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Author Topic: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)  (Read 625577 times)

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BarensMom

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #315 on: July 05, 2013, 02:03:33 PM »
Thank you for this thread! It makes me feel not so alone :)

I've always been a pretty good baker and I regularly make goods at home for DH and myself to enjoy.  I've also recently learned to quilt, having wanted to for years and finally got my first sewing machine in January.  Somehow, I got it into my head that in addition to a smaller purchased gift for SIL's birthday several months ago, I also wanted to make her a quilt since she's complained of always being cold in her apt, etc.  Plus I'm new to this craft and wanted to practice, and it gave me an excuse to buy more fabric  >:D

After spending more than $80 on materials (normal bday budget is $20, which SIL set the rule for) and 30 hours piecing and quilting, it was complete and DH and I both thought it was great. I'm not invited to their family time on the weekends so sent DH with the gifts for her and this is what he reported back to me:


SIL: (opening gifts) Oh... Is this a quilt? Did Raina make this?
DH: She sure did! We thought you could use it for the couch or something since you said you're always cold.
SIL: Well... It's very well coordinated...
DH: She spent weeks making it and designing it.
SIL: Where's my birthday cake? Did Raina make one for me?
DH: No, she didn't have time because she spent so much time on the quilt.
SIL: But I already told my co-workers that I'd share my cake with them!!

Iím getting hung up on why you would make someone who has events that you're not allowed to attend a quilt.

But after that conversation, I certainly wouldn't be baking, sewing, or buying for her ever again.

That, too. Are you the only excluded spouse, or is it bio family only?

I'm boggled that Raina's DH would go to an event where his wife wasn't welcome and that Raina is okay with that.

Amara

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #316 on: July 05, 2013, 02:11:34 PM »
Raina, are you not considered family? By your husband or his family? I am aghast at the idea.

rose red

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #317 on: July 05, 2013, 02:26:41 PM »
Even without the issue of the quilt, she expected you to make a cake for a party you were shut out off?  Why?  Because it's family?  Oh, wait...

BarensMom

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #318 on: July 05, 2013, 02:29:19 PM »
The post about the Red Cross quilt made me remember this story from my knitting instructor:

Instructor leads a group of volunteers to knit squares for "Warm Up America."  Instructor and others in the group will sometimes knit up to 25 coordinated squares to make 1 afghan, other times, it is a collection of random colors/styles/yarns grouped together.  All the resulting afghans were being donated to an abused women and children's shelter in the county.  That ended when she saw one of the coordinated afghans decorating the wall of the shelter director's office.  The afghans are now donated elsewhere.

Raina

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #319 on: July 05, 2013, 03:12:13 PM »
It's...an interesting situation, to say the least.  DH's family is insensitive? on many levels either by their ignorance, selfishness, or refusal to recognize that the world doesn't revolve around them.  DH is completely different from them and I think he is the way he is (laid back, responsible, loyal, etc) because they are the way they are.

Every weekend, he and SIL go over to MIL's house (FIL passed before DH and I got together) to hang out with her for a bit, DH helps around the house if needed, then he and SIL go work out together (she won't go without him).  This has been their routine for 15+ years? I'm not invited because they wouldn't think to and they're not welcoming to me so I wouldn't really want to.  DH has learned from our past experiences that when they exclude me from things, he's not supposed to be laid back about it and he's supposed to stick up for me, like when they blatantly didn't invite me to their Christmas gathering.  This particular thing though, I've never been asked to come over, and as it happens every single week, it's not worth causing a huge fuss over.

The in laws are prone to extreme drama and I try to save our efforts for the bigger grievances.  I chalk this up to this is how his family has done it for years and they're not going to change anytime soon.  Plus, if I'd been there in person, I'm not so sure I could've stopped evilRaina from speaking quite rudely.

Definitely no more handmade (or handbaked!) gifts for people who don't appreciate them though!

I think SIL was wanting another creation similar to the 7 layer chocolate truffle cake I made as her gift on a different year.  You'd think I'd learn to stop hoping his family would appreciate anything  ;D

Cami

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #320 on: July 05, 2013, 03:21:22 PM »
Even without the issue of the quilt, she expected you to make a cake for a party you were shut out off?  Why?  Because it's family?  Oh, wait...
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

FauxFoodist

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #321 on: July 05, 2013, 04:15:45 PM »
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

I remember you posting about this before.  I recall being very impressed with your calm, cool response to that snowflake.

nayberry

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #322 on: July 05, 2013, 04:19:45 PM »
It's...an interesting situation, to say the least.  DH's family is insensitive? on many levels either by their ignorance, selfishness, or refusal to recognize that the world doesn't revolve around them.  DH is completely different from them and I think he is the way he is (laid back, responsible, loyal, etc) because they are the way they are.

Every weekend, he and SIL go over to MIL's house (FIL passed before DH and I got together) to hang out with her for a bit, DH helps around the house if needed, then he and SIL go work out together (she won't go without him).  This has been their routine for 15+ years? I'm not invited because they wouldn't think to and they're not welcoming to me so I wouldn't really want to.  DH has learned from our past experiences that when they exclude me from things, he's not supposed to be laid back about it and he's supposed to stick up for me, like when they blatantly didn't invite me to their Christmas gathering.  This particular thing though, I've never been asked to come over, and as it happens every single week, it's not worth causing a huge fuss over.

The in laws are prone to extreme drama and I try to save our efforts for the bigger grievances.  I chalk this up to this is how his family has done it for years and they're not going to change anytime soon.  Plus, if I'd been there in person, I'm not so sure I could've stopped evilRaina from speaking quite rudely.

Definitely no more handmade (or handbaked!) gifts for people who don't appreciate them though!

I think SIL was wanting another creation similar to the 7 layer chocolate truffle cake I made as her gift on a different year.  You'd think I'd learn to stop hoping his family would appreciate anything  ;D


in that case DH gets his family presents, i wouldn't waste another moment on them
baby berry arrived june 2016

Elfmama

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #323 on: July 05, 2013, 06:22:50 PM »
It's...an interesting situation, to say the least.  DH's family is insensitive? on many levels either by their ignorance, selfishness, or refusal to recognize that the world doesn't revolve around them.  DH is completely different from them and I think he is the way he is (laid back, responsible, loyal, etc) because they are the way they are.

Every weekend, he and SIL go over to MIL's house (FIL passed before DH and I got together) to hang out with her for a bit, DH helps around the house if needed, then he and SIL go work out together (she won't go without him).  This has been their routine for 15+ years? I'm not invited because they wouldn't think to and they're not welcoming to me so I wouldn't really want to.  DH has learned from our past experiences that when they exclude me from things, he's not supposed to be laid back about it and he's supposed to stick up for me, like when they blatantly didn't invite me to their Christmas gathering.  This particular thing though, I've never been asked to come over, and as it happens every single week, it's not worth causing a huge fuss over.

The in laws are prone to extreme drama and I try to save our efforts for the bigger grievances.  I chalk this up to this is how his family has done it for years and they're not going to change anytime soon.  Plus, if I'd been there in person, I'm not so sure I could've stopped evilRaina from speaking quite rudely.

Definitely no more handmade (or handbaked!) gifts for people who don't appreciate them though!

I think SIL was wanting another creation similar to the 7 layer chocolate truffle cake I made as her gift on a different year.  You'd think I'd learn to stop hoping his family would appreciate anything  ;D


in that case DH gets his family presents, i wouldn't waste another moment on them
Yep.  Not your circus, not your monkey.  HE gets to buy their cards, buy their gifts, keep up with their schedule.  You can resign from being his social secretary. 

Do you mean that you have NEVER had a weekend to yourselves? 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

dawnfire

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #324 on: July 05, 2013, 06:49:08 PM »
Thank you for this thread! It makes me feel not so alone :)

I've always been a pretty good baker and I regularly make goods at home for DH and myself to enjoy.  I've also recently learned to quilt, having wanted to for years and finally got my first sewing machine in January.  Somehow, I got it into my head that in addition to a smaller purchased gift for SIL's birthday several months ago, I also wanted to make her a quilt since she's complained of always being cold in her apt, etc.  Plus I'm new to this craft and wanted to practice, and it gave me an excuse to buy more fabric  >:D

After spending more than $80 on materials (normal bday budget is $20, which SIL set the rule for) and 30 hours piecing and quilting, it was complete and DH and I both thought it was great. I'm not invited to their family time on the weekends so sent DH with the gifts for her and this is what he reported back to me:


SIL: (opening gifts) Oh... Is this a quilt? Did Raina make this?
DH: She sure did! We thought you could use it for the couch or something since you said you're always cold.
SIL: Well... It's very well coordinated...
DH: She spent weeks making it and designing it.
SIL: Where's my birthday cake? Did Raina make one for me?
DH: No, she didn't have time because she spent so much time on the quilt.
SIL: But I already told my co-workers that I'd share my cake with them!!

so you're not invited but she wants your cake? well there'll be no more quilts or cakes again
Whittlesea Victoria

Cami

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #325 on: July 05, 2013, 07:45:52 PM »
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

I remember you posting about this before.  I recall being very impressed with your calm, cool response to that snowflake.
Thanks. (I think... Don't mean to repeat myself and bore people!)  I'm not sure what enabled me to be so calm about it because really that was so atrocious of her. I think, however, it may have been THE moment when those wise words hit home, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." It's a choice we all can make, whether to be a doormat or not. I choose "not". And a positive consequence is that the more you refuse to be a doormat, the better you get treated. Allow people to treat  you with disrespect and they learn to step on you harder and harder. Refuse and they back away.

FauxFoodist

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #326 on: July 05, 2013, 11:37:13 PM »
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

I remember you posting about this before.  I recall being very impressed with your calm, cool response to that snowflake.
Thanks. (I think... Don't mean to repeat myself and bore people!)  I'm not sure what enabled me to be so calm about it because really that was so atrocious of her. I think, however, it may have been THE moment when those wise words hit home, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." It's a choice we all can make, whether to be a doormat or not. I choose "not". And a positive consequence is that the more you refuse to be a doormat, the better you get treated. Allow people to treat  you with disrespect and they learn to step on you harder and harder. Refuse and they back away.

Oh, no -- I never thought you were boring to tell the story again!  It is one of those wonderful moments when someone thinks of the perfect thing to say in the middle of an SS situation and says it.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #327 on: July 06, 2013, 02:00:28 AM »
The post about the Red Cross quilt made me remember this story from my knitting instructor:

Instructor leads a group of volunteers to knit squares for "Warm Up America."  Instructor and others in the group will sometimes knit up to 25 coordinated squares to make 1 afghan, other times, it is a collection of random colors/styles/yarns grouped together.  All the resulting afghans were being donated to an abused women and children's shelter in the county.  That ended when she saw one of the coordinated afghans decorating the wall of the shelter director's office.  The afghans are now donated elsewhere.

Wasn't there also a story on this forum about someone who made beautiful afghans to donate to charity, and discovered that the person in charge of delivering collected donations to the charity had taken all the lovely afghans to decorate her house? I remember being horrified and angered by that!


ETA: Ha! Found it! http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=25990.0
« Last Edit: July 06, 2013, 02:16:28 AM by Mel the Redcap »
"Set aphasia to stun!"

Doll Fiend

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #328 on: July 09, 2013, 12:41:22 AM »
So I am currently in the hospital and bored out of my mind. Thankfully I have EHell and some socks I am working on. Even though I do have associated pain with my craft work, I try to not let that stop me. With the pain meds for other reasons I am able to work quite steadily knitting up these socks.

Now my nurse and I have been talking and I guess word got around about me doing some knitting. I have met other knitters because of this. And I met a Mooch. She was trying to get me to give me the socks I was knitting, because in her words, I could make more easily. This was a nurse, not mine thankfully. I couldn't help but laugh and tell her no, that it would not be possible.
BTW, these socks are for my Mom and are costing me at min $15 in materials. A lot for some one who doesn't have a steady income.

snowflake

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Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #329 on: July 09, 2013, 10:11:45 AM »
On a slightly related note, I make hats/baby clothes out of my leftovers so I don't end up with boxes and boxes of remnants.  (BTDT)  I've found out that the clients at the local food bank are much more thankful for my work than most acquaintances.  My friend runs the place so I know how they react.

There are lots of people who think that I'm just a hat machine and had the materials anyway.  But the food bank clients understand that the items are special.  The hand-knit items are so much more popular than the mass-produced ones.

I'm thankful my friend would never raid the stash, but then she knows I'll knit for her.