Author Topic: When someone doesn't believe you.  (Read 5708 times)

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peaches

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #15 on: June 23, 2013, 07:05:36 AM »
You mean like this?

Them: Who was the old guy in City Slickers. 
Me: Jack Palance.
Them: No, it was that other guy, the one in Cat Balou.
 
Them: What did you put in the carrots, they're delicious.
Me: Tarragon. 
Them: No, you didn't. I don't like tarragon.

Yes, these are quotes.

I made tarragon carrots, so I got the pot of water with the tarragon leaves in it and asked, "If this isn't tarragon, do you know what it is?

With the movie I said "Cat Balou was Lee Marvin. Want me to check IMDB? She declined because she knew what she was talking about and I didn't.  Ended up getting yelled at anyway because when she corrected someone else and they looked it up, it was my fault for making her look foolish.

I took up saying "Okay." Didn't work out much better:

Them: Is it X or Y?
Me: Y. 
Them: No, it's X. 
Me: Okay.
Them: I just want to know if it's X or Y!
 
Them: How did you do that? 
Me: Thusly. 
Them: No, you didn't. 
Me: Okay.
Them: Don't get mad, it was just a question, I only wanted to know how you did it.
 
Them: Who is that? 
Me: It's That Guy. 
Them: No, it's someone else.
Me: Okay.
Them: Can you answer the question or not? I don't see why you have to be difficult about it.

Grrrr.

This is a person I would avoid.

perpetua

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #16 on: June 23, 2013, 07:20:13 AM »
Depends on the misinformation and who it's coming from.

Is it something that's going to be replicated? Does this particular piece of misinformation really matter in the grand scheme of things? Can you correct them gently without making them look foolish? Then I'd say you're OK. Otherwise I'd go for the "Okay then. Beandip?"

Redsoil

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #17 on: June 23, 2013, 07:44:07 AM »
How very timely.  My husband did this tonight.  Let's just say my response was not EHell approved at all. 

I do intensely dislike it when someone has NO knowledge of a subject at all, and yet will flat-out say "no, you're wrong".   Especially when I have considerable experience in the specific instance referenced.
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weeblewobble

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #18 on: June 23, 2013, 08:51:53 AM »
I love my FIL, I really do.  But for all of our accomplishments and life milestones we've met, he still sees DH and I as kids.  If we tell him we've made a decision based on research and our goals, he tells us that's not the way to go about it and we should do it the way he did it twenty years ago. If he asks us a question about something we have done (investments, home renovations, vacation planning), he says our way doesn't make sense and that's not the way it's done.  Half of the time he does it his own way and it doesn't work out and he doesn't understand why. 

We've learned that if he tells us that we're doing something wrong, just to nod and say, "OK, then." and then go about it the way we want to.  It usually works out fine and FIL doesn't comment. And if he asks us for advice and then tells us that's not the way it's done, just nod and say, "OK, then," and let him do what he wants and not comment on how it turns out.

Virg

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #19 on: June 23, 2013, 10:11:34 AM »
In the specific circumstance where someone asks me something and then argues with the answer, I'll respond, "Then why did you ask me?"  Beyond that, it really depends on the person, the subject and the method of proof.  If it's easy to prove then I'll try once with almost anyone.  If it's not (or proving it with an outside source doesn't work), then most times I'll drop it unless there's danger involved.  And to be honest, in a few cases even if there's danger involved I'll drop it.

Virg

Allyson

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #20 on: June 23, 2013, 10:39:58 AM »
Very much depends. If it's a fact like who a particular actor was, then they probably feel just as 'right' as you do, so either you can both let it go or Google it. I usually, in that case, will back off a little and say 'oh, maybe, but we should check! It's easy to get those things mixed up.' Rather than dig in your heels about a fact, when they are likely doing the same. Also, if you're wrong, then you won't look as silly. Though this does remind me of a situation with a coworker. We were debating whether or not male or female birds did a particular thing. I said male, she said female. We googled it, the answer was 'male birds', and she said "Ha! I was right!" I was like "...but you were saying it was female birds..." "Well, I meant male birds the whole time! I guess we were both right all along!" I just smiled and nodded.

If it's a situation about my life, I'll say "That hasn't been my experience" or something. Then just shrug and refuse to engage further. This situation is actually someone being obnoxious, rather than just wrong. :D

JacklynHyde

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #21 on: June 23, 2013, 12:21:47 PM »
When I worked in finance, one of the phrases I learned was, "To the best of my knowledge," followed by whatever information I had at hand.  That way, a client couldn't come back and claim I had given misleading information, because that TTBOMK phrase suggests the client should delve deeper on his or her own.  It's a phrase I continue to use and it minimizes argument.

PeterM

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #22 on: June 23, 2013, 12:52:33 PM »
For me, like others, it depends on a variety of factors, but the biggest would be my mood and the company. I can be stupid-stubborn about little idiocies like this, and I will happily go to the mattresses to defend the truth, no matter how unimportant said truth might be. The less important, in fact, the less likely I am to let it go. There are few things I hate more than willful ignorance, and I'd view it as a moral duty to slap some sense into someone like that. Metaphorically speaking.

That said, sometimes I'm just not in the mood. If that's the case I'll happily drop it, but no way will I do anything to indicate the wrong person is correct. It's also very much a know your audience thing. I can happily argue with an idiot until the cows come home, either in person or online, but I don't want to bore anyone else, or make them uncomfortable. So that's another reason I'd drop it, though again I wouldn't let the nimrod think I believed they were right.

Them: Who was the old guy in City Slickers. 
Me: Jack Palance.
Them: No, it was that other guy, the one in Cat Balou.

This is a good example of the kind of thing I'd refuse to drop. No one disses either Jack Palance or Lee Marvin on my watch.

SoCalVal

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #23 on: June 23, 2013, 01:32:43 PM »
It depends upon the person and how obnoxious he/she is being.

I once was discussing a meeting location with a coworker.

Him:  Meeting A is in the same room that Meeting B is in.
Me:  No, Meeting B is in Room X.
Him:  No, it's not.
Me:  Yes, it is.
Him:  No, Meeting B is in Room Y.
Me:  I've been attending Meeting B for the last few months.  I think I should know that Meeting B is in Room X.
Him:  Oh, did it change?
Me:  Why are you arguing with me about this?
Him:  I'm not arguing.  >:(

Idiot.  Just made himself look really stupid...again (seriously -- meeting I'd been attending for the last few months, multiple times a week, which he hadn't attended that entire time, and he was going to argue with me over where it's located???).

Years ago, I had another coworker do the same thing.  We kept going back and forth and, finally, this happened:

Me:  I'm not going to argue this point with you anymore.
Him:  That's because you know I'm right.
Me:  No, I don't.  I think it's a waste of time to keep going over this with you.
Him (in an offended tone):  Oh, gee, I'm such a waste of your time!

I said nothing, shrugged and went back to work.  I think our other two coworkers just cracked up.  Frankly, I didn't care that he was offended.  He certainly wasn't going to be left with the notion I stopped arguing with him because I was conceding he was correct.

Bottom line is -- if I think either a) the person is worth correcting or b) the topic is worth correcting, then I'll speak up.  Otherwise, I'm not going to waste my time and, if someone asks me, I'll admit it's not worthy my effort to address (Crazy Older Sister is one of those I will no longer waste time or effort on).



Miss Tickle

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #24 on: June 23, 2013, 09:54:20 PM »
You mean like this?

Them: Who was the old guy in City Slickers. 
Me: Jack Palance.
Them: No, it was that other guy, the one in Cat Balou.
 
Them: What did you put in the carrots, they're delicious.
Me: Tarragon. 
Them: No, you didn't. I don't like tarragon.

Yes, these are quotes.

I made tarragon carrots, so I got the pot of water with the tarragon leaves in it and asked, "If this isn't tarragon, do you know what it is?

With the movie I said "Cat Balou was Lee Marvin. Want me to check IMDB? She declined because she knew what she was talking about and I didn't.  Ended up getting yelled at anyway because when she corrected someone else and they looked it up, it was my fault for making her look foolish.

I took up saying "Okay." Didn't work out much better:

Them: Is it X or Y?
Me: Y. 
Them: No, it's X. 
Me: Okay.
Them: I just want to know if it's X or Y!
 
Them: How did you do that? 
Me: Thusly. 
Them: No, you didn't. 
Me: Okay.
Them: Don't get mad, it was just a question, I only wanted to know how you did it.
 
Them: Who is that? 
Me: It's That Guy. 
Them: No, it's someone else.
Me: Okay.
Them: Can you answer the question or not? I don't see why you have to be difficult about it.

Grrrr.

This is a person I would avoid.

I try; she's my Mother.

PeterM

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #25 on: June 23, 2013, 10:56:26 PM »
This is a person I would avoid.

I try; she's my Mother.

I'd disown my mother if she couldn't tell Lee Marvin and Jack Palance apart.

Mind you, I wouldn't have to. She'd disown herself as soon as she realized it.

Miss Tickle

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #26 on: June 24, 2013, 01:39:35 AM »
This is a person I would avoid.

I try; she's my Mother.

I'd disown my mother if she couldn't tell Lee Marvin and Jack Palance apart.

Mind you, I wouldn't have to. She'd disown herself as soon as she realized it.

Yes, well, I doubt your mother would pick a fight for the sake of picking a fight. Hence the "Okay." It's hard to fight with someone who agrees with you!

Dazi

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #27 on: June 24, 2013, 06:28:45 AM »
At my old job, I was the trainer for the store I worked in. I was giving a class in meeting room A to a room full of people from other locations, many of whom I had never met.  A reminder notice was sent out via email several days in advance letting people know how to get there, the meeting room location, what materials to bring with them, that snacks and lunches would be provided and what/where it was from, but they were welcome to bring their own lunch and snacks.  Keep in mind I was very young to be in the position I was and I looked even younger.

I am walking next to a group of people who were having difficulty locating the meeting room and was about to chime in just to follow me when Mr. know it all tells them it is on the complete opposite side of building.  I say something along the lines of "Actually, it's this way.  You can just follow me there.  I'm heading that way now".  Mr. Know it all starts berating me that I don't know what I'm talking about and needed to get back to my job "little Chickie".  I just let it go, for the time being, and smiled to myself.  One of the other guys started to tell him he really should listen to me and that I knew what I was talking about, but the guy got nasty to him too.

Boy, the look on his face when he realized I was the instructor was just freaking PRICELESS.  Since he didn't even bother trying to apologise, he also got a a writeup in his file and a very stern talking to from his manager on not to judge people by appearances.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #28 on: June 24, 2013, 07:19:02 AM »

Me:  I'm not going to argue this point with you anymore.
Him:  That's because you know I'm right.


To quote my favorite pirate, "Keep telling yourself that, darling."
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

lowspark

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Re: When someone doesn't believe you.
« Reply #29 on: June 24, 2013, 10:53:41 AM »
I once had a discussion with someone about something that could easily be looked up on the internet (this was before smart phones). We were at lunch so when we got back to the office, I looked it up and emailed her the multiple facts that proved my point. Her answer? We can just agree to disagree.

Ummm.... ok. I didn't push it further. Some people have to believe they are right regardless of the facts staring them right in the face.

A lot depends on who I'm disagreeing with and what it is we're disagreeing about. My (adult) kids, for example, we love to argue it out and take sides and look it up and gloat. It's all part of the family dynamic (all in fun, no real animosity or rancor).

Someone who is "Always Right", I just keep my mouth shut and forget about it.

I kind of take each situation on an individual basis.