Author Topic: Correct action or Over reaction?  (Read 14804 times)

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*inviteseller

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #30 on: June 24, 2013, 01:34:03 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I was not crazy or abusive though.  I did not run but I walked quickly so he could see me.  My tone was very sharp, but I was not a screaming harridan nor was I abusive.    I have a long driveway that goes down the side of my house.  I started up it the same time I heard the music and saw my DD at the rail...she was looking at me but she did glance at the truck.  She knows I will not buy from them (a lot of people have told me they have gotten bad ice cream..old or half melted) and she would never wave anyone down.  I am not paranoid as far as the stranger danger thing.  I just make sure my kids are aware of their surroundings and what phrases to look for and to use.  As far as my descriptions, I would think if you are going to have people selling your ice cream (former BIL does this job), you might tell your drivers to wash their hair and not wear stained torn clothes (he got out of the truck the one day to check a tire and I was shocked at his appearance as far as selling food stuff).  We are outside in the yard a lot and so are all the neighbor kids and I have never seen him slow down and ask other kids if they want any ice cream,and he has never slowed down before when I have been out there,  he usually only stops when someone waves him down from the curb so it just set my hinky meter off (and it would have no matter how he looked) to call to an 'unattended'  child who is on her porch that is no where near the road.  But I will just go back to ignoring his trips through the neighborhood, although I wish he would get a new song!

Roe

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #31 on: June 24, 2013, 01:34:32 PM »
Your response was quite rude and obnoxious.  Maybe you see every man with ill-fitting clothes and/or greasy hair as a molester?

I'm all for protecting children, some even say I'm overprotective (and I probably am!) but even I think you crossed a line from protective parent to raging, crazy parent. 

"No thank you" said in a pretty flat, stern voice would have been suffient. Going on as you did...way, way over the line. 

JoieGirl7

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #32 on: June 24, 2013, 01:34:55 PM »
If the OP had been in sight, I would agree with you.  The fact that DD was there, apparently by herself, is what sends this into creepy territory for me.
But... I just explained that his assumption was probably that the OP was still in the house fetching money, while the daughter flagged him down.

But, she wasn't flagging him down.  She was just standing on her porch.  There was no basis for him to make that assumption.

Hence why he asked.

That makes no sense.  You said he made an assumption that an adult was off getting money while she was flagging him down when she wasn't doing that.

If she is not signalling to him in any way, he has no basis to talk to her.  And he doesn't get to ask if she is signalling to him by simply standing on her porch.

Nothing in her behavior indicate that an adult is going to appear with money.  And if he thinks that might be the case, then he can slow down or stop and wait.  But, he shouldnt be talking to the kid.



bopper

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #33 on: June 24, 2013, 01:36:26 PM »
Something set off your creep-o-meter.
I am imagining it is because the purpose of the song of the truck is to say "I am selling ice cream if you want some". It is up to you to respond if you want some.
By him talking directly to your daughter, he went over the line of indirect communication to direct communication....directly talking to a kid who was not with a parent and who was not in public view and was not actively taking steps to buy ice cream.

Would a legit ice-cream seller do that? maaayybeee
Would a non-legit ice-cream seller do that to lure kids? maaaybeeee

Perhaps you could call the non-emergency police line and ask what there expectations are for ice cream trucks directly soliciting little kids.

Lynn2000

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #34 on: June 24, 2013, 01:37:41 PM »
I have to go with overreaction as well. Considering he was still inside the vehicle, probably twenty or thirty feet away from DD, and said nothing more than, "Hey, do you want some ice cream?" in his capacity as a known ice cream vendor, I think this is reasonable behavior.

Certainly I could see someone being bothered that a stranger (though not really, this is his regular route) spoke to their child when an adult appeared to not be present. But given the entire circumstance, I think appearing and saying, "No, thank you, no ice cream for us," would have been sufficient. You could even have said, "No, thank you, we don't eat ice cream, so no need for you to ask again." Raising one's voice, implying an unsavory accusation, and ordering him to never come back seem a little over the top to me.
~Lynn2000

Sharnita

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #35 on: June 24, 2013, 01:42:25 PM »
If you can look at his clothes and hair and jump to "pothead", somebody else might se or hear you and jump to "crazy/abusive/snob".

Amava

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #36 on: June 24, 2013, 01:43:29 PM »
If the OP had been in sight, I would agree with you.  The fact that DD was there, apparently by herself, is what sends this into creepy territory for me.
But... I just explained that his assumption was probably that the OP was still in the house fetching money, while the daughter flagged him down.

But, she wasn't flagging him down.  She was just standing on her porch.  There was no basis for him to make that assumption.

Hence why he asked.

That makes no sense.  You said he made an assumption that an adult was off getting money while she was flagging him down when she wasn't doing that.

If she is not signalling to him in any way, he has no basis to talk to her.  And he doesn't get to ask if she is signalling to him by simply standing on her porch.

Nothing in her behavior indicate that an adult is going to appear with money.  And if he thinks that might be the case, then he can slow down or stop and wait.  But, he shouldnt be talking to the kid.

She didn't say that, /I/ said that.

And sorry but yes, something in her behavior indicated that she might have been standing there to flag him down and that an adult was going to (maybe) appear with money. Namely, the fact that she was standing there on the porch.

If a selling truck comes by, and I stand on my porch, is it such a stretch to think that I'm standing there /waiting/ for him?

And all this about "shouldn't be talking to the kid"... sorry but that is not universal at all.

Girly

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #37 on: June 24, 2013, 01:44:14 PM »
I've never seen an ice cream truck driver call out to kids on the route.  Does he do this all the time? OP's reaction might be on the strong side but I wouldn't have been happy about it either.  My 'No thanks' would have been in a very cold tone.

I grew up in a large city, but now live in a small town.

I have seen drivers both totally stop in the middle of a park (understandable and in the middle of the small town) and call out to people on streets while driving slowly (in large city).

I also think he was just doing his job. He asked her if she wanted some ice cream, not to get in the truck with him and go for a ride.

o_gal

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #38 on: June 24, 2013, 01:47:22 PM »
While you may have over-reacted, I think you had the right idea to reprimand him. He was an adult, in a vehicle (one which likely does not have any windows), which has pulled over to the side of the road, and he is calling out to a small child about whether the child would like to have <insert special treat>. This is exactly the scenario that parents teach their children to avoid, and to find their parent or an adult if it happens to them. It's one of the few potential child endangerment scenarios that actually happens to real kids in real life (we had an incident here not so long ago.) So even though he is just doing his job,  he's unwittingly doing the one thing that parents panic about.

In this case, I would be contacting the ice cream company and expressing all of the above. Not to get him into trouble, but to make them aware that their employees are doing this.

Curious Cat

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #39 on: June 24, 2013, 01:50:10 PM »
While you may have over-reacted, I think you had the right idea to reprimand him. He was an adult, in a vehicle (one which likely does not have any windows), which has pulled over to the side of the road, and he is calling out to a small child about whether the child would like to have <insert special treat>. This is exactly the scenario that parents teach their children to avoid, and to find their parent or an adult if it happens to them. It's one of the few potential child endangerment scenarios that actually happens to real kids in real life (we had an incident here not so long ago.) So even though he is just doing his job,  he's unwittingly doing the one thing that parents panic about.

In this case, I would be contacting the ice cream company and expressing all of the above. Not to get him into trouble, but to make them aware that their employees are doing this.

Every single Ice Cream truck I have ever seen has a large window on the side - how else would they sell the ice cream?

I'll just add my voice to the chorus that thinks that not only did the OP completely overreact she was fairly snobby in her descriptions here.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2013, 01:53:23 PM by Curious Cat »

JoieGirl7

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #40 on: June 24, 2013, 01:53:32 PM »
I don't think its fair to castigate the OP for her description of the driver.  You got the picture right?

If you want to blame someone for the stereotype, blame Hollywood or Keanu Reeves, or even Sean Penn.

I don't understand how it adds to the discussion to scold her and say that if she uses such a stereotype that she should then be subjected to a mischaracteriation of her own behavior.

OPs are cautioned to provide as much information as possible.  This is not the first time I have seen posters complain about how someone was characterized or complained that some aspect of a person was decribed at all.

The topic of the thread is about whether or not ice cream truck drivers can directly solicit children and what responses to that might or might not be.  Not quibbling over how the driver was described.

Arguing about how something is described just because you don't like it (not that it was inaccurate and led the story astray) makes the discussion about the disccusion instead of about the topic.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2013, 01:55:49 PM by Audrey Quest »

gen xer

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #41 on: June 24, 2013, 01:57:14 PM »
In general I think parents ( and I am a parent of young children too - in fact with a DD the same age as OP ) are waaaay over the top with respect to being paranoid about stranger danger.  In OP's defense I don't think she was intentionally rude but reacting in the way a lot of parents have been conditioned to react.

That being said think about how incredibly hurtful and offensive it is to have someone think that an innocuous call to a young child in the course of your job is cause to instantly become a suspected pedophile. 

We really need to start reining our hypersensitive "hinky meters" in because they are out of control.

*inviteseller

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #42 on: June 24, 2013, 01:58:47 PM »
OK, I am getting (rightfully??) ripped for being a snob..my older DD has blue hair and multiple piercings so appearance on the surface isn't a big deal..but if I am going to hire people to vend food to children, I might tell them to shower and wear clean clothes (not saying designer..I am queen of thrift but clean!) and for the other guy..he could at least not have a cigarette in his mouth while handing out ice cream (before I get flamed, I smoke).  I am obviously not in the know and it is ok for the ice cream guys to yell out to the kids (but only certain ones) to drum up business.  I will, again, just ignore him.  I doubt he will truthfully be around much longer as I truthfully see only one guy who walks out to buy from him here and there.

And yes, he does have a side window (looks like a regular panel van they cut a window in) but he yelled to her from the driver's seat.  Honestly, I think what set me off was he has NEVER solicited older DD or neighbor boys, or myself when I am in plain view with DD..he usually doesn't slow down until someone waves to him, but I will take my lumps for over reacting to his selling tactics.

HyenaInPetticoats

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #43 on: June 24, 2013, 02:00:03 PM »


How do you know he never solicited the neighbour boys?

Oh Joy

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #44 on: June 24, 2013, 02:01:41 PM »
We had really scuzzy ice cream trucks in my last neighborhood, and I was disappointed to learn that my city had no regulations or inspections regarding them.  They gave me the creeps and I'd never go near them, just for hygenic purposes and complete lack of accountability, so I completely sympathize with our OP.  In contrast, I didn't see them as being any more or less of a 'stranger danger' than any other person in public.

I do feel it's inappropriate for a businessperson to directly approach an unaccompanied minor to solicit a sale, especially on their own property.  I see 'Hey, anybody, wanna buy some XYZ?' as different from 'Hey, you specific kid, wanna buy some XYZ?'  Even in most stores, I expect a certain amount of permission to be granted by a guardian before engaging a child.

I feel some feedback from the parent is just fine, though perhaps not to the extent that our OP chose.