Author Topic: Correct action or Over reaction?  (Read 11903 times)

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Judah

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #75 on: June 24, 2013, 05:21:41 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.

Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

She's not JADEing, she asking for the board's opinion and input and responding to the board's comments.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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*inviteseller

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #76 on: June 24, 2013, 06:31:15 PM »
TY Maude, but I actually was just responding to the posts, either clarifying or giving some minor detail. 

I started up the driveway, where my DD was leaning over the railing looking at me when I heard the music so yes, I did see DD and she did not wave.  All she did was look at the road.  She in no way indicated she wanted him (she wouldn't know what to do as we never get any from them).

I told my older DD the opinion was I was rude, and she said her and her friends (she just turned 18) have always gotten a creepy feeling from him.  We used to have a guy that came through in a different truck and he was friendly, polite..and clean.  He was a recent immigrant from Africa and said he was so happy to get a job he enjoyed.  He never yelled to the kids...just stopped when they ran out to the curb waving their money.  My older DD loved him because he always had something nice to say to all the kids.  I don't believe all unkept people are molesters, I don't believe all ice cream men are preying on kids...but this guy just made the hair on my neck stand up. 
« Last Edit: June 24, 2013, 06:35:50 PM by *inviteseller »

LeveeWoman

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #77 on: June 24, 2013, 06:34:03 PM »
TY Maude, but I actually was just responding to the posts, either clarifying or giving some minor detail. 

I stated up the driveway, where my DD was leaning over the railing looking at me when I heard the music so yes, I did see DD and she did not wave.  All she did was look at the road.  She in no way indicated she wanted him (she wouldn't know what to do as we never get any from them).

I told my older DD the opinion was I was rude, and she said her and her friends (she just turned 18) have always gotten a creepy feeling from him.  We used to have a guy that came through in a different truck and he was firendly, polite..and clean.  He was a recent immigrant from Africa and said he was so happy to get a job he enjoyed.  He never yelled at the kids...just stopped when they ran out to the curb waving their money.  My older DD loved him because he always had something nice to say to all the kids.  I don't believe all unkept people are molesters, I don't believe all ice cream men are preying on kids...but this guy just made the hair on my neck stand up.

I always listen to the hairs on the back of my neck. I didn't once and it cost me dearly.

EllenS

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #78 on: June 24, 2013, 06:42:05 PM »
I think sometimes you have to go with your gut and there are intangible elements in a situation that don't come across by typing. Both you and your elder daughter are creeped out by this guy.

In my book, an adult yelling at (apparently) unsupervised children to invite them to his vehicle - even if it's an ice cream truck, is not the right way to do business.  You are not the only  person who would react that way. Assuming this guy wants to be successful, he needs to realize that creeping out customers is bad for business.  I think calling the company would be overkill, but asking your neighbors their opinion/experience with this man may be worthwhile.

People who are contemplating or engaging in bad behavior, rely on the social pressure of not "being rude" to keep potential victims from objecting or getting help.  I'm giving your mom instinct some leeway on this one.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #79 on: June 24, 2013, 06:42:46 PM »
In a way, I think your reply was over-reacting, (I would have simply said, "No, she does not want any ice cream.  Thanks for asking!"), but I don't think you over reacted.

A child was on her porch.  Alone.  I lived in a popular city in our state when I was a young girl and I have never, ever had any ice cream truck operator ask me if I wanted ice cream.  And there were many trucks throughout the day.  If kids wanted ice cream, they were running towards the truck with money in hand. 

The operator may not have meant anything harmful, but the way he went about it asking your daughter if she wanted ice cream, could suggest otherwise.

bonyk

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #80 on: June 24, 2013, 08:00:28 PM »
In my book, an adult yelling at (apparently) unsupervised children to invite them to his vehicle - even if it's an ice cream truck, is not the right way to do business. 

Agree 100% with this. 

AnnaJ

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #81 on: June 24, 2013, 08:24:17 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.


Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

Could you please clarify the bolded?  Because it sounds a lot like you are saying veterans are creepy, unemployable sorts that are untrustworthy around children.

*inviteseller

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #82 on: June 24, 2013, 08:44:18 PM »
Actually, I was wondering that too Anna.  That is so the last thing I thought.    The stoner dude looks to be maybe 20, probably just a summer job. other guy is about 40's and looks like someone who has just lived his life as hard as he can.

baglady

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #83 on: June 24, 2013, 09:00:08 PM »
You are JADE-ing to the people replying to your post.

Please stop doing that.

Both guys sound creepy.

I would suggest checking the regulations for the sale of food.
If one or both of these creeps does not comply THEN you can
report them to the Health Dept.

Do not be surprised to discover that these two are Veterans
and are otherwise unemployable.They may have been given
special licences to conduct business as they see fit.


Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.
You have ice cream in your freezer,right?

Could you please clarify the bolded?  Because it sounds a lot like you are saying veterans are creepy, unemployable sorts that are untrustworthy around children.

I don't think that is what she was saying. Many (certainly not all, not even most) veterans have issues that make them less-than-stellar candidates for employment -- homelessness, addiction, brain damage, PTSD -- and thank heaven there are companies and organizations willing to work with them and get them into a job. A friend of a friend runs a private organization that helps these guys. Yeah, they often look/dress/act a little "off," but they are decent people just trying to make a living. Scruffy + ill-fitting clothes + less-than-professional approach does not make them potential child molesters. Keep in mind that most child molesters dress and act "normal."

I'd give this guy some unprofessional points for calling out to an unattended child, but he probably didn't see anything wrong in his approach -- hey, kids are his target market and he was just being a good salesman, in his eyes. If you don't want him (verbally) approaching your child, a simple "No, thank you" would suffice. No ninth circle of ehell for you, but I hope you will be more compassionate and polite in your response if this happens again.
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AnnaJ

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #84 on: June 24, 2013, 09:18:43 PM »
Baglady, I know that this is an appalling problem that's been ongoing for veterans, and yes dirty and scruffy can sometimes go along with being homeless and/or having mental problems (so understand your thinking this too, OP).

However, the last bit is over the top 'Do not allow your daughter anywhere near them.  You have ice cream in your freezer,right?'  Right after the 'they could be veterans' a warning that they are a danger to children...frankly an insult to veterans.

Elfmama

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #85 on: June 24, 2013, 09:32:51 PM »
While you may have over-reacted, I think you had the right idea to reprimand him. He was an adult, in a vehicle (one which likely does not have any windows), which has pulled over to the side of the road, and he is calling out to a small child about whether the child would like to have <insert special treat>. This is exactly the scenario that parents teach their children to avoid, and to find their parent or an adult if it happens to them. It's one of the few potential child endangerment scenarios that actually happens to real kids in real life (we had an incident here not so long ago.) So even though he is just doing his job,  he's unwittingly doing the one thing that parents panic about.

In this case, I would be contacting the ice cream company and expressing all of the above. Not to get him into trouble, but to make them aware that their employees are doing this.

Except in the scenario, I assume that the potential perp is not actually a known entity doing a legitimate job!
What better way for a potential perp to create a cover identity, than by selling a food item that most children crave, especially in the summer? A food item that encourages a child to approach, and engage with the driver, so that he changes in the child's eyes from "a stranger" to "someone I know." A child who would never go off with a stranger who offered her candy might go off without hesitation with someone that she knew.  I do not think that the OP overreacted one tiny bit.
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citadelle

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #86 on: June 24, 2013, 09:37:46 PM »
While you may have over-reacted, I think you had the right idea to reprimand him. He was an adult, in a vehicle (one which likely does not have any windows), which has pulled over to the side of the road, and he is calling out to a small child about whether the child would like to have <insert special treat>. This is exactly the scenario that parents teach their children to avoid, and to find their parent or an adult if it happens to them. It's one of the few potential child endangerment scenarios that actually happens to real kids in real life (we had an incident here not so long ago.) So even though he is just doing his job,  he's unwittingly doing the one thing that parents panic about.

In this case, I would be contacting the ice cream company and expressing all of the above. Not to get him into trouble, but to make them aware that their employees are doing this.

Except in the scenario, I assume that the potential perp is not actually a known entity doing a legitimate job!
What better way for a potential perp to create a cover identity, than by selling a food item that most children crave, especially in the summer? A food item that encourages a child to approach, and engage with the driver, so that he changes in the child's eyes from "a stranger" to "someone I know." A child who would never go off with a stranger who offered her candy might go off without hesitation with someone that she knew.  I do not think that the OP overreacted one tiny bit.

I respect your intentions, but also suggest that it is limiting to live in fear of every scruffy looking ice cream man.

Surianne

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #87 on: June 24, 2013, 10:34:41 PM »
Although I disagree with the judgemental tone the OP takes, I do think it's fine to trust her own instincts when it comes to her kids, and that's part of being a good mom.  Where it crossed into rude and an overreaction to me is *how* she expressed her instincts -- yelling at the guys as if they were doing something wrong, rather than asking them in a polite manner not to speak to her daughter again.  I think instincts don't excuse every behaviour, and there are ways to be firm and protective without insulting someone.

ettiquit

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #88 on: June 24, 2013, 10:37:42 PM »
There's some contradictions going on.  The OP said that the driver's appearance didn't matter and that the behavior (asking a child if she would like to buy some ice cream) would have freaked her out no matter what the guy looked like - and yet she spent half of her first post describing not one, but two of the regular ice cream truck drivers in her area, even though only one was involved in the "incident".

While it may be true that she would have reacted the same way regardless of appearance, it's also hard to argue that she doesn't judge people by how they look - which is ok, if you keep it in your head.  ;)

kareng57

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Re: Correct action or Over reaction?
« Reply #89 on: June 24, 2013, 10:46:08 PM »
While you may have over-reacted, I think you had the right idea to reprimand him. He was an adult, in a vehicle (one which likely does not have any windows), which has pulled over to the side of the road, and he is calling out to a small child about whether the child would like to have <insert special treat>. This is exactly the scenario that parents teach their children to avoid, and to find their parent or an adult if it happens to them. It's one of the few potential child endangerment scenarios that actually happens to real kids in real life (we had an incident here not so long ago.) So even though he is just doing his job,  he's unwittingly doing the one thing that parents panic about.

In this case, I would be contacting the ice cream company and expressing all of the above. Not to get him into trouble, but to make them aware that their employees are doing this.

Except in the scenario, I assume that the potential perp is not actually a known entity doing a legitimate job!
What better way for a potential perp to create a cover identity, than by selling a food item that most children crave, especially in the summer? A food item that encourages a child to approach, and engage with the driver, so that he changes in the child's eyes from "a stranger" to "someone I know." A child who would never go off with a stranger who offered her candy might go off without hesitation with someone that she knew.  I do not think that the OP overreacted one tiny bit.


In such a visible situation, though?  People are generally going to remember seeing/hearing the ice-cream truck going through their neighourhood at a particular time.  Anyone who was really looking to abduct a child would likely do it a lot more quietly.

I do think OP overreacted.  She certainly doesn't have to like the ice-cream truck driver, and can instruct her daughter to come inside anytime she sees the truck, but I think the confrontation was way OOT.