My rude celebration

[Chenskitchen]

My husband has a poor vocabulary.  That, combined with the fact that he doesn't understand the strategy of the game means he used to lose all the time at crossword type board games.  Recently, I noticed he was kicking butt.  He shows me a cheat app that he's using.  Okay then.  It's a cool app and I start using it when I'm playing solitaire.  Hopefully, it will help increase my vocabulary. 

So now he invites me to play.  I decide not to use the cheat app to see if I can still beat him.  My strategy for when someone has a bigger vocabulary than me is to try to lock down the board.  When people know how to play, I'll still get beat but like I said, my husband doesn't really know how to play.  I started to get a little bit ahead.  I tried to tell myself that IF I won, I was not going to be all hollering and dancing around.  But that was about two turns before the end of the game when I had an itty bitty lead.  Then he played two words for over 20 points each.  I thought I was going to lose so when the last word went down and it came up that I won (he had a Q left) I jumped up and ran around the house hollering "WOOOOOO!"  I was also talking much smack.  "Oh!  I whooped you AND your little cheat app!" 

It was over the top and I had told myself that I wasn't going to do that but I did it anway which is kind of weird.  I think if it was a stranger or if it was somebody I didn't know was cheating, I probably could have stuck with the plan.  In fact, I don't celebrate like that when I win.  Except once I narrowly beat my sister by playing "NOOO" (I can't actually remember how many Os there were.) as the last word and she looked at the screen and said, "Noooo!"  so for like a week after that I was ragging on her. Everytime something halfway unexpected happened, I'd say, "Noooo."

I think my husband could've won and not had a fiesta about it.  Of course, if he did I just would've been a sore loser and point out that he cheated. 

[Venus193]

It can be very difficult to not do this when the other person consistently lords (or queens) the win over you.  But please try to develop a poker face.  If your husband gets his jollies doing this that is the easiest -- and usually the most effective -- way to throw cold water on it.

[siamesecat2965]

If its the game I'm thinking of, I do the same thing, but my friends aren't near by. I was terrible when I started playing but now that I've been doing for a bout 6 months, Im quite good. I always gloat to myself when I beat one friend in particular; our first 30 games or so I won one.  Now she has the slight edge, but I'm always giddy when I beat the pants off of her.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

It can be very difficult to not do this when the other person consistently lords (or queens) the win over you.  But please try to develop a poker face.  If your husband gets his jollies doing this that is the easiest -- and usually the most effective -- way to throw cold water on it.

 I think you  misunderstood , she was the one dancing anc crowing not him

[whatsanenigma]

On the other hand, it might be a good thing, what you did.  If you were motivated to celebrate so much about winning, then obviously the game was a challenge for you.  If you had won and just calmly said "Oh well, I won but we both knew I would win, so it's no big deal" that could actually have felt patronizing to him.

I'm just speculating here but it's possible, I think, that now your husband feels that he was capable of fighting a good fight against a real pro.  He didn't win but he gave you a run for your money.  And you weren't just humoring him-you were participating in a challenging, interesting game with him.  And now he will want to play the game with you more often, to the enjoyement of both of you.

Not that I advocate true "poor sportsmanship" when it exists, of course.  I'm just saying that in this case, maybe it wasn't that at all. 

[MyFamily]

On the other hand, it might be a good thing, what you did.  If you were motivated to celebrate so much about winning, then obviously the game was a challenge for you.  If you had won and just calmly said "Oh well, I won but we both knew I would win, so it's no big deal" that could actually have felt patronizing to him.

I'm just speculating here but it's possible, I think, that now your husband feels that he was capable of fighting a good fight against a real pro.  He didn't win but he gave you a run for your money.  And you weren't just humoring him-you were participating in a challenging, interesting game with him.  And now he will want to play the game with you more often, to the enjoyement of both of you.

Not that I advocate true "poor sportsmanship" when it exists, of course.  I'm just saying that in this case, maybe it wasn't that at all.

The OP was rude - dancing around and celebrating like that was rude.  If you don't want to be patronizing about your win, you can show it in other way "wow, I didn't think I was going to win this game!  That was really hard - thank you for such a good game" is a lot nicer than dancing around and singing woo-hoo. 

In fact, I'm not sure if the OP is here to brag about her win or to ask advice on what to do in the future, but even in the coffee break folder, her actions were not okay, in my book.  If I'd been playing against her, I seriously doubt I'd ever play any games with her again.

[Chenskitchen]

Yes, it was a really challenging game.  I'm going to keep playing my husband even though he cheats because getting scored on seems to really spark the memory.  If I win a lot more, I don't know if he'll keep wanting to play.  I know it sucks to be unable to win.  I tried to play a crossword game in french in hopes of building my french vocabulary but I kept getting beaten so badly, I gave it up.  Probably need to get back to it. 

[whatsanenigma]

Yes, it was a really challenging game.  I'm going to keep playing my husband even though he cheats because getting scored on seems to really spark the memory.  If I win a lot more, I don't know if he'll keep wanting to play.  I know it sucks to be unable to win.  I tried to play a crossword game in french in hopes of building my french vocabulary but I kept getting beaten so badly, I gave it up.  Probably need to get back to it.

Maybe you could consider what he's doing not as "cheating", because you know about it, but more like a handicap in golf.

And if you do feel bad about what you did in terms of celebrating, you could tell your husband specifically that you honestly were acting on raw emotion, that you really were that happy that you won because it was such a close race.  And that you don't want him to feel insulted, because your thought process was quite the opposite.

If you had won by a landslide, then to be honest I probably wouldn't have a lot of sympathy for you.  To carry on about having won, under those circumstances, is, I think very rude.  But because it was so close...well, I understand how some people might think it was rude, but I think at the very least you can turn this around with your husband and encourage him to play some more, seeing how close the race was.  And if you do keep playing, I would bet that sometimes you'll end up winning and sometimes he will-and a good time will be had by all.

And who knows? Maybe one day he will get good enough to not need the help from the app.

[Chenskitchen]

Yeah.  I probably should just consider it a handicap.  I don't actually feel bad about celebrating.     I do feel weird about telling myself I was not going to celebrate and then doing the exact opposite.  Like, woah!  Who's in control here? It was definitely the closeness that did it though.  If I had won by a landslide, I probably woud've been aware that I was probably going to win.  It's just not the same when you know ahead of time. 

I just took your advice and called him up and apologized.  I asked him if he was mad at me about it and he said no.   I said it was a challenging game and I thought it might go either way at the end and then I was super happy when I won.   

[whatsanenigma]

Yeah.  I probably should just consider it a handicap.  I don't actually feel bad about celebrating.     I do feel weird about telling myself I was not going to celebrate and then doing the exact opposite.  Like, woah!  Who's in control here? It was definitely the closeness that did it though.  If I had won by a landslide, I probably woud've been aware that I was probably going to win.  It's just not the same when you know ahead of time. 

I just took your advice and called him up and apologized.  I asked him if he was mad at me about it and he said no.   I said it was a challenging game and I thought it might go either way at the end and then I was super happy when I won.   

I'm so glad it's working out well.  Hope you have many more happy games in the future! 

[Jones]

I'm glad you apologized. Actions such as you've described have resulted in my refusal to play board games with my FOO...actually I don't play with anyone anymore, just got progressively less fun.

[whatsanenigma]

This is probably one of those YMMV things.  I also have had experiences where people know darn well I can't even come close to beating them at whatever, but insist on playing and then insist on gloating.  In those cases, I don't play any more either.  Even if I know I'm going to lose, sometimes I just want to play a fun game, and some people understand that and some people don't.

On the other hand, if someone has been trying so hard to beat me at whatever game and they beat me by just a little bit, and it makes them just that happy that they can't help but act excited, well, to be honest, to me personally that is a compliment.  I was that hard to beat?  That makes me feel good.

There is a lot of gray area between these two things, I realize also.  And it's important to know your audience.  I just think context does matter and should be taken into account.

[Curious Cat]

If you behaved in such a manner when you were competing against me it would be the last time we played the game and I would think less of you than I had before. Hopefully yor husband is more forgiving.

[JenJay]

I would have celebrated, not because I beat my DH, but because I beat the app he was using to cheat. I think that's impressive - kudos to you! I don't think your DH should be hurt because, if it's the type of app I'm thinking of, he wasn't really playing. (The user enters all the plays and their tiles into the app's board and the app then finds the best move and suggests it to them.)

I play "words with friends" with a couple of people. My closest friend told me that it drives her absolutely crazy that out of 15-20 people she plays with there are only two people she cannot beat, me and her DH. He's a genius so that makes me feel very special  ! No I don't gloat when I beat her but it's become a fun "thing" now that she is determined to get me. There have been a few times she's come really close and I'll admit I smiled when I pulled off the win.

[*inviteseller]

My former husband and I used to play board games..he doesn't have the words I do, so I would whoop him in scrabble , even when I let him use a dictionary..and I admit to doing victory dances.  He would always get me in Battleship..every.single.time.  And he would do a victory dance.  It was all in good fun, and I think it is a know your audience thing.  7 yr old DD is starting to do a little dance when she beats us at UNO..we just laugh.