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Author Topic: When someone doesn't believe you.  (Read 13519 times)

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When someone doesn't believe you.
« on: June 22, 2013, 06:15:37 PM »
When you tell someone a fact and they say, "No, that's not true.  I have never had to do that.  That is not the way it works.'

Do you just drop it and let it go or do you prove yourself right?


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2013, 06:22:51 PM »
Depends on the person.  If it someone who enjoys a give and take and listens I will state my case.  If it is a stubborn know it all (looking at you dad!), I just move on.

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2013, 06:23:06 PM »
I think it would depend on circumstances. If the other person had dealt with the thing and I hadn't, I'd let it go. If I was describing something I had dealt with personally, whether my health or getting a sink fixed, I would probably say something like "you must have been lucky, then. When I had that problem, I did have to do that."

Part of putting it that way, if I was thinking clearly enough--catch me in the wrong mood, or on the wrong topic, and I might not--would be to point out that similar-seeming problems can be different in different circumstances, or for different people. Maybe her plumbing is newer, or he didn't get that 1/1000 nasty side effect. I would hope not to get to the point of explicitly asking "Why are you calling me a liar?" but a further "no, you're wrong" when I made clear that I was describing my personal experience rather than denying the validity of the other person's might get that answer. I will not "agree to disagree" with someone who wasn't there, when the subject is my life or my body.
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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2013, 06:23:23 PM »
I have someone in my life, who does this quite frequently.  I just drop it. 
I have no interest in arguing a point that someone is against and it really makes no difference to me if they change their mind or not.


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2013, 06:26:07 PM »
If it's a fact, and not an opinion: I drop it, unless it's something that really matters (like paying taxes in a way that's legal). I won't even respond, I'll just move on to another topic, since I don't want to lie and say that they might be right, and I don't want to get into an argument about something pointless.

I've had people tell me how to pronounce my own name (very common and standard, with only one pronunciation). Or things about my own life, like my phone number or husband's job. They absolutely do not know this better than I do. Just start talking about something else without response.

If someone is so ready to disagree when they have no evidence to support their argument, then they're not the kind of person who will change their mind with discussion. It's not worth the argument. However, if someone does this a lot, you might want to decrease the amount of time you spend with them, since the comment really just boils down to, "you are lying."
« Last Edit: June 22, 2013, 06:35:08 PM by Pen^2 »


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2013, 06:32:22 PM »
It depends.  There are a lot of things that people are able to do it with ease and in a certain way and for others it's extremely difficult.

I often say, "It's different for everyone."

If you are talking about, "Oh the sky is blue because of these gases."  And they say no it's because it's a reflection of the ocean.  Then at that point it depends on how well you know the person, will you see them again?  If not, let it go.  If it is, then I would explain further or take out my phone and google it for the person etc.


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2013, 07:00:44 PM »
It really depends on the topic and the person as well.  It's just not worth it to argue.  Some people are receptive to other people's expertise or experiences and others are not.  It happens the other way too, when they say something that is just patently false, whether I wish to push the issue just really depends on the person and topic. 

A lot of times it's really not worth the debate on personal experiences.  Hardcore facts, you can tell them to look it up. 

In any case, you don't want to be too pushy on your "rightness."  I'm sure many of us have run into people who will not drop it, even if you express you're no longer interested or you defer to their "knowledge" on the subject (which could be right or wrong, who knows).  I'd be more inclined to drop it over continuously pushing the issue.  This, of course excludes issues that may be harmful or dangerous, in which case, I will be more forceful. 

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2013, 08:01:58 PM »
I'd put on my nephew's T-shirt that says, 'If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong'.   ;D

If I absolutely know I'm right and can back it up, I will usually state my case one more time.  If the other person still insists that I'm wrong, I'll drop it and bean dip.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2013, 08:38:51 PM »
In the OP’s case, I would say:

“Well, that’s been my experience.”  Because it seems to fit the situation.

When it comes to fervently held opinions, I’ve used:

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think so.”

“I have a different opinion.”

“Some people believe that. I see it differently.”

I had one much-loved relative, who used to say, when contentious topics came up:

“You could be right.”

« Last Edit: June 22, 2013, 08:41:12 PM by peaches »


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2013, 08:48:47 PM »
I agree with the others that it depends on several factors. But often I ask myself "Does it matter?" If it's anywhere in the realm of no--if their being wrong doesn't endanger themselves or others--then I shrug and let it go. Not worth my time or effort.


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2013, 09:24:06 PM »
It depends -

Does this misinformation affect me?

Is this person going to teach "one of the lies my teacher told me" misconceptions to another generation?

Then I'll pull out my Ipad and if possible show them primary sources that prove my point. The times it gets really bad is when I'm in the lounge and ask something like where in the world did the 5th graders get the idea that AD means after death - and a lower grade teacher says but it does doesn't it. Coach told me later she nearly grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the lounge. She thought I was going to pop a gasket. Thankfully the other teacher accepted my explanation of what AD means and how it is used with grace.

If it doesn't meet those two criteria, I try to let it drop. I have to fight against the teacher instinct sometimes - especially at the zoo, museums, and such when I hear people giving their kids bad information.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2013, 09:27:09 PM by kherbert05 »
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #11 on: June 22, 2013, 09:38:16 PM »
It depends on their tone and how well I know them. If it's a superior tone, and I'm bound and determined to be a duck or I don't know them well,  I'll say "Well it did for me.  How did it turn out for you?"

If I'm a bit tired and don't feel like letting the water roll off my back, and it's someone I know well enough to be blunt, I might say "Well go ahead and enlighten me as to how you handled it so much better than I did." I don't recommend it as it is quite snarky but I do reserve it for the ones closest to me with whom I can be myself. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata


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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2013, 10:25:52 PM »
I've had this a fair number of times. My MO has gotten pretty clear on it: I will only debate the point if I respect the person. Generally the people I do not respect are the ones with whom an argument would be tiresome and worthless.

When I was younger and less confident I would say "Oh" as if they were right and move on. Now... I will still do that if someone is just sincerely convinced and is perhaps a bit young or ignorant and I don't want to embarrass them, but when people are being jerks I don't particularly want to give them that satisfaction. There is a way of doing a facial expression that says "Oh really, is that what you think? How quaint," even as you say "Oh" or "How interesting." Basically you just raise your eyebrows and look a tiny bit amused. They will hopefully get the message (and if they don't, others in the room will!) but because nothing you actually *said* objects to their point, they can't argue and that part of the conversation is ended.

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2013, 01:01:17 AM »
You mean like this?

Them: Who was the old guy in City Slickers. 
Me: Jack Palance.
Them: No, it was that other guy, the one in Cat Balou.
Them: What did you put in the carrots, they're delicious.
Me: Tarragon. 
Them: No, you didn't. I don't like tarragon.

Yes, these are quotes.

I made tarragon carrots, so I got the pot of water with the tarragon leaves in it and asked, "If this isn't tarragon, do you know what it is?”

With the movie I said "Cat Balou was Lee Marvin. Want me to check IMDB?” She declined because she knew what she was talking about and I didn't.  Ended up getting yelled at anyway because when she corrected someone else and they looked it up, it was my fault for making her look foolish.

I took up saying "Okay." Didn't work out much better:

Them: Is it X or Y?
Me: Y. 
Them: No, it's X. 
Me: Okay.
Them: I just want to know if it's X or Y!
Them: How did you do that? 
Me: Thusly. 
Them: No, you didn't. 
Me: Okay.
Them: Don't get mad, it was just a question, I only wanted to know how you did it.
Them: Who is that? 
Me: It's That Guy. 
Them: No, it's someone else.
Me: Okay.
Them: Can you answer the question or not? I don't see why you have to be difficult about it.



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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2013, 01:47:16 AM »
Depends on the person and situation.
Last week something came up re personalized car license plates. In Virginia the personalized plates cost ten dollars. Very inexpensive and big reason Virginia has more personalized plates than any other state in the US. Someone at work was taking about what a spendthrift someone they knew was, and the example given was they spent so much money on car license plate. I said that it was only ten dollars extra and I  knew because we had just gotten new plates for dh car. They wanted to argue, I told them they could look it up but I was right.
That person had to go to dept of motor vehicles the next week, and they sought me out to tell me I was right. I told them yes, my garage is decorated with old personalized plates we have had over the years.