Author Topic: Correct action or Over reaction?  (Read 15517 times)

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Winterlight

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #60 on: June 24, 2013, 02:56:14 PM »
Overreaction.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Sharnita

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #61 on: June 24, 2013, 03:01:03 PM »
I also think telling him not to stop near your house again is overreaching. You can tell him not to stop at your house  (tell as opposed to uell) but near? What does that even mean? How far way should he be before he risks stopping? How does he know where it is safe?

I think he knows exactly what she means.

He is far wiser than I. She had extended the ban beyond het house but tell me how far that is?

*inviteseller

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #62 on: June 24, 2013, 03:04:40 PM »
He was right by my driveway..I did mean that.  And we have had instances in our town of the friendly ice cream man selling drugs to kids from their trucks.  I also didn't mean that he was a molester because he was dressed like a slob..more giving a description of our local ice cream men.  And would you want someone in your local ice cream shop having a cigarette hanging from their mouth while they served you, or had long greasy hair and filthy clothes?  I don't see this as any different as far as me being completely turned off by their appearance as they are trying to sell my child food.

And I don't see it as I was irresponsible to have my child on the front porch of our house, no where near the road where he might get the idea she wanted something, but on a porch that is mostly secluded. 

OK, I will bow out now with my tail between my legs.  I know I didn't make a scene but was sharp (I do NOT make scenes) but I will concede I am a snob because I judged them harshly by their appearance.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #63 on: June 24, 2013, 03:05:07 PM »
...And I agree..he could be the nicest guy in the world, but when you start yelling to an unattended child, asking if they want ice cream, then you set yourself up for questions of your integrity...

I don't understand how a child standing on an enclosed porch of a private house is considered "unattended" - the logical assumption is the parent is nearby just out of sight - perhaps they are sitting on a low chair, not visible on the street, or are directly inside the house separated from the child by 10 feet and a screen door, or perhaps the parents is just behind the bushes - near the kid but not visible (which was in fact the case). And even if she was "unattended" that would be your irresponsibility issue, not the ice cream truck driver's.

...but if I am going to hire people to vend food to children, I might tell them to shower and wear clean clothes (not saying designer..I am queen of thrift but clean!)...

I'm not sure why you assume these people were "hired" by anyone other them themselves. Many times people simply buy a truck and a vendor's license and some wholesale ice cream and start driving. Even major brands like Mr Softee are franchises, and the company itself touts there is no training involved in becoming a franchise owner.


Overall I think you were quite rude to speak sharply at him over what was absolutely an innocent and to be expected question from an ice cream truck driver to a child. You just as easily could have called out "no she does not" while stepping into view.

Her being unattended is not a responsibility issue at all.  The point is that the ice cream guy should not be taking to a child who is not accompanied by a parent in a place where she is fine to e alone except for his intrusion.  And the OP has already said that at other times when she was with her daughter, he did not call out to her or to her daughter.  So, the difference is that it seems he is taking advanatge of her being alone to communicate to her.

Just because she is a child and he sells ice cream to children doesn't give him to right to bother her.  In fact, he has seen her before and she has never bought ice cream from him so he knows she is not even a customer.

Surianne

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #64 on: June 24, 2013, 03:06:27 PM »
I think you majorly overreacted and were quite rude to the man.  I agree with the posters who said he might've thought your DD was there waiting for the ice cream truck, which is why he called out to her.  This would be perfectly normal in my neighbourhood. (Often the ice cream drivers don't even see the parents -- the kids have allowances of their own by age 6 or so.)

I also think you would have been fine to tell him it was your rule that your daughter can't talk to the ice cream man by herself, if it made you uncomfortable -- but you should have approached him calmly and politely. 

TurtleDove

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #65 on: June 24, 2013, 03:07:08 PM »
I don't understand how a child standing on an enclosed porch of a private house is considered "unattended"

Yes.  I wonder if other people driving by saw an unattended child and contacted child protection?  I am being somewhat facetious, but I really think some of the evil motives ascribed to the ice cream truck driver are really over the top (to be clear, I think the ice cream truck driver did NOT think, "hey, an unattended child!  Let's be creepy and offer to sell her the ice cream it is my livelihood to sell!")

Crazy Chicken Lady

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #66 on: June 24, 2013, 03:22:48 PM »
Unless it was Mr. Whoopee from Grand Theft Auto driving through my neighborhood, I wouldn't be worried.

We used to have an ice cream truck that drove through our subdivision. He would always slow down if he saw anyone outside (kids and adults). We didn't buy from him often but that was only because the ice cream was so expensive. lol

WillyNilly

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #67 on: June 24, 2013, 03:23:47 PM »
...And I agree..he could be the nicest guy in the world, but when you start yelling to an unattended child, asking if they want ice cream, then you set yourself up for questions of your integrity...

I don't understand how a child standing on an enclosed porch of a private house is considered "unattended" - the logical assumption is the parent is nearby just out of sight - perhaps they are sitting on a low chair, not visible on the street, or are directly inside the house separated from the child by 10 feet and a screen door, or perhaps the parents is just behind the bushes - near the kid but not visible (which was in fact the case). And even if she was "unattended" that would be your irresponsibility issue, not the ice cream truck driver's.

...but if I am going to hire people to vend food to children, I might tell them to shower and wear clean clothes (not saying designer..I am queen of thrift but clean!)...

I'm not sure why you assume these people were "hired" by anyone other them themselves. Many times people simply buy a truck and a vendor's license and some wholesale ice cream and start driving. Even major brands like Mr Softee are franchises, and the company itself touts there is no training involved in becoming a franchise owner.


Overall I think you were quite rude to speak sharply at him over what was absolutely an innocent and to be expected question from an ice cream truck driver to a child. You just as easily could have called out "no she does not" while stepping into view.

Her being unattended is not a responsibility issue at all.  The point is that the ice cream guy should not be taking to a child who is not accompanied by a parent in a place where she is fine to e alone except for his intrusion.  And the OP has already said that at other times when she was with her daughter, he did not call out to her or to her daughter.  So, the difference is that it seems he is taking advanatge of her being alone to communicate to her.

Just because she is a child and he sells ice cream to children doesn't give him to right to bother her.  In fact, he has seen her before and she has never bought ice cream from him so he knows she is not even a customer.

My point is, I do not think the child was "unattended" by any reasonable definition of the word. She was on an "enclosed porch" and "no where near the road".

I certainly disagree an ice cream truck driver should not speak to an unaccompanied child though - plenty of kids are given money well in advance of the ice cream truck's arrival and are permitted to approach the truck and purchase their ice cream themselves. Perhaps the OP does not do that with her daughter, but that doesn't mean its not a reality of this guy's job.

There is an ice cream truck that stops near the playground in my neighborhood that see on a near daily basis and I can say I almost never see an adult accompanying children - the only adults the truck are the ones buying for themselves. Most kids make their own purchases, or even are the ones tasked with purchasing and bring the ice cream back to their parents, heck most kids are at the park apparently sans adults. I know I certainly have handed my niece money and sent her over to a truck to buy ice cream for both of us, And yes I did it when she was 7. I watched, but was a few hundred feet away - I thought it was a good exercise in maturity and independence for her.

Curious Cat

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #68 on: June 24, 2013, 03:35:48 PM »
I also think telling him not to stop near your house again is overreaching. You can tell him not to stop at your house  (tell as opposed to uell) but near? What does that even mean? How far way should he be before he risks stopping? How does he know where it is safe?

I think he knows exactly what she means.

He is far wiser than I. She had extended the ban beyond het house but tell me how far that is?

Audrey, could you clarify? Because I would have no idea "exactly what she meant."

MariaE

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #69 on: June 24, 2013, 04:20:20 PM »
Major overreaction, and rude to boot.
 
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lowspark

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #70 on: June 24, 2013, 04:22:49 PM »
Given your update in post #30, I can understand your reaction, but I agree with the majority who say you overreacted. It just doesn't seem that hinky or out of the ordinary or out of the clear blue sky for the ice cream truck vendor to try to drum up sales from his truck by calling out the window.

And since you weren't standing right there where you could see your daughter, how can you know she didn't make some kind of gesture or something that was interpreted by the guy as a possible wave? Not saying she disobeyed you by purposely waving if you told her not to, but even the mere act of standing up could be interpreted as interest. And there are probably lots of shy children who need encouragement so asking if they want ice cream just doesn't seem to be at all sinister to me.

Had the answer been yes, the next step would have naturally been for her to seek out her parent or whatever adult and get the money.

As a mother, I know the mother-bear instinct can sometimes manifest itself unnecessarily and whien it comes to protecting my kids, I'd rather be unnecessarily rude than miss a signal and put them in danger, so I think the whole incident is forgivable. But since you asked, yeah, you oeverreacted.

Maude

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #71 on: June 24, 2013, 04:59:23 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.

Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

SiotehCat

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #72 on: June 24, 2013, 05:11:52 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.

Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

I'm curious about the "no JADEing" part.

The OP posted asking everyone's opinions on her actions. She has her own opinion on her actions. It seems reasonable that she would explain herself and her actions. It's all part of the discussion.

I always thought the no JADEing thing was for when people question you about stuff that isn't their business or doesn't affect them.

Curious Cat

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #73 on: June 24, 2013, 05:12:35 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.

Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

That's fine that you don't agree with the majority of posters in this thread, but please don't attempt to invalidate our replies just because *you* do not agree with them.

Roe

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #74 on: June 24, 2013, 05:18:59 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.

Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

I'm curious about the "no JADEing" part.

The OP posted asking everyone's opinions on her actions. She has her own opinion on her actions. It seems reasonable that she would explain herself and her actions. It's all part of the discussion.

I always thought the no JADEing thing was for when people question you about stuff that isn't their business or doesn't affect them.

Yep, that's how I always understood JADEing.  Maude's post doesn't make sense to me.