Author Topic: Un-cancelling an event?  (Read 2308 times)

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Allyson

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Un-cancelling an event?
« on: June 29, 2013, 12:43:18 PM »
Last weekend, a friend was going to run a small game (think Dungeons and Dragons though that's not it exactly) on Saturday. It would be 5 people other than him. My boyfriend and I offered to have it at our house due to logistics. He sent a message out Thursday cancelling it, citing not feeling very well. The next day, he un-cancelled it, saying he felt better. I felt rather aggravated by this--he didn't check to see that we hadn't made other plans in that day, especially since it was at our place. As it happened, we hadn't made other plans, and I was still happy to have the game happen (it did, and was fun!) But, I felt like if we *had* made other plans, it would've been awkward to say 'actually...no, sorry, guys!'

So, what do you guys think? Is there a window where cancelling an event can still be 'uncancelled' if the host's situation changes, and if so, how long is it? Does it change because it was at our house (Friend was providing everything necessary, we were just providing the venue, so I wouldn't consider us hosts in any way)?

something.new.every.day

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2013, 12:49:05 PM »
If you had plans (or simply did not want to change plans yet again) you'd have been fine to say, "Oh we thought it was canceled. We won't be able to have it at our house. Do you want to go ahead with it at your house or reschedule?"

But I don't think your friend did anything wrong. 

Indigosails

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2013, 01:19:28 PM »
Your friend should have contacted you before telling everyone else the event was back on. The event was being held at your home so you need to be in on the planning and any changes that are made.

ThistleBird

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2013, 01:34:59 PM »
Yeah, I think your friend should have checked with you. I think it's fine to un-cancel an event (though a little annoying--people can feel jerked around, and it would have been smarter for your friend to make the original email an "I'm not sure if I can do this, I'll let you know" rather than a cancellation.) But it was your house, and it would have been easy to call you, and since he didn't, you went from "there isn't anything happening at our house Friday night" to "actually there's an event at our house Friday night" without getting to have a say in the process. In this case it was a minor thing b/c you'd already agreed to it, but still, etiquette dictates that people have a say over their own house.

something.new.every.day

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2013, 05:38:17 PM »
I mis-read the part that he invited everyone else before checking with you. Not cool. He should have checked with you first.


Pen^2

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2013, 07:20:27 PM »
Un-cancelling is fine in itself, but it's not thoughtful to do it at possibly the expense of someone else. I'd take the guy in question aside and say that while you were relieved that he was feeling better, could he please check with you next time before offering your home again just in case?

NyaChan

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2013, 01:47:06 PM »
Un-cancelling is fine in itself, but it's not thoughtful to do it at possibly the expense of someone else. I'd take the guy in question aside and say that while you were relieved that he was feeling better, could he please check with you next time before offering your home again just in case?

I would probably do this too -

"Hey Friend, I'm happy that you were able to do this after all, but in the future, please check with us before rescheduling events that we are hosting.  Luckily this time we hadn't made other plans, but that won't always be the case."

ThistleBird

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2013, 09:40:15 PM »
POD to that. He probably didn't think about it and just needs a gentle heads-up.

Margo

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2013, 09:30:41 AM »
Un-cancelling is fine in itself, but it's not thoughtful to do it at possibly the expense of someone else. I'd take the guy in question aside and say that while you were relieved that he was feeling better, could he please check with you next time before offering your home again just in case?

I would probably do this too -

"Hey Friend, I'm happy that you were able to do this after all, but in the future, please check with us before rescheduling events that we are hosting.  Luckily this time we hadn't made other plans, but that won't always be the case."

Adding my POD. He probably didn't stop to think that you might have made alternate plans, and I think it would entirely reasonable to mention it to him and ask that he contact you *first* before volunteering your home.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #9 on: July 01, 2013, 11:54:07 AM »
While it's fine to un-cancel something, since it was going to be held at your house, he really should have checked with your first, to make sure you hadn't made any other plans. But I suspect he was just clueless, and a gentle reminder might be all that's needed.

I know for me, I have 2 jobs, so if they take me off the schedule on a day I've been scheduled to work, chances are, I've got something else lined up that I can do. I've had that happen; they take me off, and then someone else asks if I can work for them on that day, and I've had to decline, since I've planned something else.


cwm

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Re: Un-cancelling an event?
« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2013, 12:53:48 PM »
If I'm hosting something at my house, un-canceling is perfectly acceptable without checking with others. If they've made other plans and can no longer make it to my event, that's to be expected.

If it's being hosted at someone else's house, I fully expect that whoever is hosting the event would be contacted before a message was sent out to everyone in the group, just to make sure plans weren't made.

I actually had a similar thing happen. My boyfriend's house is the go-to house for our group of friends because he was the first person in the group to have a house and it's a central location. He offered his house for a friend's birthday party, but set a definite end time on the FB event. Birthday boy's wife said on the event page that we'd probably hang around there until 2 or 3 in the morning anyway because that's normal. BF had to respond saying that no, there was a definite end time on the party because we had somewhere to be and he wouldn't be hosting after that. Luckily our group of friends is pretty laid back and they just migrated to another house, but it bothered me that she would just assume that they'd have complete run of his house for as long as they wanted.