not gf she just thanks them, puts it to one side, and we deal with it later. And trust me she is NOT the poster child for good manners.

There are so many things wrong with this story it blows my mind.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

perpetua

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Yes, cultural traditions should be considered in the sense that you really shouldn't, for example, throw an anniversary party for a Jewish couple and cater it with a hog roast. But these people are just so far off the wall rude.

MummyPumpkin83

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I love the bit where they are quoting the back and forth email exchange between brides and guests:

"Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago!"

I had no idea weddings are for making money!
Mummy to 3 little Pumpkin boys!

Pen^2

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Of course cultural traditions should be considered when giving a gift! The gift is given for the enjoyment of the person who is receiving it. Why on earth would you give something that you know someone of that culture wouldn't enjoy?

Of course, if you aren't in the culture, it can be hard to know what is appropriate. Some things are obvious: don't give a strongly Jewish family a leg of the finest pork from your butcher. Others are less well-known: don't give a Chinese person a clock (it sounds like "giving a funeral" in several Mandarin dialects). In general, if it's a gift that you're putting a fair amount of money and time into, then it's polite to be thoughtful and thus do a little research to actually take into account the likes, dislikes, wants, and customs of the recipient. But if it's just something small like a minor party favour, then not knowing that the gelatin in your small bag of marshmallows makes them inedible to Muslims is a less-serious slip up that I'm sure a lot of people would happily let slide.

On the other hand, if you receive something which is considered rude in your culture (e.g. at a Japanese wedding, if you don't give money, or if you give the wrong amount of money, it is a huge faux pas), then do the same you would for any other gift: thank them for the thought and effort (if it seems it was done out of ignorance and not thoughtlessness) and throw it out. Only if appropriate, take the time later to make the giver aware of the usual customs so that they don't embarrass themselves at other similar events. The article above is a good example of exactly how not to do this. I mean wow, talk about rude.

Sharnita

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If we are being 100% accurate, a wedding with 2 brides is not exactly old Italian tradition. Now nobody says you have to stick to tradition but then it seems really off for the bride to expect her non-Italian guest to know and follow Italian tradition when it comes to gift giving.

iridaceae

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As I've mentioned before, everyone in my family except me has coeliacs disease. Even youngest DD, 10, knows that if someone gives her a gift that is not gf she just thanks them, puts it to one side, and we deal with it later. And trust me she is NOT the poster child for good manners.

There are so many things wrong with this story it blows my mind.

The guest said that he'd seen them eating non-gluten free pasta earlier so I think the whole can't eat pasta thing is just another excuse to try and get money instead of the gift basket.