How to say I hate your driving?

[Army Mom]

DD belongs to an organization and I am driving her and several others to an event. There will be other adults going, with cars likewise full of members. On previous trips, the "head volunteers" make me crazy with the way they drive!

They are extremely concerned with being in a line at all times even on busy multilane highways. And they will take what I consider dangerous measures to do it.

Example: while following Head Volunteer at approximately 60 MPH, another car got over between us. Head Volunteer swerved onto the shoulder until it passed and then whipped back in front of me!
Similar thing happened on the next trip.

The reason given is that they MUST keep all cars in sight. To me it's dangerous! I want these ladies to look at what's in front of them not have their eyes glued on me!

A big trip is coming up this weekend....how do I politely decline to participate in the convoy?

BG that may influence your suggestion:
The other ladies are a generation older than I
All the youth are teens
I have a reliable car and am very experienced driver
I am very familiar with the route

[SingMeAway]

Can you just tell them that you'll meet them there? I hate following people or having people following me because it distracts me and I can't relax and enjoy the drive (I love driving).

If you think they'll insist on everyone being together, simply tell that the you find it too distracting and you're concerned that others are distracted too. Offer to provide everyone with written directions from mapquest.com or something if they're worried about getting lost.

[Oh Joy]

Yuck.

Is it an official policy, or just their preference?

[Army Mom]

Can you just tell them that you'll meet them there? I hate following people or having people following me because it distracts me and I can't relax and enjoy the drive (I love driving).

If you think they'll insist on everyone being together, simply tell that the you find it too distracting and you're concerned that others are distracted too. Offer to provide everyone with written directions from mapquest.com or something if they're worried about getting lost.

I wish! But we are meeting at a predetermined place and have to arrive by a certain time.

[Army Mom]

Yuck.


Is it an official policy, or just their preference?

Preference made into unofficial policy if that makes sense. The ladies in question have been in charge for many years

[TootsNYC]

Can you lead-foot it away ahead of them? Or tell them that you're not going to drive in the line because you have a stop to make--and then pull off and kill 20 minutes? (of course, they might just stop on the shoulder and wait for you...)

Or just plain bring it up: Describe the situation that you described to us.
Tell them that this frightens you, that they would drive on the shoulder, and that they would make such sudden moves.

Tell them that it scares you if they aren't paying close attention to the road in front of them. And that you fear they aren't leaving enough space between cars for people to react to sudden situations.

Make sure everyone has really good directions and all the info they need. Including the cell phones of people in the other cars (not the drivers', or in addition to the drivers')

Then point out that everyone has this, people are familiar with the route, and that you personally would like the freedom to drive on your own without them watching you, and without the pressure to stay in a completely uninterrupted line.

(If they *want* to stay in an uninterrupted line, the way to do that is to drive below the speed limit. Then nobody will stay between you very long. But again, you don't pull off, you just drive at the steady slightly-too-slow speed until the other people get fed up and pull out--or until they turn off, if that's what they were doing.)

You can also put a big X on the back of each car using blue painter's tape, and then you all can spot one another even if cars do get between you now and then. Being able to see each other that way might ease their anxieties.

[TootsNYC]

Or get your people ready and take off well before they're all packed up, etc.

Get your DD and the other kids in your car in on this. You say, "Cheerio, we're all ready, so we're going to take off! See you there!" and you just leave. Don't discuss, etc.  "No, I have the directions, see you there!" you call out cheerfully as you wave and climb into the driver's seat.

[cicero]

I just wouldn't do it. It sounds extremely dangerous to you and to other drivers on the road. Don't *ask* for permission- just * tell* her 'I have the directions and I'm going to meet you at x spot at y o'clock. I won't be driving in a line. Oh and you must make a stop at Bean Dip Palace near exit 23. Too good!'

[Erich L-ster]

It sounds too dangerous and distracting for the lead to have an "all cars must be in sight edict". It would probably be a lot more workable to assign a buddy system where two cars keep each other in sight. That way everyone is covered by someone and you each have only one car to look out for, therefore it's less of a distraction.

[Twik]

Goodness, in a world of cell phones and GPS, what is the point of this? Particularly when it induces people to take ridiculous risks?

I'd explain that we are no longer in the 1950's, and the "elephant train" type of group travel is no longer necessary.

[LifeOnPluto]

Could you offer to be the lead car? That way, you won't have to worry about the other cars whipping back in front of you (although if they have a penchant for tail-gating, that's a whole other problem!).

Otherwise, could you arrange a meeting with the other drivers, or send around a group email, and lay down some ground rules. Say that you've been concerned about the driving habits of the convoy in general (no need to specify names!), and request that no one does anything dangerous, like drive on the shoulder, or suddenly pull out in front.

If the others cannot agree to that, then I think you're perfectly fine in making your own arrangements.

[TootsNYC]

It sounds too dangerous and distracting for the lead to have an "all cars must be in sight edict". It would probably be a lot more workable to assign a buddy system where two cars keep each other in sight. That way everyone is covered by someone and you each have only one car to look out for, therefore it's less of a distraction.

But why have ANY distraction?
And why bother to keep everybody in sight? As long as it's not likely that someone will get lost, and especially now in the age of cell phones, there's just no need.

If someone has car trouble, they can call people (not the drivers!) in the other cars.

[TootsNYC]

Actually, if you all use painter's tape to make a big initial on the front AND back of your vehicles, that will clue other drivers that you're a unit, AND it will help you spot one another easily, even maybe when you're a couple of cars away.

But I still like that "hurry up and leave first, while they're still loading their cars" idea.

[kherbert05]

Can you just tell them that you'll meet them there? I hate following people or having people following me because it distracts me and I can't relax and enjoy the drive (I love driving).

If you think they'll insist on everyone being together, simply tell that the you find it too distracting and you're concerned that others are distracted too. Offer to provide everyone with written directions from mapquest.com or something if they're worried about getting lost.

I wish! But we are meeting at a predetermined place and have to arrive by a certain time.

Is there a valid reason you have to join them for the convoy? Like you have to pick up equipment from school? If there isn't a valid reason for being at the convoy starting point, I would just call the parents of the kids riding with you and tell them for safety reasons (Describe your OP) you will just be leaving from your house. They can meet you there and you leave. As long as you get to the event on time/early you should be in the clear.

If there is a valid reason to be at the starting point, go over the head volunteers head to the organizing group or parent board explain nicely like you did here she is putting the kids in danger and should not be allowed to drive.

[LeveeWoman]

DD belongs to an organization and I am driving her and several others to an event. There will be other adults going, with cars likewise full of members. On previous trips, the "head volunteers" make me crazy with the way they drive!

They are extremely concerned with being in a line at all times even on busy multilane highways. And they will take what I consider dangerous measures to do it.

Example: while following Head Volunteer at approximately 60 MPH, another car got over between us. Head Volunteer swerved onto the shoulder until it passed and then whipped back in front of me!
Similar thing happened on the next trip.

The reason given is that they MUST keep all cars in sight. To me it's dangerous! I want these ladies to look at what's in front of them not have their eyes glued on me!

A big trip is coming up this weekend....how do I politely decline to participate in the convoy?

BG that may influence your suggestion:
The other ladies are a generation older than I
All the youth are teens
I have a reliable car and am very experienced driver
I am very familiar with the route

This is the fruit of your loins.

You have absolute power over her.