Author Topic: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?  (Read 5281 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

KimodoDragon

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 60
When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« on: June 24, 2013, 02:59:01 PM »
Just asking because I witnessed a situation this past weekend that just about floored me.

Here it is:

My cousin and I were out to dinner Friday evening at a crowded popular restaurant in our area.  We finished our meal, paid and went to the restroom on the way out.  The restroom is set up quite nice.  There is an anteroom before going into the actual room where the sinks and stalls are.  The anteroom has a couple couches and a full length mirror.  Outside the anteroom is a corner you turn and then you are in the main waiting area of the restaurant.

Cousin and I came out of the stalls and the line for the ladies restroom had grown, so much so that it snaked out the restroom, into the anteroom and almost to the corner where the main waiting area is.  Talk about timing!!  Also, the door to the anteroom was propped open by ladies waiting to use the facilities.  Apologies for the lengthy background, but want to give as much detail as possible.

So, we come out of our respective stalls, two other ladies go in.  Cousin and I go to the sinks to wash, then to the mirror to apply lip balm and make sure there are no food remnants in our teeth.  As cousin grabbed her handbag, a woman walks over to my cousin and loudly with laughter says, “GEEZ, WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER, ASPARAGUS?  YOUR FLOW IS MIGHTY STRONG!”  I almost choked!  All the ladies in the restroom had jaws on the floor.  One woman even covered her daughter’s ears.  It was awful!  My cousin was so embarrassed and so was I.  We hurriedly gathered our things and heard murmuring from others like, “how rude”, “she didn’t say that, did she”, oh my goodness”!!!  We got out of there as fast as we could.

When is it ever okay to call someone on their rude behavior?  Was this an instance that warrants it?  It was a terrible experience.

Thanks!

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2013, 03:02:15 PM »
I don't know that I'd ever personally call someone out on their behavior unless I knew them, but that was over the top rude!  :o

Personally I'd give the offender an icy stare and turn crisply on my heels to walk away. (Thank you, marching band, for giving me that nice crisp turn.) Ignore it. Don't engage the crazy.

WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2013, 03:03:40 PM »
I think it would be ok to call someone out on that type of comment "who says things like that?" but I also think its silly - best to just give a cold stare then turn and walk away wordlessly - why drag out the interaction? What good would come of it? If it was a member of a dinner party crowd though - someone you would personally be spending more time with that evening though I think its ok to respond, even to straight up say "what a wholly inappropriate comment" in a neutral tone before turning to someone else and changing the topic of conversation.

JoyinVirginia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6039
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2013, 03:06:41 PM »
Id vote don't engage the crazy. I do think ignoring her completely would be good. Either that or aging if she was drunk.

sweetonsno

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1377
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2013, 03:28:31 PM »
 :o

Wow. She was way off base, but I'm not sure I'd confront her. (The reactions from the other ladies are adequate.) Had she continued to make comments, then yes, I would have said something.

I can think of a few categories where I think it's fair to call someone out:
1. Ongoing rude behavior. If someone is behaving badly on an ongoing basis, call them out. Obviously, if nobody has bothered to tell them that their behavior is a problem, that's a first step. But if they know and they choose to continue being bad, call them on it.

2. Malicious rude behavior. Call bullies out.

3. Defending those who can't defend themselves. (In non-bullying cases.)  If you see someone being overly aggressive in his pursuit of a woman who clearly isn't interested, you're safe telling him to back off.

sparksals

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17337
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2013, 03:30:51 PM »
Was she saying your cousin took too long in the toilet or that her pee stunk?   Either way, she was horribly rude and I possibly would have been too shocked or aghast to answer... although I would have been thinking of retorts after the fact.


Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6428
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2013, 03:32:33 PM »
I know most are going to say 'ignore and don't engage the crazy' and that's sensible advice, however, if this happened to my cousin, I would most certainly say something and it probably wouldn't be ehell approved.  I'm guessing the OP wants ideas that are ehell-approved. 

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13666
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2013, 03:53:09 PM »
'Oh, and I suppose your [excrement] don't stink, either, huh?'  Or 'Wow.  You do realize you just said that out loud, right?'

OK, maybe not.  In this particular case, ignore the crazy.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Allyson

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1929
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2013, 04:00:08 PM »
Some people take pleasure in shocking/upsetting those around them, and then if you act shocked/upset will feel as though they have 'won'. I usually go for the blank stare, look totally dispassionate and bored, then walk away. A lot of these people are looking for a reaction, so don't give it to them. Also, looking confused sometimes works.

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1241
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2013, 04:05:05 PM »
Etiquette provides us with ways to respond to rudeness and inappropriate behavior without being rude in return, but still making our point quite clearly.

  - "How kind of you to take an interest."  (I love this one in this situation.)
  - The raised eyebrow and look of disbelief.
  - The startled sudden step away.
  - The icy glare of death. 
  - "I beg your pardon."
  - "You're inquiring about my urine???  It's fine. How is yours?"  (Okay, I made that one up.)
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12839
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2013, 04:34:15 PM »
In general, only when the rudeness directly affects you. For instance, someone pushes you out of the way, you can speak up and call them on that. Or cuts in line ahead of you. I wouldn't bother with someone who lets loose with a loud comment like that.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

lakey

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 339
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2013, 04:45:17 PM »
In this case it was apparently not necessary to say anything since others were already muttering about the rudeness.

Also, I tend to not engage with a stranger because they might react with even ruder, angry behavior.

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4751
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2013, 04:55:25 PM »
Some people take pleasure in shocking/upsetting those around them, and then if you act shocked/upset will feel as though they have 'won'. I usually go for the blank stare, look totally dispassionate and bored, then walk away. A lot of these people are looking for a reaction, so don't give it to them. Also, looking confused sometimes works.

I agree.
No need to "tell this person that she was rude". She knows. She's probably proud of it, too.

I'd just ignore. No good can come from engaging such a person. And it could easily escalate.

Danika

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1928
  • I'm not speeding. I'm qualifying.
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2013, 05:09:28 PM »
I audibly gasped when I read her comment! Wow.

I would have been too shocked to say anything and would have just walked out. I agree with others who say "Don't engage the crazy."

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: When Is It Okay To Call Out A Rude Person? Ever?
« Reply #14 on: June 24, 2013, 07:08:48 PM »
Wow!  I would have walked away fast.  There is no reply to that!