Author Topic: Where does the responsibility lie?  (Read 6712 times)

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Bluenomi

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #15 on: June 20, 2013, 08:31:29 PM »
Cats will be cats. Our house is cat proof and Isis knows not to jump on things yet last night she still managed to knock something off a bookshelf she shouldn't have been on and broke it (Poor Simba :( )

Your parents need at least attempt to cat proof the place and learn to deal with the fact cats break stuff.

Shoo

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2013, 10:53:27 PM »
Cats will be cats. Our house is cat proof and Isis knows not to jump on things yet last night she still managed to knock something off a bookshelf she shouldn't have been on and broke it (Poor Simba :( )

Your parents need at least attempt to cat proof the place and learn to deal with the fact cats break stuff.

I really agree with this.  If they're going to allow your cats in their house, they have to take some responsibility for keeping their stuff safe, besides just expecting you to monitor them 24/7.

cicero

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #17 on: June 20, 2013, 11:53:41 PM »
Is this maybe about you living with them? You say they live the cats, but maybe they were unprepared for the actual living with cats having cats that allow humans to live with them. Or maybe they are feeling resentment at having you move back in - you say it's just for a few months but it may be getting to them. Are there other areas of conflict- food, bathrooms, chores?

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Margo

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #18 on: June 21, 2013, 09:07:42 AM »
I'm with tream floor covering.

Also, have you considered getting really deep trays for the cats? A friend of mine who does cat rescue doesn't use cat litter pans at all. She uses plastic boxes -  this kind of thing http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001W97J8Y

They're deep enough that the chances of litter escaping is very much reduced (and also as the lip is above the cat's head, even if their aim is poor everything stays in the box) and they are much bigger, and cheaper, that the kind of purpose made litter trays which come with lids and cat doors.

Combine with plastic sheeting / newspaper to cover the carpet


Bexx27

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #19 on: June 21, 2013, 09:23:36 AM »
What about anchoring knick-knacks onto surfaces with museum gel so the cats won't knock them over? http://www.amazon.com/Quakehold-33111-Museum-Gel-Clear/dp/B0002V37XY
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Miss Tickle

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #20 on: June 21, 2013, 10:24:14 AM »
Cats will be cats. Our house is cat proof and Isis knows not to jump on things yet last night she still managed to knock something off a bookshelf she shouldn't have been on and broke it (Poor Simba :( )

Your parents need at least attempt to cat proof the place and learn to deal with the fact cats break stuff.

I really agree with this.  If they're going to allow your cats in their house, they have to take some responsibility for keeping their stuff safe, besides just expecting you to monitor them 24/7.

Or they could say, "Sorry dear, this isn't working out. Please find somewhere else to stay." So yes, the responsibility is yours, 100%. If you can't come to a compromise that leaves your landlords/parents happy you might have to make the difficult choice to move out and live within your means on your own terms or give up the cats. This shouldn't be something your parents just have to deal with, that's not fair to them.

bah12

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #21 on: June 21, 2013, 11:14:59 AM »
Technically, I don't think your parents have to take responsibility.  They've basically allowed you and your family (including the cats) to come live with them and have set certain conditions.  While it sounds like those conditions are nearly impossible to meet, they are what they are.  Your mother doesn't want to kitty proof her house and your dad doesn't want the litter box on carpet. 

Is there a bathroom in the house that only you and your husband use?  Can you relocate the litter box there and leave the cats there during the day?  I know it's not an ideal environment for them, but it seems it's either that, or try to convince your dad that a plastic floor covering in your room will alleviate his concerns about litter on the carpet (I hate that too, it is hard to vacuum it all out if the pile on the carpet is looser). 

I think if that suggestion doesn't work, your only other choice would be find them a temporary home until you can afford to move out.

bloo

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #22 on: June 22, 2013, 01:47:04 PM »
Is this maybe about you living with them? You say they live the cats, but maybe they were unprepared for the actual living with cats having cats that allow humans to live with them. Or maybe they are feeling resentment at having you move back in - you say it's just for a few months but it may be getting to them. Are there other areas of conflict- food, bathrooms, chores?

When I read the conditions your parents have set, I'm reading between the lines, "We don't want your cats (or maybe you) to live here but we don't want to have to say that out loud. So we're just going to make things so difficult that you'll leave or lose the cats."

I think the responsibility is yours and since conditions are impossible, find a temporary home for the kitties or all of you move out ASAP.

SoCalVal

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #23 on: June 22, 2013, 01:49:03 PM »
Technically, I don't think your parents have to take responsibility.  They've basically allowed you and your family (including the cats) to come live with them and have set certain conditions.  While it sounds like those conditions are nearly impossible to meet, they are what they are.  Your mother doesn't want to kitty proof her house and your dad doesn't want the litter box on carpet. 

Is there a bathroom in the house that only you and your husband use?  Can you relocate the litter box there and leave the cats there during the day?  I know it's not an ideal environment for them, but it seems it's either that, or try to convince your dad that a plastic floor covering in your room will alleviate his concerns about litter on the carpet (I hate that too, it is hard to vacuum it all out if the pile on the carpet is looser). 

I think if that suggestion doesn't work, your only other choice would be find them a temporary home until you can afford to move out.

Pod.

In answer to your question, it's THEIR house, and those are YOUR cats.  The responsibility is yours and your husband's absolutely.  In a perfect world, your parents would be totally up for adapting their house to fit your young cats, but that is obviously not the case.  Even if they were up to making the changes you'd like, it's still not their responsibility to adjust to accommodate your pets' behavior.  Given that, if it were me, the choice would be to let you know to either find another home for your cats temporarily or find another home for you, DH and your cats that will work with your needs.

I'm a bit curious about how you worded your first post when describing your parents:

My mom is one of those hoarders disguised as an enthusiastic decorator. Every flat service in the house is covered in breakable knickknacks and frames.

My dad is like Mr.Clean's OCD brother, so a litterbox in a carpeted room is something he will not allow, ever.

To me, these descriptions definitely slant quite a bit to the negative side.  This is your parents' house.  I don't actually get the impression that your mother's enthusiastic decorating exhibits hoarder tendencies, nor do I think your father not wanting a litter box in a carpeted room makes him like Mr. Clean's OCD brother (mind you, I am going off the examples you are giving, specifically).  Basically, I don't think their wishes are at all unreasonable nor are the practices in these examples unreasonable -- it is THEIR house after all; they can keep it as they see fit so if your dad doesn't want litter anywhere on the carpet and your mom's practice to cover all her flat surfaces with knicknacks works for them, then there are no problems there (if you'd said something more like "we all have to eat with our plates balanced on our laps and holding the drinking glass in one hand because the dining table is covered with stuff" or "Dad makes us take our shoes off outside, rinse our feet off with a hose, then stand on a towel and dry them off before coming inside the house" then I'd get more of where you are coming from with the extreme negative descriptions of them).  I will agree, though, that it makes things much more difficult for you, but, really, that's up to you and your husband to figure out how to work around their wishes if you want you two and your pets to continue availing yourselves of their hospitality.

I apologize if I sound harsh.  I'm slightly finding myself in the same boat (as far as trying to rein in cats).  DH and I bought a house last year, and my two senior cats are very messy creatures (one because he's more like a clumsy dog and the other because he will deliberately make a mess when he is upset with me about something).  I love my cats dearly, but I don't want them to take over our house.  The decision I've made (that meets with DH's approval) is that I'll get a large pen for them to stay in when we are not home (people do this with their dogs all the time).  So, anyway, I'm suggesting that, perhaps, you get a pen for your cats for when you are not home?  When you ARE home, well, you really will have to keep an eye on them the entire time; that is the cost of living at your parents' house with your cats.



NyaChan

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #24 on: June 22, 2013, 01:58:12 PM »
SoCalVal - how do you keep the cat from jumping or climbing out?  I've seen one go up what looked like a straight wall but darned if she didn't find a way up.

SoCalVal

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #25 on: June 22, 2013, 02:15:22 PM »
The pens I've been looking at have a top to them.  One cat is too heavy to jump out (and he's not about to climb unless he could go surface to surface until he reached the top if the top were open).  The other cat would be the concern and needs a full enclosure.  They wouldn't stay in the pen while we are home and awake (yes, they'd go into the pen at night when we are sleeping since we couldn't watch them then).



snowdragon

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #26 on: June 24, 2013, 11:40:03 AM »
surface is simple so ."


EDIT to add:

  My dad is like Mr.Clean's OCD brother, so a litterbox in a carpeted room is something he will not allow, ever. The room that the litterbox is a more open-style room, no doors or any way to enclose them in that room.


    I am as from mr clean as you can get with out living in flith....I would not allow a litterbox in a carpeted room either. You would NEVER get all the litter up out of the carpet.  And if your cats wouldn't train out of jumping on furniture- you'd be told that you and DH can stay but the cats can't, your choice as to how to handle it. 
    I don't see anything that your parents are doing that is unreasonable.

shhh its me

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #27 on: June 26, 2013, 10:36:35 PM »
   People out of love or obligation say yes to things they really can't do. 

Its not rude to not allow cat boxes on carpet , to refuse to move your belonging to accommodate a house guest or to tell a guest do let you pet or child break things.   

So the responsibility is still yours.  I think you can try the suggestions here ...adding a temporary surface to the bedroom , asking a friend to take the cats, crating them , keeping them in a bathroom with the little box when you are not actively engaged with them ect.  You can also speak t you parents and say " I can not keep the cats from jumping on the shelves. If we cant not do  A, B or C . the only way to keep more things from getting broken is to have the cats move"

peaches

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Re: Where does the responsibility lie?
« Reply #28 on: June 26, 2013, 10:53:39 PM »
[Or they could say, "Sorry dear, this isn't working out. Please find somewhere else to stay." So yes, the responsibility is yours, 100%. If you can't come to a compromise that leaves your landlords/parents happy you might have to make the difficult choice to move out and live within your means on your own terms or give up the cats. This shouldn't be something your parents just have to deal with, that's not fair to them.

I agree. Your parents don't owe you housing. They are trying to do you a favor. If it's not working out, it's up to you to make it work (to their satisfaction) or to move.

They may not have realized what it would be like living with cats. Sometimes a generous impulse turns out not to be such a good idea.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2013, 08:22:14 AM by peaches »