News: IMPORTANT UPDATE REGARDING SITE IN FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT FOLDER.

  • May 20, 2018, 07:26:28 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)  (Read 736704 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Cami

  • Member
  • Posts: 1052
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #315 on: July 05, 2013, 03:21:22 PM »
Even without the issue of the quilt, she expected you to make a cake for a party you were shut out off?  Why?  Because it's family?  Oh, wait...
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

FauxFoodist

  • Member
  • Posts: 5015
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #316 on: July 05, 2013, 04:15:45 PM »
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

I remember you posting about this before.  I recall being very impressed with your calm, cool response to that snowflake.

nayberry

  • Member
  • Posts: 775
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #317 on: July 05, 2013, 04:19:45 PM »
It's...an interesting situation, to say the least.  DH's family is insensitive? on many levels either by their ignorance, selfishness, or refusal to recognize that the world doesn't revolve around them.  DH is completely different from them and I think he is the way he is (laid back, responsible, loyal, etc) because they are the way they are.

Every weekend, he and SIL go over to MIL's house (FIL passed before DH and I got together) to hang out with her for a bit, DH helps around the house if needed, then he and SIL go work out together (she won't go without him).  This has been their routine for 15+ years? I'm not invited because they wouldn't think to and they're not welcoming to me so I wouldn't really want to.  DH has learned from our past experiences that when they exclude me from things, he's not supposed to be laid back about it and he's supposed to stick up for me, like when they blatantly didn't invite me to their Christmas gathering.  This particular thing though, I've never been asked to come over, and as it happens every single week, it's not worth causing a huge fuss over.

The in laws are prone to extreme drama and I try to save our efforts for the bigger grievances.  I chalk this up to this is how his family has done it for years and they're not going to change anytime soon.  Plus, if I'd been there in person, I'm not so sure I could've stopped evilRaina from speaking quite rudely.

Definitely no more handmade (or handbaked!) gifts for people who don't appreciate them though!

I think SIL was wanting another creation similar to the 7 layer chocolate truffle cake I made as her gift on a different year.  You'd think I'd learn to stop hoping his family would appreciate anything  ;D


in that case DH gets his family presents, i wouldn't waste another moment on them
baby berry arrived june 2016

Elfmama

  • Member
  • Posts: 4595
  • Derailing threads since 2001!
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #318 on: July 05, 2013, 06:22:50 PM »
It's...an interesting situation, to say the least.  DH's family is insensitive? on many levels either by their ignorance, selfishness, or refusal to recognize that the world doesn't revolve around them.  DH is completely different from them and I think he is the way he is (laid back, responsible, loyal, etc) because they are the way they are.

Every weekend, he and SIL go over to MIL's house (FIL passed before DH and I got together) to hang out with her for a bit, DH helps around the house if needed, then he and SIL go work out together (she won't go without him).  This has been their routine for 15+ years? I'm not invited because they wouldn't think to and they're not welcoming to me so I wouldn't really want to.  DH has learned from our past experiences that when they exclude me from things, he's not supposed to be laid back about it and he's supposed to stick up for me, like when they blatantly didn't invite me to their Christmas gathering.  This particular thing though, I've never been asked to come over, and as it happens every single week, it's not worth causing a huge fuss over.

The in laws are prone to extreme drama and I try to save our efforts for the bigger grievances.  I chalk this up to this is how his family has done it for years and they're not going to change anytime soon.  Plus, if I'd been there in person, I'm not so sure I could've stopped evilRaina from speaking quite rudely.

Definitely no more handmade (or handbaked!) gifts for people who don't appreciate them though!

I think SIL was wanting another creation similar to the 7 layer chocolate truffle cake I made as her gift on a different year.  You'd think I'd learn to stop hoping his family would appreciate anything  ;D


in that case DH gets his family presents, i wouldn't waste another moment on them
Yep.  Not your circus, not your monkey.  HE gets to buy their cards, buy their gifts, keep up with their schedule.  You can resign from being his social secretary. 

Do you mean that you have NEVER had a weekend to yourselves? 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

dawnfire

  • Member
  • Posts: 846
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #319 on: July 05, 2013, 06:49:08 PM »
Thank you for this thread! It makes me feel not so alone :)

I've always been a pretty good baker and I regularly make goods at home for DH and myself to enjoy.  I've also recently learned to quilt, having wanted to for years and finally got my first sewing machine in January.  Somehow, I got it into my head that in addition to a smaller purchased gift for SIL's birthday several months ago, I also wanted to make her a quilt since she's complained of always being cold in her apt, etc.  Plus I'm new to this craft and wanted to practice, and it gave me an excuse to buy more fabric  >:D

After spending more than $80 on materials (normal bday budget is $20, which SIL set the rule for) and 30 hours piecing and quilting, it was complete and DH and I both thought it was great. I'm not invited to their family time on the weekends so sent DH with the gifts for her and this is what he reported back to me:


SIL: (opening gifts) Oh... Is this a quilt? Did Raina make this?
DH: She sure did! We thought you could use it for the couch or something since you said you're always cold.
SIL: Well... It's very well coordinated...
DH: She spent weeks making it and designing it.
SIL: Where's my birthday cake? Did Raina make one for me?
DH: No, she didn't have time because she spent so much time on the quilt.
SIL: But I already told my co-workers that I'd share my cake with them!!

so you're not invited but she wants your cake? well there'll be no more quilts or cakes again
Whittlesea Victoria

Cami

  • Member
  • Posts: 1052
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #320 on: July 05, 2013, 07:45:52 PM »
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

I remember you posting about this before.  I recall being very impressed with your calm, cool response to that snowflake.
Thanks. (I think... Don't mean to repeat myself and bore people!)  I'm not sure what enabled me to be so calm about it because really that was so atrocious of her. I think, however, it may have been THE moment when those wise words hit home, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." It's a choice we all can make, whether to be a doormat or not. I choose "not". And a positive consequence is that the more you refuse to be a doormat, the better you get treated. Allow people to treat  you with disrespect and they learn to step on you harder and harder. Refuse and they back away.

FauxFoodist

  • Member
  • Posts: 5015
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #321 on: July 05, 2013, 11:37:13 PM »
Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I threw a bridal shower for my assistant at work. A few days later, a staff member at the shower asked me if I'd throw a bridal shower for her. I was nonplussed as she'd made no bones about her dislike of me. So I responded, "Oh. Does that mean I'm invited to your wedding?"  She looked shocked and aghast and blurted out, "Of course not! You just throw the best parties and I want my shower to be the best, so I want you to throw it." I quoted her a fee for event planning. Let's just say she declined.

I remember you posting about this before.  I recall being very impressed with your calm, cool response to that snowflake.
Thanks. (I think... Don't mean to repeat myself and bore people!)  I'm not sure what enabled me to be so calm about it because really that was so atrocious of her. I think, however, it may have been THE moment when those wise words hit home, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." It's a choice we all can make, whether to be a doormat or not. I choose "not". And a positive consequence is that the more you refuse to be a doormat, the better you get treated. Allow people to treat  you with disrespect and they learn to step on you harder and harder. Refuse and they back away.

Oh, no -- I never thought you were boring to tell the story again!  It is one of those wonderful moments when someone thinks of the perfect thing to say in the middle of an SS situation and says it.

Mel the Redcap

  • Scheming Foreign Hussy married to a Good Ethnic Boy!
  • Member
  • Posts: 2426
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #322 on: July 06, 2013, 02:00:28 AM »
The post about the Red Cross quilt made me remember this story from my knitting instructor:

Instructor leads a group of volunteers to knit squares for "Warm Up America."  Instructor and others in the group will sometimes knit up to 25 coordinated squares to make 1 afghan, other times, it is a collection of random colors/styles/yarns grouped together.  All the resulting afghans were being donated to an abused women and children's shelter in the county.  That ended when she saw one of the coordinated afghans decorating the wall of the shelter director's office.  The afghans are now donated elsewhere.

Wasn't there also a story on this forum about someone who made beautiful afghans to donate to charity, and discovered that the person in charge of delivering collected donations to the charity had taken all the lovely afghans to decorate her house? I remember being horrified and angered by that!


ETA: Ha! Found it! http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=25990.0
« Last Edit: July 06, 2013, 02:16:28 AM by Mel the Redcap »
"Set aphasia to stun!"

Doll Fiend

  • Member
  • Posts: 697
  • The Dolls are in the Garden and in my Head.
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #323 on: July 09, 2013, 12:41:22 AM »
So I am currently in the hospital and bored out of my mind. Thankfully I have EHell and some socks I am working on. Even though I do have associated pain with my craft work, I try to not let that stop me. With the pain meds for other reasons I am able to work quite steadily knitting up these socks.

Now my nurse and I have been talking and I guess word got around about me doing some knitting. I have met other knitters because of this. And I met a Mooch. She was trying to get me to give me the socks I was knitting, because in her words, I could make more easily. This was a nurse, not mine thankfully. I couldn't help but laugh and tell her no, that it would not be possible.
BTW, these socks are for my Mom and are costing me at min $15 in materials. A lot for some one who doesn't have a steady income.

snowflake

  • Member
  • Posts: 1482
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #324 on: July 09, 2013, 10:11:45 AM »
On a slightly related note, I make hats/baby clothes out of my leftovers so I don't end up with boxes and boxes of remnants.  (BTDT)  I've found out that the clients at the local food bank are much more thankful for my work than most acquaintances.  My friend runs the place so I know how they react.

There are lots of people who think that I'm just a hat machine and had the materials anyway.  But the food bank clients understand that the items are special.  The hand-knit items are so much more popular than the mass-produced ones.

I'm thankful my friend would never raid the stash, but then she knows I'll knit for her.

Slartibartfast

  • Member
  • Posts: 10801
    • Nerdy Necklaces - my Etsy shop!
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #325 on: July 09, 2013, 11:58:12 AM »
On a slightly related note, I make hats/baby clothes out of my leftovers so I don't end up with boxes and boxes of remnants.  (BTDT)  I've found out that the clients at the local food bank are much more thankful for my work than most acquaintances.  My friend runs the place so I know how they react.

There are lots of people who think that I'm just a hat machine and had the materials anyway.  But the food bank clients understand that the items are special.  The hand-knit items are so much more popular than the mass-produced ones.

I'm thankful my friend would never raid the stash, but then she knows I'll knit for her.

I think the difference is, when you're in a situation where you're relying on the food bank, you don't get a whole lot of choice in your life.  You're reliant on other people to decide which food you're given, your clothes are chosen from whatever fits at the cheapest thrift stores, and even things like where you live and how many people you live with are aspects of your life you have no power to change because you don't have the money to move if you don't like where you are.  Everything you own or use is mass-produced, usually cheap quality, and you don't have the cash to go treat yourself every once in a while just to get away from the feeling of being second-hand.  Those hand-made hats and clothes are probably a real high point in those parents' lives, because they may very well be the only one-of-a-kind *made just for them* items at that time in their lives.  Everyone wants the best for their children, and it's very, very hard to not have the power to even decide what to skimp and what to splurge on.

FauxFoodist

  • Member
  • Posts: 5015
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #326 on: July 09, 2013, 02:06:18 PM »
I used to bake a lot years ago, but I usually didn't eat what I made (too much product) so I would give them to a friend so he could share them with his coworkers.  I once commented on being happy to bake new things and have someone to give them to, and Friend said, "Gee, it must be nice to use my coworkers as guinea pigs" (my baking was perfectly fine).  I looked at him and said rather evenly, "If you feel that way, then I won't bother making things anymore that you could give to them."  I never gave Friend baked goods again (I kept baking; I just gave my baked goods to other people).  Friend did still get to partake of my cooking and baking over the next few years but never received any batches of anything from me again.

Another time, Friend asked me to design a website for him.  I told him I didn't feel like it.  Friend then said, "Gee, for someone who wants to do this for a living, I'd think you'd jump on the chance to do this."  Again, I looked at him and said in an even tone, "You're right; I DO want to do this for a living.  If you want me to design a website for you, then you need to pay me."  Friend just gave me a look.  Never heard about it again.

I haven't seen "Friend" in almost three years (the last straw was when he got pissed at me because he thought I should hold him as more important than then-DF).

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 12217
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #327 on: July 09, 2013, 03:58:02 PM »
^Somehow, I think you have managed quite nicely without "friend".
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

FauxFoodist

  • Member
  • Posts: 5015
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #328 on: July 10, 2013, 01:19:38 AM »
^Somehow, I think you have managed quite nicely without "friend".

Sadly, I'd have to agree.  I spent ten years thinking that this middle-aged man (then in his 30s but now in his 40s) was going to grow up, but I realized, about six years ago, that that wasn't going to happen (he is the epitome of Special Snowflake).  Oh, well!

MariaE

  • Member
  • Posts: 5085
  • So many books, so little time
Re: But ... But ... It's Not Like It's Work! (Craft Freebies)
« Reply #329 on: July 11, 2013, 03:05:14 AM »
I've recently taken up knitting and am getting good enough to knit for others. Fortunately I haven't met any moochers yet :) Well, my nieblings are constantly asking me to knit stuff for them, but they're either satisfied with things I can make out of scrap yarn or my sister pays for the yarn. Besides, they are SO appreciative of everything I make that I pretty much jump at the chance to knit them something. I'm vain like that ;) (seriously, my oldest niece loved the fingerless mittens I made her she even wore them at my other sister's wedding, and my nephew loved the hat so much he asked me to make it bigger when he outgrew it! That's the way to an auntie's heart :) )

I did find the timing amusing though, when I woke up this morning to a comment on a post I'd made comparing knitting to reading, saying "But do you take knitting requests? THAT is the real question????" (She's a close friend, so from her I do, but I still laughed at the timing ;) ).
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice