Author Topic: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)  (Read 11078 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #60 on: July 02, 2013, 11:51:19 AM »
I just had this conversation in Wal-Mart with the Eagle but two days ago (or was it three?  >:D).

I said teapot instead of teakettle in talking about something for which I wanted to go look.  He corrected me.  I asked him if it really mattered and he asked me if I would rather walk around being wrong.

I told him he knew exactly what I meant and did it really matter?  He replied that he would rather be corrected than walk around being wrong.  I actually agreed with him but added a strong caveat of, "Except for when it isn't important.  You knew what I meant, I knew what I meant, and it wasn't like I asked you to go look for one.  I was just talking about where I wanted to head next (the housewares section).  It's annoying when you do that and actually a little rude.  It really ticks off some people because you're obsessing over unimportant stuff and are completely ignoring the point.  Do you really want to upset people over such a stupid little detail?"  He didn't say anything about it after that.  We'll see if anything changes.

This would totally be my mom--the one who said the wrong (but pretty close, and fairly unimportant) word. When I was younger I was a terribly bratty know-it-all and would have corrected her, but now I try to only question her if I actually don't know what she means, and if not knowing makes a difference. And then I try to do it in a straight-forward manner, like, "Was that teaPOT or teaKETTLE?" very matter-of-fact, just so we're both on the same page about what to look for. People say the wrong word all the time; it irks me when someone tries to turn a minor mistake into some kind of moral judgment.

I was you, too, and now that I'm older I see just how annoying that is.  I try to only ask if I actually don't know and it may make a difference.
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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #61 on: July 02, 2013, 04:23:07 PM »
I just had this conversation in Wal-Mart with the Eagle but two days ago (or was it three?  >:D).

I said teapot instead of teakettle in talking about something for which I wanted to go look.  He corrected me.  I asked him if it really mattered and he asked me if I would rather walk around being wrong.

I told him he knew exactly what I meant and did it really matter?  He replied that he would rather be corrected than walk around being wrong.  I actually agreed with him but added a strong caveat of, "Except for when it isn't important.  You knew what I meant, I knew what I meant, and it wasn't like I asked you to go look for one.  I was just talking about where I wanted to head next (the housewares section).  It's annoying when you do that and actually a little rude.  It really ticks off some people because you're obsessing over unimportant stuff and are completely ignoring the point.  Do you really want to upset people over such a stupid little detail?"  He didn't say anything about it after that.  We'll see if anything changes.

This would totally be my mom--the one who said the wrong (but pretty close, and fairly unimportant) word. When I was younger I was a terribly bratty know-it-all and would have corrected her, but now I try to only question her if I actually don't know what she means, and if not knowing makes a difference. And then I try to do it in a straight-forward manner, like, "Was that teaPOT or teaKETTLE?" very matter-of-fact, just so we're both on the same page about what to look for. People say the wrong word all the time; it irks me when someone tries to turn a minor mistake into some kind of moral judgment.

O/T- Feel free to judge my morals- in my world teapot and teakettle are interchangeable and people avoid teakettle for sounding a bit twee... whats the difference?

Its not about morals at all, its about vocabulary. A kettle is what you boil the water in and the teapot is what you make tea in and serve from.

That said, they are probably sold near each other at Walmart, so finding one would mean finding the other and the specifics are moot.

Well, "I'm A Little Teapot" makes no sense now.
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Onyx_TKD

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #62 on: July 02, 2013, 04:37:14 PM »
I just had this conversation in Wal-Mart with the Eagle but two days ago (or was it three?  >:D).

I said teapot instead of teakettle in talking about something for which I wanted to go look.  He corrected me.  I asked him if it really mattered and he asked me if I would rather walk around being wrong.

I told him he knew exactly what I meant and did it really matter?  He replied that he would rather be corrected than walk around being wrong.  I actually agreed with him but added a strong caveat of, "Except for when it isn't important.  You knew what I meant, I knew what I meant, and it wasn't like I asked you to go look for one.  I was just talking about where I wanted to head next (the housewares section).  It's annoying when you do that and actually a little rude.  It really ticks off some people because you're obsessing over unimportant stuff and are completely ignoring the point.  Do you really want to upset people over such a stupid little detail?"  He didn't say anything about it after that.  We'll see if anything changes.

This would totally be my mom--the one who said the wrong (but pretty close, and fairly unimportant) word. When I was younger I was a terribly bratty know-it-all and would have corrected her, but now I try to only question her if I actually don't know what she means, and if not knowing makes a difference. And then I try to do it in a straight-forward manner, like, "Was that teaPOT or teaKETTLE?" very matter-of-fact, just so we're both on the same page about what to look for. People say the wrong word all the time; it irks me when someone tries to turn a minor mistake into some kind of moral judgment.

O/T- Feel free to judge my morals- in my world teapot and teakettle are interchangeable and people avoid teakettle for sounding a bit twee... whats the difference?

Its not about morals at all, its about vocabulary. A kettle is what you boil the water in and the teapot is what you make tea in and serve from.

That said, they are probably sold near each other at Walmart, so finding one would mean finding the other and the specifics are moot.

Well, "I'm A Little Teapot" makes no sense now.

*blink**blink* You're right. It's teakettles that squeal to tell you the water's boiling. OTOH, while teakettles do have handles and spouts, the ones I've used have had short stubby little spouts, not the sort long, curved teapot spout that one imitates with the arm for that song.

"I'm a little teakettle/teapot chimera,
Short and stout..."

TootsNYC

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #63 on: July 02, 2013, 04:40:31 PM »

Well, "I'm A Little Teapot" makes no sense now.

Which just goes to show you that the language is not locked down, and that getting picky about it when it's not a matter of anyone truly misunderstanding is really very impolite.

Asking for clarification (a la Lynne2000) is perfectly fine.

Acting as though you're the only one who knows what words mean, and correcting people, is not.

Two Ravens

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #64 on: July 02, 2013, 05:09:32 PM »
I always wonder about correcting someone's pronunciation. I mean, sure, I understand what they mean, but on the other hand, they are going to sound uneducated if they pronounce words wrong to other people. And surely its better to be corrected by a friend then by a boss or stranger, right?

azleaneo

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #65 on: July 02, 2013, 05:44:58 PM »
I always wonder about correcting someone's pronunciation. I mean, sure, I understand what they mean, but on the other hand, they are going to sound uneducated if they pronounce words wrong to other people. And surely its better to be corrected by a friend then by a boss or stranger, right?

I tell my boyfriend, who has a more robust vocab than I do, to please correct me when I pronounce something wrong. There are quite a few words that I've only ever read, and not heard. However there's a good way and a bad way to do so. We got in an argument about pronouncing "octagonal" and I said it was oct-a-gon-al and he said it was oc-TAG-on-al and he asked our waitress which one was correct when she came back with our drinks. Definitely not the most polite way. (He was right though)

Lynn2000

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #66 on: July 02, 2013, 05:58:53 PM »
I just had this conversation in Wal-Mart with the Eagle but two days ago (or was it three?  >:D).

I said teapot instead of teakettle in talking about something for which I wanted to go look.  He corrected me.  I asked him if it really mattered and he asked me if I would rather walk around being wrong.

I told him he knew exactly what I meant and did it really matter?  He replied that he would rather be corrected than walk around being wrong.  I actually agreed with him but added a strong caveat of, "Except for when it isn't important.  You knew what I meant, I knew what I meant, and it wasn't like I asked you to go look for one.  I was just talking about where I wanted to head next (the housewares section).  It's annoying when you do that and actually a little rude.  It really ticks off some people because you're obsessing over unimportant stuff and are completely ignoring the point.  Do you really want to upset people over such a stupid little detail?"  He didn't say anything about it after that.  We'll see if anything changes.

This would totally be my mom--the one who said the wrong (but pretty close, and fairly unimportant) word. When I was younger I was a terribly bratty know-it-all and would have corrected her, but now I try to only question her if I actually don't know what she means, and if not knowing makes a difference. And then I try to do it in a straight-forward manner, like, "Was that teaPOT or teaKETTLE?" very matter-of-fact, just so we're both on the same page about what to look for. People say the wrong word all the time; it irks me when someone tries to turn a minor mistake into some kind of moral judgment.

O/T- Feel free to judge my morals- in my world teapot and teakettle are interchangeable and people avoid teakettle for sounding a bit twee... whats the difference?

Its not about morals at all, its about vocabulary. A kettle is what you boil the water in and the teapot is what you make tea in and serve from.

That said, they are probably sold near each other at Walmart, so finding one would mean finding the other and the specifics are moot.

Probably "moral judgment" wasn't the right phrase... Don't judge me! :D I mean, kind of like TootsNYC said, there's a way to correct/clarify someone in a polite way, and there's a way to do it in a rude, snotty way. Like, does it make a difference (either practically, or in the speaker's mind) that the speaker said something wrong, or is the corrector just trying to show that they're smarter than everyone else? I think the latter is definitely rude when it comes across, while the former can be helpful.

Also, even when it doesn't make a practical difference, some people do want to be corrected when they're wrong (as several people have said on this thread). I think it's best to wait for someone to explicitly say they want to be corrected, or otherwise discuss it, before jumping in to correct things that don't seem to matter. Or at least, if they ask you to stop... stop.

Word pronunciations can be tricky. I work with a lot of people whose first language isn't English; I feel like I've become a lot more relaxed about "proper" pronunciation because of it. Oct-a-GON-al vs. oc-TAG-on-al wouldn't even register with me now, because I would know what word they were trying to say, and that's the priority to me now. Probably the most complex one I've come across was, believe it or not, "herbal tea." My co-worker had to write that one down before I understand what he meant. I can't even describe how he was pronouncing it originally; but it was "wrong" in the sense that he wasn't communicating his meaning to me, so we had to discuss it and get the pronunciation closer to something I, and other English speakers, could understand.
~Lynn2000

TootsNYC

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #67 on: July 02, 2013, 06:10:25 PM »
I always wonder about correcting someone's pronunciation. I mean, sure, I understand what they mean, but on the other hand, they are going to sound uneducated if they pronounce words wrong to other people. And surely its better to be corrected by a friend then by a boss or stranger, right?

Oh, sure, I think so--but a friend should correct in an unobtrusive way that doesn't retail the whole conversation or make you feel stupid.

I do it sometimes; I just quietly say it correctly and keep listening intently. And if the moment gets past, then I either let it go, or bring it up quietly later--"Oh, remember when you were telling that story? You used the word 'ignominious' but you pronounced it differently/wrong. I thought you'd want to know."


Mental Magpie

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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #68 on: July 02, 2013, 07:10:38 PM »
I am absolutely OK if I use the word incorrectly or pronounce it incorrectly (I call it read-only text: words I've only ever read and have never actually heard) and am corrected.  It's when I obviously know the difference (and I say obviously because the Eagle knows darn well I know the difference) and he could easily see I used the wrong word accidentally, not out of ignorance.  Being corrected then is annoying and somewhat rude.
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Re: "Um, not my point" - how to react to rude correcting? (Sm. U.D. #19)
« Reply #69 on: July 04, 2013, 01:30:25 PM »
I always wonder about correcting someone's pronunciation. I mean, sure, I understand what they mean, but on the other hand, they are going to sound uneducated if they pronounce words wrong to other people. And surely its better to be corrected by a friend then by a boss or stranger, right?

Oh, sure, I think so--but a friend should correct in an unobtrusive way that doesn't retail the whole conversation or make you feel stupid.

I do it sometimes; I just quietly say it correctly and keep listening intently. And if the moment gets past, then I either let it go, or bring it up quietly later--"Oh, remember when you were telling that story? You used the word 'ignominious' but you pronounced it differently/wrong. I thought you'd want to know."

Because I'm often guilty of mispronouncing words, I wait until the other person has finished what they're saying, respond and then add "By the way, you pronounced that word 'kin-oh-ah.' I always thought it was 'keen-wah.'" Thanks to the age of the smartphone, we usually take the opportunity to look it up online.